Tag: anal

First Overnight with My Master 12/5/20

Posted on by Avertas

“Details, Girl!”

Lol, it’s a lot 🙂

“Mmmmhmmm”

I was inspected, cuffed, collared, blindfolded, hogtied, flogged, paddled, bitten and marked repeatedly, pissed on and in, spit in my mouth, slapped, spanked, finger fucked, made to squirt, crawl, gag, beg, eat ass, suck toes and balls, worship him, every hole was used, command orgasms anyplace he wanted…

“WOW”

Also, washed by his hands, kissed, caressed, told I was beautiful and treasured, pampered, dressed in clothing of his choice, cuddled, eaten out and made to laugh and have fun

Pretty fucking amazing

And some pretty amazing fucking

A Dreamed of Spa Get Away Overnight with My Master: Part One

We had often joked about needing a weekend at a spa throughout the stressful and long months that we had been apart through quarantine, misunderstandings, volleyball and weightlifting injuries and so many other stressors. Despite my joy at your return, I had been feeling frustrated with the fact that we had not yet had sex nor had you been able to orgasm with your Slave despite being home for over a week. I had just assumed that since you had been without a sexual partner for almost a year you would be eager to fuck me and that our first few meetings would involve orgasms for both of us. The fact that this wasn’t happening was unsettling to me for multiple reasons. I wasn’t sure if you were having a sexual issue you had not disclosed and I was upset about that as I am already struggling with those problems in my primary relationship and expected this one to be free of such issues. I was also worried, of course, that you didn’t find me attractive enough or my sexual skills were lacking, although that has not been a complaint of previous partners. Still it was a worry now. You were also already beginning to look for new sexual partners which was hurtful as you didn’t seem too interested in moving forward with trying to have sex with me. It also seemed unfair that we were not having sex as you had told me that I was to end my sexual relationship with my play partner now that you had returned. Finally, I told you that you needed to fuck me to reassure me that you were interested in me as more than just emotional support and confirm that this relationship was going meet my needs. Sex is the backbone of BDSM for me, it is the best way for me to get into subspace and the energy from which everything else is fueled. If our sexual life didn’t work out, I knew I would not be happy in the dynamic. I am not interested in just being tied down and hurt. I want to fuck and experience sexual pleasure.

You expressed understanding of my concerns. You know your Slave very well and none of this is new information to you. We set up a plan to meet Saturday and drive together (through a nasty snow storm) to a local hotel and spa for massages, pedicures and our first overnight stay alone together in privacy. On the drive you were playful and silly, sexual and provocative, making me laugh and immediately beginning the command orgasms you relentlessly ordered throughout our time together, in public, in private, in restaurants, in the gym, in the shower. Sometimes staring into my eyes and harshly barking threats if I looked away, sometimes holding my hands, sometimes pressing my legs open while I moaned and writhed and dripped at your word.

We had a good talk on the way down about expectations for this relationship, how this was my first time having a Dom and about incorporating a new female submissive you had met online. As you know, it feels early to me to add a third person to our dynamic. I had asked you in the past to give me some time to adjust to you being here upon your return before we did so. I have been trying to accept that this was not going to be the case and trying not to feel hurt that you were in such a rush to add another woman. I am open to it and certainly see all the opportunities it presents but my feelings were and remain somewhat mixed. I am both excited and apprehensive. It was very helpful to be able to discuss such things frankly with you and for you to explain some of your actions that had seemed overly eager about this new sub and that had upset me. You did a good job making me feel safe, valued and providing reassurance. Overall throughout the weekend I felt like we had strong communication, increasing my trust in you and my comfort with your plans for adding more partners to our play.

Now for the fun part…I can’t possibly describe the weekend in chronological order as you have established essentially a 24/7 Master Slave dynamic for us (Thank you, My Master). I was spoiled rotten being your devoted, tortured, pampered, well fucked, three hole Playground the entire time we were together, with no break in dynamic necessary as we get along as well outside of play as we do during it. You are so handsome, sexy, intelligent, honest, charming, funny, devious, evil and naughty. You smothered me in attention, degradation, praise, PDA, kisses, forced orgasms and I know I was the happiest woman in the hotel, being on your arm and on my knees for you, My Lord. We also continued to have enjoyable and stimulating conversation about kink, the modern world, covid, food, wine, exercise, engineering and coffee. We ate our meals together, worked out together and bitched about inconsistent customer service together. And we also played and we fucked.

I will try to hit some of the highlights but, of course, I have a terrible memory for details of sex, and the better it is the more I am immersed in the experience and not “recording” it mentally. I apologize in advance as I know all these things happened but I am sure I will make errors in the order of events.

The first very exciting thing for me was my inspection. You sat comfortably on the couch and told me to strip naked. I took off the low cut, soft ribbed short grey dress, half cup hot pink bra and thong and knee high boots I had been wearing. You had me keep my black thigh high stockings on. You taught me to stand in the correct position in front of you with my legs spread slightly open, back strait, my hands clasped behind my neck, thrusting the breasts forward. You admired the view calmly, then told me to cum. Of course, your Property immediately responded with a strong orgasm, causing me to loosen and drop my arms. You instantly slapped my face and reminded me to obey your orders and leave my body in the position you had told me. I mutely nodded and turned around at your next command, displaying my round full ass, silver Slave plug in FC3 and fresh bite marks on each cheek as you had marked your peach as soon as we walked in the door. You reached a finger into your FC2, and smiled to feel how wet and slippery it already was, moving it slightly over my aching clit causing me to moan and writhe in pleasure. Your brought me quickly and easily to orgasm with your skilled fingers, sucked off the juices and told me my pussy was “a fine vintage” which made me smile. You dipped your finger in again and held it between our lips and we both kissed and licked my pussy juices off it, telling me you wanted us both to taste. You unbuckled your pants, taking out your hard thick cock for me to suck eagerly while you told me to hump your foot until I was begging to cum, which you allowed while you watched me with amused eyes. Later you told me that it was quite painful to have me hump your foot with my plug in but I never would have guessed it, My Master. Thank you for indulging me in pleasure at the sake of your discomfort. I am not sure, but I think it was during this play that you also spit in my mouth and had me swallow it for the first time and tenderly kissed along my surgical scar in loving acceptance of my flaws.

Following this inspection, you brought me over to the bed and told me that it was my turn. That I was allowed to have to freedom to explore and use your body as I wished. This was an unexpected treat and I smiled brightly with pleasure and kissed your mouth passionately. You were still dressed and I first removed your shirt, exposing a muscled, tan and hairy chest that I promptly buried my face against, kissing all over, licking and sucking your nipples, nibbling a bit, not sure if I could risk a little bite. The smell of your body, the feel of your skin. the REALITY of finally being with you filled my heart with such joy, I felt my eyes welling with tears. I had waited so very long for this very moment, to serve and worship you, My Lord. I began to softly cry in your arms. You were surprised at your tender hearted Slave and laughed lightly, asked if I was crying tears of happiness and when I nodded and buried my head back in your chest, you gently kissed my tears off my cheeks, tasting them with satisfaction. I gathered myself and smiled up at you again, then finished undressing you. I worked my way down, sucking your cock, lapping at your heavy balls and taking each one gently in my mouth to massage with my tongue. I massaged your buttocks firmly with my hands, spreading them open and licking your asshole and crack with my warm, firm, wet tongue. You seemed surprised but not displeased by my attentions. I kept working my way down your beautiful body. Once I got to your feet I was again filled with intense emotions. So many nights I had said good night to you over text, telling you I was kissing your feet when I sent a kiss emoji. I knelt in front of you, nude and plugged and put my forehead to the ground in worship, then wrapped my hands around your foot and kissed it with reverence, repeating it on the other side.

You sat on the bed to allow me more access to your feet and I began to suck your toes, licking between them and down the bottom of your foot. To my surprise this had a profound effect on you as you immediately released a deep groan of pleasure. I continued to suck and lick your feet, then kissed my way up your inner thighs to your crotch. You were lying on your stomach and spread your legs slightly in invitation and I gladly buried my face in your ass from behind, lapping your ass while you gently moaned and sighed. I reached around a hand and stroked your hard cock. This brought you up to your hands and knees so I could fully pleasure your ass with my mouth and stroke you at the same time. You enjoyed this for some time, then again used FC1 but did not cum. You had brought me to orgasm several times already through clit stim and command orgasms and we stoppped our play to clean up and enjoy a lovely dinner together.

After dinner and dessert we returned to our room where you had already laid out the impact tools. You did so early on in our stay and I wasn’t sure if it was a matter of convenience or to keep them in the front of my mind, but it certainly did distract me, seeing the many floggers, paddles, small whips and other sensory tools you had chosen with me and for me laid out on the coffee table the entire time. I was becoming increasingly scared about impact as you exposed me to more and more painful sensations through biting, slapping and pinching your Property. I am beginning (just beginning) to understand how painful things can become if your choose that experience for your Property. Some of your behavior in the recent past had been impulsive and I felt less trust and assurance in you than I expected. Yet you are my beloved Master and I knew I wanted to take this step with you. I had made a point of being clear with you that impact was something I both looked forward to and was anxious about. It turns out I had nothing to fear.

You handled my introduction to it masterfully. First I was told to strip completely naked except for my Slave plug and you fitted me with black leather cuffs on each wrist and ankle as I knelt before you. Then you put a light, pink play collar on my neck. It was the first time you had put any kind of collar on your Slave. You teased me about it being so cute and pink as you know I would prefer a very simple and thick black leather collar. Still it definitely gave me a thrill as you growled under your breath, “mine” while you fastened it around my neck. You ensured I was in a comfortable position so I would not be distracted by unneeded painful stimuli; I was kneeling on the padded back of a turned over chair and leaning forward onto a thick cushion. You did not restrain me but you did offer me a blindfold. I hesitated in taking it, but I felt that you wanted me to so I did. I am very visual but I understood your goal of using sensory deprivation to help me to focus on the physical sensations and let go of trying to observe you and being distracted by efforts to please you.

You were very gentle with your Property, My Master. You explained the thuddy vs stingy sensations you were causing and varied the intensity from pleasurable to neutral to just creeping into painful. You are clearly an expert at impact and able to give a wide variety of different impressions with the many tools at your disposal. I was flogged and paddled, lightly whipped and hit with the butt of the flogger, rubbed with fleece and smacked with a short rubber antennae. You covered my broad back and round ass as well as the backs of my legs, the soles of my feet and ran the throws of the various floggers over your FC2. As I was blindfolded I was extra aware of the sounds of the implements moving through the air, your voice and breathing, the feeling of them hitting my skin, your occasional touch and kiss. You had me kneel and I felt a soft and pleasurable brush moving over each hard nipple; you drew this out until I was moaning and pushing my breasts forward. You stopped and I moved my head about blindly trying to figure out what was happening, feeling vulnerable and slightly frightened, not knowing if you were going to hit me with something new, when you sternly ordered me to open my mouth and I felt your hard cock pushed between my hungry lips into FC1. I began sucking you enthusiastically and you moaned slightly, thrusting roughly into FC1 while you called me your slut, your whore, your pathetic Slave.

Shortly after you removed the blindfold and ordered me to get to the bed. I was uncertain if I should crawl or walk and I tentatively stood, causing you to growl in disapproval and grab the loop of the collar, abruptly pulling me to the ground in one swift movement. For the first time in my life, I crawled, naked, plugged and collared across the floor, heart beating fast with you close behind. You proceeded to attach the cuffs on all my limbs putting me into a hogtie, completely helpless and immobile. I later learned you took several pictures of me in this position while I was face down on the bed. You ordered me to move across the bed and laughed in amusement at my awkward attempts to follow your command. You began roughly using FC1 again for a long time, laying on your side and thrusting in and out, occasionally reaching down and spanking my ass, ordering me to cum, which I did while gagging and drooling on your hard cock. Finally you flipped me over and unclipped my legs, put on a condom and mounted me from behind and began pounding hard into FC2 while calling me your whore and slut, demanding I keep my ass up for you and alternating between gripping me firmly by my hair or hips. I had been moaning in a mix of pleasure and pain. Finally feeling My Master’s big cock filling FC2 completely, thrusting hard into me again and again, sliding in and out of my soaking wet FC2, slapping against my bruised ass. The pleasure overwhelmed me and I begged you to let me cum on your cock; you were so buried so deep in my wet FC2 it felt wonderful. You came in me then too, My Master, with an incredible animal sound of a snort and a roar like a bull. I collapsed under you and you pulled out, went to the bathroom briefly, then returned to find me still hogtied. You began playing with my pink, wet FC2 with your fingers and licked it while I watched you, quickly bringing me to orgasm yet again.

Finally you unclipped me and brought me into your arms to cuddle. After some gentle kissing and chatting, you suggested a shower and getting some sleep. You removed my collar and cuffs and I crawled to the shower after you. I asked for permission to bathe you, which you granted and I so enjoyed washing your buzz cut hair and lathering your body, massaging it while I kissed and licked and nibbled on you. The mood was initially playful and tender but as I kept sucking and playing with your cock, it grew hard again. You moved me in front of you and used your fingers to roughly stimulate my g spot while with your other hand you played with my clit. The sensation was unbelievable and I was writhing in your arms, calling out and moaning when you abruptly slid another finger into FC3. I wigged on your hand and began to have a huge orgasm so hard that I squired on you. You were called out in an amused tone, “Did you just squirt, you little whore?”. You released me and put me on my knees while you had me suck you again. Suddenly you took your cock out of FC1 and a strange expression crossed your face and you told me to sit still. A few seconds later I felt the warm stream of your piss flowing over my tits and stomach. I took your cock back in my mouth; I’m not sure if you ordered it or I did it myself and you pissed in my mouth as well. I held it for a few minutes and let it drool out again while I looked up at you in complete submission and humiliation. You brought me to my feet and whispered the foulest things to me while you rubbed your fingers ever so gently over my running eye make up to mess it up even more, telling me how much of a prettier piss drinking slut and worthless cunt I was for you now. You told me to get out of the shower and look at myself in the mirror. I was ruined and disgusting and shining like a candle with joy in that mirror, My Master. I got back in the shower and you bent your fuck toy over and abruptly entered and raw fucked FC3 while I moaned loudly and braced myself against the wall.

Shortly after you pulled out and looking at your Lamb, now used in every fuck cunt by her Wolf’s cock, truly your Owned and Treasured Property. You decided to wash me yourself and gently soaped me with your own hands, rinsing me clean and helping me out. Then I toweled you dry and then myself and crawled back to the bed, as tired and meek as a child. I bowed my head beneath your hands as you collared me again for the night, telling me to leave my plug out in case you wanted to use me again. Then after bouncing around the room a bit arranging things, you pulled me firmly into your arms and kissed me good night. You quickly dropped off and I lay there awake a few minutes, feeling the strange sensation of the collar around my neck and my opened and empty FC3 with no plug. Then I drifted off as well, your very happy and blissful Slave.

Update 11/22/20

Posted on by Avertas

“Thinking back, what 10 months

*Screenshot of our original conversation after Matching on an online dating site*

Did you think you would be here then?”

Never in a thousand years did I imagine a relationship as wonderful as this, My Master

I didn’t know anything

About myself

About what I was capable of

About serving a true Master

I’m so very lucky to have been chosen by you, My Lord

“True

And thank you for being open to such a relationship”

I think of all the boring, inexperienced Doms I could have ended up with

Yuck

“You would have Dominated him within a month

Or Less”

Yep 🙂 🙂 🙂

I feel safe with you, My Master

Your Dominance is natural to you and yet you have developed it and educated yourself

I think I present some challenges but that will just keep you interested, My Master

They are also opportunities

“Challenges are good

Plus your Huntress nature is just whip cream on an already yummy cake”

Homecoming

It has been a challenging month as we edge closer to the end of a challenging year…but as you say, challenges are good, My Master. I have not been writing the blog as I had an abrupt increase in my work responsibilities that required me to work longer hours and also be isolated from my family and friends. I also was working though a period of feeling distant from you, uncertain of your interest in me outside of as a trophy and a potential source of group sex, insecure about whether we were truly a good match and if either of us would be satisfied in our dynamic.

As I have observed many times over the past ten months, when there is tension in our relationship, the first thing to go for me are the command orgasms, followed by the desire to submit. Acts of submission are uncomfortable, unnatural and anxiety provoking when I don’t feel sure about being your Slave, like praying when your heart is full of doubt. I stopped praying when I was 12 because I hated that feeling of being fake. But I still went to church and sat politely in the pew, because that was expected of me and I knew my role. Similarly I have never stopped kneeling, following the rules and performing our Rituals everyday regardless if my heart is in them because I respect my role as your Slave which I have agreed to and in my opinion this is part of it. The discipline, consistency and dedication to keep getting on your knees for your Dom even when it isn’t easy, when you don’t feel connected, when you feel stupid and unhappy and lost.

Because we are adults and we have both worked hard on building communication in this relationship we were able to talk about what was going on. It is the same pattern we have seen multiple times now. You get stressed, bored, distracted, busy and withdraw your energy and attention. I notice immediately (like any good needy little sub), try to give you space, wait for you to come back, get panicky when you don’t, increase my acts of service hoping to gain your attention and praise. When that doesn’t work I feel rejected, hurt and angry, suspicious that you have found another sub who is more interesting, scared that I am going to get hurt even worse. So I then withdraw to protect myself, no longer feel safe, no longer able to submit with my whole heart because I am not sure of my place with you. This is all worsened a thousand fold by high stress in both our lives, lack of privacy limiting direct communication and a lot of uncertainty about what our relationship will even look like when we meet in real life. I freely admit that I am highly sensitive to feeling rejected right now as I am struggling with feeling undesired and rejected in my marriage.

We talked and we listened to each other. I asked you to please let me know when you need to step back because you are stressed and overwhelmed. That feels better for me and it is a normal thing to need a break. Being a Dom requires a lot of energy; it’s okay to not always have that. If I don’t know the reason for the changes in you, I will assume it is something wrong with me, that I am displeasing you in some way, that you are looking to replace me and that those feelings are damaging to the dynamic. Since that conversation things have improved immensely. You were reassuring that you don’t want to release me from your service. I explained why I was no longer orgasming on your command and my general lack of submissive feelings at that time. After few days of increased effort on both sides at attending to the relationship we had a good session where you re-established your dominance and control over me, calling me on video chat, putting me on my knees and then on my belly on the floor in obedience and worship of you, My Master. I had been waiting for you to do it as part of your duties as the Dominant and necessary to the healing of the breach in our dynamic. It was beautiful to feel that connection to you again, My Master. To kneel and obey My Master, safe in the knowledge that I am chosen to serve him. That he sees and values my dedication and the gift of my submission is not worthless.

Then both our worlds got crazy as you entered the last phases of preparing to return home and I was swept up in the stress of life. And suddenly it’s here, you’re on the doorstep, a few days away from being local. You have decided when and where we will meet, have told me in advance that you plan to use your FC1 at minimum and that all your FC should be available, with FC3 to be stuffed with the Hush. You have asked about my feelings and I am of course, nervous and preoccupied. I know you will like me, My Master, I am not worried about that. I know that the sex part will be fine and I’m fairly confident that I will feel submissive to you in real life. Although there is a tiny part that can’t help but think, what if I don’t feel it? What if I don’t have an urge to submit to this man in the flesh? Then what? I’m sure you are smiling now, My Master, at such a silly idea.

What I am more concerned about is everything outside the sexual aspect of our BDSM dynamic. The parts of you that you have not shared much but which you cannot hide if we are going to spend time together doing more that just kinky sex (and I am so much looking forward to the kinky sex!). We are sort of in a 24/7 thing, My Master, which is easy to maintain when we are just texting and exchanging sexy pics and nasty porn clips but how about when we spend four hours together having lunch and watching a movie? This is where I have no experience with how to act as your sub and also your friend and lover. I hope that you will be patient with me as we figure out that part, who we are to each other outside of the sex and kink and how we interact. It’s okay that we don’t have an answer to that and it will take some time because in that aspect of things we are just beginning, even though other parts of our relationship are so intense and well developed.

So meeting you is a strange and new thing for me, My Master. I have never been in a long distance relationship before and just that part, meeting someone I have been talking to for almost a year would be nerve wracking enough. But for it to be My Master, a man I have given so much power to, a man I have longed for, a man I have dreams and hopes about, a man that I respect and desire…well, of course, I am a mess. But also excited and hopeful. The only way out is through and I cannot wait for this week to go by. I long for the moment I can be with you, be claimed by you in the flesh and for everything to begin.

9/14/20-9/20/20

Posted on by Avertas

Good morning, My Master

Thank you for these images

It doesn’t appear likely that my hook obsession will be reduced in the future, My Master

The only thing I am more obsessed with is My Master’s beautiful, hard cock

“Along with your Owner’s wishes”

Your wishes are my desires, My Master

“That’s my Slave and my Property

I told you, that you would love the Hook”

Of course you were right, My Master

You know my mind and body so well

Bc it is all your Property

You pay attention to it and now you know what pleases it, My Master

“It’s not always about pleasing my Property

It’s usually about using it and having my cum drip from it

Marking it.

With cane or bite marks”

Yes, of course, My Master

But you are correct that the Hook pleases me, My Master

And being Used and dripping My Master’s cum will too

“Mmmmm

Filling my FC3.

….

As I record the cum dripping as I spank, cane, flog my slave

Would you like that gift, Slave *real name*”

Yes, My Master

I am your three-hole, FC Playground

I am your Property, My Master

__________________________________________

I wasn’t sure if it ever got to you, My Wolf

And I like them to be surprises if possible

“I know

Which I also love”

I know; a good Slave also pays attention to what pleases her Master

And I am blessed with a wonderful Master

I always want you to know how much I appreciate your Ownership of me, My Master

You have given me so much, My Lord

“Cum, My Property

Cum, you worthless, pathetic, Wonderful Treasure”

An Evening with Friends

I have gradually but consistently been introduced to several of your friends now, which has done a lot to reassure me that you are sincere in your interest in keeping me in your life upon your return. It has also been reassuring to meet other normal people who like you and have known you for years. I have been enjoying chatting with a friend of yours who is a female sub and we went out to breakfast together a week or so ago and got along quite well.

This week you asked if I would be interested in meeting a friend who does therapeutic hypnosis. I have some experience with hypnosis and love having novel experiences, so I was happy to agree to see him for help with my “anxiety”. He invited me over to his house and I arrived bearing two boxes of wine, as a gift from you, My Master and a bottle of rum as a gift from myself. We hit it off immediately and your friend, who is social and extroverted, made me feel right at home. Unexpectedly another friend of yours, also a Dom, was at the house with his female Sub/girlfriend and we were introduced. It was very fun to hear your friends teasing you and reminiscing about things you had done in the past. I like to learn more about you and understand you better. It also felt validating that things I enjoy or get frustrated about with you are similar to the observations and experiences of others who know you well. This makes me feel like perhaps my perception of you is more accurate than I had thought.

I had my hypnosis and your friend had some trouble identifying a target to work on with me, which he said was quite unusual for him. He eventually decided to have me do a vivid visualization and visit myself as a child, speak to my child self and embrace her, bringing her innocence and hopefulness back into my adult self. It was a lovely hypnosis and I was easily induced as I have done self hypnosis in the past. It was amusing that as we were doing hypnosis, we could clearly hear your Dom friend doing an impact session with his sub upstairs. It made me feel a bit jealous, to be honest my Master, but it also made me feel like I was with people who understood me.

We all drank more wine, a fire was built and cookies were eaten and a lively conversation was underway. Your friends were funny, welcoming and interested in me and there was a general sense of my being somewhat unexpected or atypical, although not in a bad way. They seemed to particularly like that I am a Switch and have a professional career. Your friend said that you, My Master, were “mistaken about me”, a comment I do not fully understand, but it makes me a little nervous, wondering what you have told them about me, My Master and what you think I am like. The female sub was quite pretty and very quiet and submissive; very different from your Slave, My Master. I paid her several compliments, hopefully tastefully, and enjoyed watching her. I got a little buzzed from all the wine and hopefully didn’t say anything too stupid. I realized it was getting late and switched to water so I would be safe to drive home.

Your Dom friend was particularly interested in my experiences as a Switch and that I have had a female Sub in the past. I went to use the bathroom and when I came back, he intercepted me alone in the kitchen, taking me by the arm and asking me privately if I would be interested in spanking his Sub. I was, of course, very flattered. And, as I am sure you are not surprised, I would have liked to do it, because I was attracted to her and it has been a long time since I got to play with a sub woman. The first thing I asked him was if he had your permission. When he told me that you hadn’t responded to his text asking, I realized that as fun as it might be, it was a bad idea. One, it was late and time for me to leave. Two, I felt like I didn’t necessarily want to have that be my first impression with your friends. Three, I was pretty horny and didn’t want to put myself in a situation where I would make a mistake. Several times that night I wished you were there with me but most of all at that moment. I would have loved to look to you for approval and permission, for guidance. You weren’t there in person, but you have shaped my mind, heart and behavior such that I knew what you would want from me. You are always with me now.

So, I did what I knew was the right thing and declined the tempting offer, gathered my things, thanked the gracious host and drove home after a lovely evening spent with new friends. Thank you for giving me a chance to grow closer to you through incorporating me more and more into your life, My Master. Thank you for all your hard work instilling more sexual self control into me and improving me so that I may bring you honor as your obedient and respected Slave.

Adventures with FC3

Earlier this week I finally received the anal hook I had ordered a month or so ago. Along with it I had ordered my first inflatable dildo with the intention of using it for anal play, although right now you have it blown up in FC2 while FC3 is plugged and I write this blog; putting delicious pressure throughout your stuffed holes with just a thread of discomfort. The tubing is lying against my slick clit and rubbing everytime I shift my weight and this is making me so horny. You are also tormenting me this morning with images of your cock pre and post grooming, so that your smooth balls and thick shaft are on my mind but sadly not yet in my mouth, where I want them to be so badly. I cannot wait to lick and suck them, on my knees, perhaps with a Kitten or Toy to help make it even more fun, our tongues swirling together over your hardness while we smile and suck and kiss.

You had suggested the anal toys to me a long time ago but it took a while for them to come. When I told you I finally had the anal hook, you immediately asked me to put it in, tie a rope harness and wear it to the store, which was intimidating as I had never tried a hook or a self tie before. I requested permission to play with it privately first, which you graciously granted. I had thought you might offer to play with me when I asked and received permission to use FC3 and my new toys on Friday night but sadly you did not. I do so miss direct play, My Master. While I enjoy texting and exchanging pictures and videos, nothing compares to being under your direct verbal instruction and your quick and vigorous correction.

You did ask me to send you photos of my play, which I appreciated, since of course, I was excited and who else could I share my explorations with but my Dom? I did a thorough cleanout of FC3, arranged to have some privacy and set up my room with my large mirror, towels, lube and my new anal hook, inflatable and the satisfier. I put on a hot pink quarter cup bra that exposed my nipples and a pair of suspender fishnets with no panties. I admired myself in the mirror and sent you a picture of my set up, then pulled out my Slave plug. I was aroused already by setting up; I enjoy the preparation phase and you had been edging me throughout the day while having me stare at an image of a beautiful naked man, fully erect, kissing a white woman while getting his dick sucked by a black woman who was staring up at him adoringly. I was texting you on and off throughout this play and you were responding pretty quickly, which really increased the fun for me.

I started by lubing up and inserting the inflatable into FC3. It was a little tricky to get the soft, floppy, slippery balloon-like dildo in place and I giggled trying to slide it in there unsuccessfully, but eventually I seated it and began pumping it up. The sensation was unique in that it doesn’t stretch FC3 open but rather fills the rectum and puts pressure on it. I pumped it up pretty high to see what I could tolerate and explore the sensation. You gave me permission to play with my aching clit and try to orgasm with it in but it did start to get uncomfortable which was distracting to me and you suggested letting it deflate a bit, which made it more pleasureable to me again. I loved how it looked plugged in FC3, with the hose coming out and my pink, wet FC2 beneath. I watched myself in the mirror, on my hands and knees, ass stuffed and stretched full and my fingers stroking my slippery folds, dipping in and out of FC2. I sent you this image and you told me to fuck FC3. I smiled and retrieved the dildo you suggested I use, removed the inflatable, which slipped out easily once deflated and started fucking your Property in its open, lubed up FC3, pushing the dildo in and out rhythmically while watching myself in the mirror and moaning in pleasure. I love seeing a woman get fucked in the ass, including myself, My Master.

The dildo I chose has lots of texture and the sensation of FC3 being stretched open again and again, with all the little nubs and grooves running over the sensitive, tight hole were maddeningly pleasurable. I wanted to cum just from how well I was fucking your FC3 but you had not given permission. I sent you a message thanking you for letting me use your fuck cunt and asking permission to have an anal orgasm, along with video of my activities. You granted me permission to cum twice, the first orgasm ripped through me as soon as I read the message and the second not far behind as I put the dildo on the ground and bounced up and down on it, slamming it deeply inside as I rode it until I came again so hard, feeling FC2 clenching and spasming in response to the rough abuse of FC3. I laughed in delight as I reached down and felt how dripping wet FC2 was, pussy juice covering my hand like snail slime.

Next, it was time for the hook. I have been preoccupied with using an anal hook since you first showed me an image of one months ago. Something I never even knew existed before you and certainly never would have had the courage to try. Look how far you have taken me, My Master! Initially hooks frightened me and excited me with the brutal way they look. Now I am definitely more excited by them than frightened although there is an element of humiliation (meat hook imagery) I appreciated and enjoy. And you know I love anal use, so it is no surprise that this toy is something I have been looking forward to trying. This one is a cheap thing, aluminum and light and with two exchangable head sizes for the ball at the end of the hook. I had showed it to you with the balls in the palm of my hand for reference and we agreed that the small one would be manageable for your FC3.

After the previous rigorous use, FC3 was well opened and after applying a little more lube, the hook slipped right in easily. I loved seeing FC3 stretch open to accept it and how it looked snug in between my round buttocks. It felt so good and I loved the way it pulled at FC3 when I moved. I had my shibari rope and fashioned a sloppy harness with it to hold the hook against my waist. I sent you pics and you expressed approval, then had me kneel and recite my Loyalty Mantra while staring into my own eyes in the mirror. Then you led me through some questions, reminding me that I was your Slave Property, that I was only to be used by yourself, my husband and my approved play partner/s (approved by you) and making me cum while I watched myself, kneeling and hooked. I put some clothing on top, a pair of jean shorts and a loose open neck sweater you had recently chosen for me and took pictures which I posted online for my own amusement, with no mention of the fact that I was secretly wearing the hook and harness underneath. You know how I love to feel like a naughty girl with a dirty secret, My Master.

The next day I was preparing to go shopping, and as is my habit (? rule), I texted to let you know, in case you had any Task you wanted me to do on the trip. You often use these shopping trips as convenient times for Public play, by having your FC2 and/or 3 stuffed with vibes, weights or dildos and giving me public orgasms or other tasks (kneeling, touching myself subtly etc). I enjoy this immensely and was not surprised at all when you told me I was going to take a “hook stroll” that day. I pulled out my Slave plug, lubed and inserted the hook again, this time attaching it to a slim leather belt to avoid a bulky rope harness under my clothing. I threaded the belt through the front loops of my jeans and threw on a modest cardigan. I sent you a pic of my work and you approved, telling me to post a pic of your hooked FC3 on Fet as a show of obedience which I immediately did.

FC3 was a bit sore and I had the belt tight, pulling hard on it so that it became quite painful by the time I entered the store. I was grimacing and struggling to remember my shopping list while enduring the humiliation and discomfort. I was surprised because I had not found the hook very painful the night prior but I realized that if I loosened the belt a bit, it became far more tolerable and even pleasurable again at times although mixed with pain from my now sore and tender FC3. I started texting with you in the store and you immediately began giving me commands to cum. Again and again you ordered me to orgasm while I walked around the store, feeling the hook shifting and pulling inside me, feeling the wetness begin to drip out of FC2 and soaking into my thong. I tried to hide what was happening as the store was busy and crowded. Men were watching me, chatting with me, in my tight jeans and low cut peasant blouse despite the modest cardigan on top. I felt tortured as every time you made me cum, FC2 and 3 would clench down, thus increasing the pain. Yet I was so aroused that I wanted more orgasms despite it. I felt frantic and slipping into subspace. I texted you and you took me farther, reminding me of my position in life and contrasting it with my current situation of a pathetic fuck puppet, hooked and cumming in her panties in public at her Master’s command. You had me rub my hooked ass against my cart for a count of 15, which I did, while a middle aged man twenty feet away looked for vitamins, feeling it moving up and down, wiggling in the sore, abused, stretched hole, so sensitive now to even the tiniest sensations. When you texted that I was your Slave and always being trained by you, My Master, it just catapulted me right into subspace and I had an intense impulse to kneel in obedience and service. You had me do so, briefly but correctly, on the hard tiles of the store and you made me cum a final time like that, completely at your mercy and consumed. When I got home, I sent you a picture of my soaked through panties and you called me a Slut. The next morning you thoughtfully asked how FC3 was feeling and if I had slept well. You are so wonderful, My Master. I don’t want anyone or anything else. How can you know so well what I need? You are just right for me.

Weekly Update 7/5/20-7/12/20

Posted on by Avertas

Mmmmmmm I need a hook in meeeeee

“And, a cock

Perhaps….

I will bind your arms and secure the hook together

And then tape your wand to the hook as I let you lick my feet

If you get distracted I will crop you

And if you beg nicely

I might Allow you to hump my foot until you Scream for Permission to cum

Then…”

Yes, My Master

“Cum! You pathetic weak-minded cunt

Coat my foot

Just to lick it clean”

Oh, I would cum all over your foot, My Lord

And suck my juices off your toes

“O, I know you will”

Happiness

I just read through our texts and photos from the week and it struck me what a good week this has been. I thought about just writing “I’M HAPPY” as my blog entry and signing off this week but I’m not that lazy and why should I be able to write novels when I have criticism and only a few words to describe my joy. You deserve to know all the details of contentment and satisfaction as much as when I am struggling.

When I say things are going well, I don’t mean there have been no conflicts or issues all week but we handled them well and my feelings about them are less intense. We are communicating better and I am feeling more securely attached to you than ever, My Lord. The beginning of this week was so relaxing and fun as I was off of work and you encouraged me to enjoy the time off, giving me yet another Public task, which I even advanced in by continuing to fuck FC2 even with others present (although they could not see me). I felt playful and sexy this week, naughtily plugging myself in my car in a parking lot and sending you a little video of it. Then flouncing into the restaurant in my short skirt and thong with your plug tight in FC3, smiling at the men there who were drooling over your cute slut.

Unfortunately, of course I did eventually have to return to work and it was a rough re-entry. But you kept me happy with edging tasks and allowed extra orgasms which you know always soothes and pleases your greedy Slave. That first day back from vacation, I was stressed and happy to be leaving work. I did the Grounding ritual, which I had not done for a while as I had been plugged throughout my time off. Doing the ritual was so soothing, it felt like walking into a pool of cool water. Sinking to my knees, taking your plug in FC1 and truly sucking it, in regressive bliss. Letting my mind go calm and flat as I stared in the mirror at my true reflection. Saying the words that you put in my mouth and in my mind. And finally the stretch and weight of the plug, my “new normal” as you like to remind me, grounding me to you as I gently stroked your clit.

Something you have brought up a few times this week, which I find interesting, is the idea of me “always” having been a Slave. I would like to talk to you more about that and understand your meaning. From what you have said so far, I feel like you identify the desire to be a Slave with having low self esteem and lack of confidence. While I certainly have insecurities and moments of uncertainty I don’t self identify as having major issues with either of those problems. I was raised by my parents in a conventional way and do believe on some level that I must “earn” the love and attention of others. I was never abused or neglected though, and although I do love to be degraded and humiliated, I don’t suffer from timidity or feelings of incompetence. In fact, generally I have a robust ego (some might say too much so!) and at least in situations where I feel I have mastery over something, I will advocate strongly to be the leader. Although I believe that love and attention must be “earned”, I also believe that I am good at earning them. I have always worked hard to achieve success in multiple areas of my life and I am confident that I can continue to do so, although the areas where I direct my formidable energy change and shift over time.

I believe my Slavery and service to you come from desire to let go. To not be the leader but rather to be led. To be responsible for clearly defined tasks but not to have to make the decisions. To submit, to be claimed, to feel strengthened by the limits and restrictions placed on me by another. You take me to deeper and darker recesses than I knew I even had and I can trust you to watch over me there and lead me back. You know my weaknesses and my failings. You know to keep your hand heavy on me and the collar tight and I will repay you with all my self, now your Property. To be used is my pleasure and you will use me directly and as a tool to enjoy others through my actions both at your command and that of my own filthy mind.

Correspondence

Posted on by Avertas

Hello My Master,
Here are my tasks as I understand them. 


Weekly:  Motherhood:  any day of the week but must be completed once weekly.  Task as follows.  Edge 30 secondsx2, the add 3 clothespins to each tit, edge 60 seconds and orgasm.  Wait a bit, edge 30 seconds and remove a clothespin.  Continue until all clothespins are removed then permission to ride a dildo in FC3 while abusing clit and must abuse tits at orgasm.


Squats:  Can be completed all at once or split up into separate sets.  Suction cup dildo fixed to workout bench.  Strip naked and watch in mirror.  20 squats onto dildo full length in FC3 and then 20 squats half in and out of FC3.  Six sets total (120 squats).  No orgasm.


Weekly (or more) Blog Update regarding emotional responses and thoughts about relationship, sexual experiences, power dynamics, effects on personal and professional life etc.  Emphasis on expressing inner feelings.  Blog is published publicly and anonymously.  Both husband and Master may read it.  Must plug all holes when working on blog (vaginal weight or dildo in FC2, Njoy in FC3, lollypop in FC1).


Daily Tasks:

Greet Master before or by 6:20 on weekdays/workdays (can be later if ill or weekend).

FC3 plugged at all times when not at work (exceptions include for illness, if husband requests removal, can take out overnight if interfering with sleep but I rarely do so).

Allowed 2 orgasms daily using clit and FC2, FC3 only with permission.  Allowed to buzz Njoy with wand if grounding/soothing.

Elastic body harness to be worn under work clothing daily as not able to be plugged at work.  Send pic of harness daily in the morning.

No orgasm days on Sun/Tues/Thursday.  If compliant earn extra orgasm for the following day.

Edging in public bathroom for 45 sec two times, ideally with others present on M/Wed.

Edging to the cusp of orgasm and holding for slow 15 sec count Sun/Tues/Thursday/Sat.  Expect harsh punishment if you cum, bad slut.

Always use titles (My Master, My Wolf, My Lord) when speaking with Master. 

Playfulness and teasing may be tolerated.  Disrespect will not be.

Thank Master for any orgasms as he is the one who allows them.

Notify him if his holes are used by husband or other approved play partners.

Play partners do not have titles and P.S.S. does not accept tasks from anyone but her Master.

If Master commands an orgasm, allow it to occur if at all possible.

P.S.S. is allowed to send saucy pics with panties/bra/bikini on to friends but nothing more without Master’s permission.

Only allowed to have four online, casual sexting friends.

Express aversion or concern about new ideas/proposals by using the term “yet” rather than outright refusal.

In conversation (written or verbal) all holes and clit are referred to as “your” (as in belonging to Master) and use the abbreviation FC (Fuck Cunt) 1 (mouth), 2 (pussy), 3 (asshole).


During Play:

Only allowed to orgasm during play with Master with his direct permission. 

Do not touch your face, fix hair etc unless directly commanded.  Master may wish you to be ruined/a mess.  

If given instructions to perform a certain number of tasks count out loud for Master. 

Always answer Master promptly and correctly.  Obviously use proper titles throughout play.


If possible should be kneeling in submission when talking with Master.

Use safewords when necessary.

Not required but appreciated are sharing interesting content from social media (BDSM or otherwise), responding to similar from Master, assisting Master with personal tasks/work as he requests (edit papers, source things he needs), sending gifts and cards in the mail, listening to Master if he wants P.S.S. opinion on something happening in his life, sexy pictures in lingerie, swimsuits, shibari, explicit pictures of holes (plugged or otherwise), squirting evidence etc, body marks/injuries from play or tasks.  An attitude of curiosity and openness to new sexual or BDSM experiences is encouraged.


To my mind, Master is most insistent on honesty and willingness to try.  That is the most important element of being a Good Girl, Pet, Princess, Lamb and P.S.S. Breaking rules or neglecting tasks will lead to punishment which will be decided by Master and discussed.


Your Property,
P.S.S.

Weekly Update 5/11/20-5/18/20

Posted on by Avertas

Rationally, of course, I should not mind but the emotional process of being a submissive/slave is powerful

It is hard to feel like I am being asked to find you a better replacement for myself, (real name)

I am thinking about where my limit is on this and I will let you know

“Good girl

By the way, not a Replacement to you

I will still own you.”

Insecurity

For the first time this week I was unable to cum when you ordered me to do so. This occurred in the context of a few unsettling events in our relationship, at least to me. One, you had me help you with some practical writing tasks, which on one hand was flattering and appreciated as I like when you involve me in your day to day life (something I have been asking for) but also can feel a little exploitative, probably because of my own baggage. I have always been a nerdy academic overachiever and this has made me sensitive to people passing off their work for me to do. I have developed strong boundaries about this in other areas of my life. To be fair however, you did ask and I happily agreed to assist you and the work itself, although a little time consuming, was quite easy for me. I felt like you were truly appreciative of my assistance and I am honored to help you.

Likely more relevant to your Property’s lack of sexual response is that you started talking to me more recently about looking for a new sub/slave/cuckqueen to be your primary relationship. I have been through this before with having an open marriage and in other relationships so I wasn’t surprised to find myself feeling more insecure, anxious and preoccupied with the idea that you were rejecting me for some flaw. Rationally, of course, I completely understand that you desire and deserve to pursue your relationship goals. And I know I can’t meet those needs, nor do I particularly want to try to. But emotionally, it is another matter all together. The process of becoming your Slave has involved intentionally deepening and encouraging my emotional dependence on you, My Master. It has been very effective but it has also made me sensitive to what I perceive as rejection or loss of interest from you, which I think is typical in the submissive position but probably amplified by our relationship being new, long distance and my first time being a formal sub/slave.

You asked me to look over your profile from a dating site and that was the last straw. I have been asked to do similar things for lovers who were looking for primary relationships and even in less intense relationships, I found it painful and threatening. One thing I have learned from polyamory is that I just need to speak my truth and be okay with letting people know where my boundary is whether they understand and agree with it or not. Because things were complicated, my feelings were intense and I was not feeling very connected with you, I asked if we could talk on video chat. When we did, it was helpful although somewhat mixed initially. You seemed to be in a playful mood (perhaps a defense of yours?), which was frustrating as this was something serious to me and I was in my feelings. You also mixed up my real name for some reason, which certainly isn’t reassuring to a woman who is already feeling insecure about her importance to you! However, you did recover from these missteps and we had a good conversation and I felt better at being able to communicate directly with you, explain my problem and be heard. I also appreciated that you chose to have us do so outside the BDSM framework, allowing me to communicate more directly and firmly with you about my limits and needs. After that conversation I felt much calmer and connected. I appreciate that you understand why it is emotionally hard for me to help you find a new primary sub, that you are beginning to tell me about other secondary relationships you currently have and exploring how much information I can/should share with others about our connection to each other. In the future I will continue to seek more direct communication with you when I am feeling unsure about things because I repeatedly find that we do better when we are able to talk in person vs. trying to manage complicated topics over text. I hope that you will do the same, My Master.

As a result of this reassurance and clarification, I find your Property is responding better to your instructions. I also decided to approach you for more clear limits on my interactions with other men online and as I begin again seeking a male play partner. You helped me by letting me know what was acceptable to you in terms of my sexual behaviors (not sharing full nude photos/videos but otherwise able to amuse myself with sexting/saucy pics) and set a limit on the number of people I can engage with in this type of casual playful sexual activity. You also changed my status on Fet, announcing that I was owned by you, which was something I thought I felt neutral on, but I was surprised that it gave me a thrill to see it in “public”. It made it more real and like you were making more of a commitment to this being a true relationship between us.

You have asked me to have a potential play partner approach you first if I desire to make it a physical relationship and that has brought up a mixed feelings. On one hand, I’m nervous that you will scare off potential play partners, not intentionally, but who knows what you will get into your head, My Master. It’s been quite a long time since I had a sexual partner other than my husband and I really hope I can find someone who will be a good fit for my complicated situation. Of course, there’s a part of me that pushes back against your control and wants to be independent in making my own choices about my sex life. However, I felt intensely “owned” when you told me that this man would have to talk to you before he was allowed to fuck your Property. You know how much I like sexual objectification and this entire exchange, although somewhat nerve racking, has also been quite erotic for me. I’m looking forward to seeing what happens next, My Master.

Tasks

You have recently told me that you would like to revamp my Tasks and have asked for some feedback on what I like/dislike about my current daily and weekly Tasks.

Things I like in my Tasks: Being asked to think or say things out loud (Mantras), being called “Property” or anything referencing being owned or not in control of my body/mind, Doing tasks while looking in a mirror, Doing tasks in a submissive position (kneeling or lying flat on the ground), Semi public tasks (this one needs negotiating bc I understand it’s hard to know what is okay and what isn’t but I do like playing with this), Being told to wear certain things (daily body harnesses I love but also pearl panties, or no panties, or I have to wear thigh highs, high heels, etc), having to send explicit photographs or videos of my body to you, a brief ritual or mantra around plugging/unplugging FC3 would be nice as that is a daily private moment of submission, orgasm denial/control (demanding certain number of orgasms be completed or none at all), cumming on command (perhaps we can work on strengthening that through play again), detailed tasks (specific amounts of time/counts, multiple instructions, variety of toys), tasks that use all your FC (especially FC3), continued development of tolerance/interest in painful sensations during play, tasks using/involving nJoy plug, being granted reprieve from other tasks while working on special projects (Punishment or Reward tasks), extra challenging tasks for special occasions/events, perhaps some special rewards (like an explicit video of you cumming) for meeting new challenges, an occasional field trip task might be fun (go to the drug store and fuck yourself with a dildo in the bathroom for two minutes etc), I also like the weekly tasks to have titles (Squats, Motherhood etc)

Things I don’t like in my Tasks: Too rigid of a timeline for completion (which you are good about), tasks that take too long as this can become disruptive to my evening routines (understandable for punishment but weekly tasks can also get time consuming and interfere with exercise or time with my husband which is okay occasionally but not frequently), too simple of tasks (perhaps the basic edging task needs an upgrade), prolonged orgasm denial or very stimulating tasks without allowed release, tasks that require me to be unplugged for long periods of time outside of work, tasks that are excessively painful for my level, tasks requesting ATM without cleaning in between, overly frequent daily tasks that disrupt my work day (2-3 brief tasks a day seems good so far)

You gave me a lovely, dirty and challenging task for my birthday earlier this week which was amazing. You titled it “Birthday Gang Bang” which immediately got my interest. You told me to put two clothespins on each breast sandwiching each nipple in between. I was to put the Lush in FC2 and turn it to respond to sound and play music during the task. I was then to put a vibe in FC3 and a dildo in FC1. Then slide forwards and backwards, as if being fucked in a gang bang for forty strokes without orgasm allowed. This was followed by permission to bring myself to orgasm using any means and at climax, remove one clothespin, continuing to build to repeat orgasms until all clothespins were removed. My initial response was excited and pleased but then, of course, you upped the ante by telling me I had to complete this not once but three times (!) over the 24 hours of my birthday. You do demand so much and I love that. I love that your are strict and challenge me. This was a great task, if you look at what I like above, because it was detailed, used all three FC, developed pain tolerance, involved orgasm control but also release at the end and involved an erotic fantasy of mine (MFM threesome). I was feeling a little depressed about my birthday but having twelve kinky orgasms definitely cheered me up. I was so proud of this task I actually talked (bragged) about it to a few friends and they were impressed by the task and also told me that I seemed happy and fulfilled in this relationship with you. Thank you for a great birthday gift, My Master.

Weekly Update 5/4/20-5/10/20

Posted on by Avertas

I will not be able to reach that goal, My Master

“You have until WEDNESDAY Midnight to accomplish.

All freebies and tasks are cancelled until then”

I don’t accept this punishment, My Master

“I am Shocked.

You don’t have faith in yourself

Stating defeat without trying”

“It is fair that I be punished, My Master

But I don’t accept an impossible task as punishment”

Punishment Again

Sunday afternoon I broke a rule by accidentally having an orgasm while edging as part of my daily task. It was a no orgasm day. I was edging in my bathroom, using the satisfier on your clit and your plug in FC3 and watching a porn clip on my phone. I was supposed to bring myself almost to orgasm and then a slow count down from 15. I have been working on really pushing the edging right to the brink of orgasm the past week. The satisfier felt so good on your aching clit and I knew I was very close. I got to about ten and I lost control over it. As the pleasure washed over me, I groaned out loud, “Shiittt”, because I already was imagining having to tell you about it and whatever punishment I knew was coming my way. I remember looking at myself in the mirror and thinking, just for a second, “You could always not tell; He will never know”. Then shrugging that idea off because one, I have already decided to not play that kind of game with you because it cheats me more than anything. And two, I am so under your power now that it would be uncomfortable for me to lie to you about breaking a rule.

I immediately texted you, feeling annoyed that this had happened as I had been in a wonderful mood earlier in the day and now I knew something unpleasant was coming my way and nobody’s fault but my own. Sometimes you are quite generous and forgiving, so part of me was hoping you might take it easy on me as this was not disobedience, but rather error leading to breaking a rule. Also I thought you might reward me with a lighter punishment because I was so prompt and honest in telling you. I was wrong on both counts. And as I am writing this I can hear you saying, “Why should I reward you for what is EXPECTED of you, Slave Cunt”.

You responded to my announcement with displeasure as expected and gave me a punishment of being immediately unplugged for 24 hours and a new task for overstim and forced orgasms. While I agreed that I needed to be punished and that the overall theme of the punishment was appropriate to the mistake, the initial demand of 15 orgasms in two minutes annoyed me as it seemed ludicrous. I remember thinking, if you just want me to torture myself with overstim for two minutes strait, just ask for that. Don’t make me try for something I can’t achieve. I was sullen and pouty anyway since I had been hoping to be let off the hook and I didn’t like the idea of being set up for failure. You know I have a low tolerance for failure in myself or others. So I decided to reject the initial punishment.

This was my first time trying such a stunt and I had no idea how you would take it. Maybe I would be told to shut up and be a good Slave and do as Master demands or maybe the punishment would be dropped or maybe you would pull us out of our roles and talk to me as a person outside BSDM to see why I was refusing. What you did was respond in a calm and measured way and explore what I thought was unfair about the punishment. You negotiated with me an acceptable expectation (which I still thought was unachievable) of ten orgasms in five minutes with three attempts daily until I either achieved it or I hit the cut off. I was a little sulky at the time when I was feeling angry, childish and wanting to provoke you, although later I appreciated the opportunity to practice negotiating limits with you in a respectful way that did not take us out of our dynamic. You also cancelled all tasks for me until punishment was completed as you wanted punishment to be my focus.

That night, after my household had settled, I told my husband that I needed some time alone and went to my bedroom. I had charged all my toys. I stripped naked, put down a towel, took a deep breath and started. I brought myself to the first intense orgasm relatively quickly and the next two were fairly easy and still pleasurable but then your property started to respond less to the clit stim and the g spot glass dildo I was using. I switched to the wand and turned it up higher, resulting in two more orgasms that were painful spasming with no euphoria or release sensation. I was up to five and almost out of time. Your clit was so tender and sensitive that it was agony to even touch it. I grit my teeth and pushed the buzzing wand against it again, gasping and writhing at the sensation as my legs clamped together in an attempt to escape it. My timer went off and I dropped the wand, already exhausted from my first attempt. Fuck, this is going to suck, I thought as I realized what a task I had ahead of me.

I rested a few minutes and texted you the results of my first try. What I learned the first day of punishment is that the first try is the one where you are most likely to be successful because the second and third try are almost strait torture since your clit was already sensitized and tender. My second and third tries I got generally between five and seven orgasms but they were hard won. I sent you a brief video of me writhing and groaning in bed, panting, mouth open as I attempted to force yet another orgasm from your clit. I continued to update you on my progress by text every day of punishment. I also sent you pics of your soaking wet, swollen FC2, plugged FC3 and clit, or my hand slick with pussy juice. The second night you suggested I try tying my legs open to help, which I did, using scarves and a soft tie from an old dress tied to the legs of my bed. My first pathetic attempt at self restraint. It did help somewhat. This punishment was time consuming, and I often started my evening workouts late in the night with resulting late bedtimes. I was also on my second week of work in a row, meaning I was tired. I was on my cycle leading to some messy and time consuming clean up. All of these excuses meant nothing, I knew and I did not trouble with you them. Punishment is intended to be inconvenient and unpleasant after all.

As I did have to keep disappearing into my bedroom essentially every night, I had to explain to my husband that I was being punished for something. Initially he was satisfied with that vague excuse, although later he became more curious and requested more information. I explained to him that I had broken a rule and what the consequences were. He became anxious when he learned about the level of orgasm control and zero orgasm days, worried that meant you were instructing me about how to respond sexually with him. I gave him lots of reassurance that was not the case and that when we were having sex, I was free to respond naturally, which is true. One of his understandable worries is that our relationship and its power dynamics will interfere with our married sex life. This conversation led to me disclosing more to him about my daily tasks than he had known previously. He seemed surprised at the frequency and intensity of my responsibilities to you. Partly because of these conversations and issues, I approached you about the rest of my normal weekly tasks, Motherhood and Squats which would have to be completed on the remaining evenings of the week as I continued to fail at completing my punishment task. You were very gracious and waived all the rest of my tasks for the week which was deeply appreciated, My Master (although I did find myself missing the edging at work).

Finally Wednesday evening rolled around and I was determined to achieve the goal of ten orgasms in five minutes. I had hit nine a few times so I knew I was close. You gave me permission to use FC3 that night and I decided to try a new approach of going for a softer first orgasm and building up from there. Again I stripped naked, tied my legs to the bed frame, and had my toys to hand. I unplugged FC3 and slid a well lubed vibrator inside it then started the satisfier on your clit. The vibe was buzzing away as I moved it in and out, stretching your hole when the first orgasm hit and I started the timer. I kept going, changing the position of the toys to keep the sensations intense. The orgasms kept building to a large one at four, which had me pulling against the restraints. I checked the timer, still a few minutes left. I knew I could get there. I closed my eyes and put the satisfier on high and pushed it down on your clit. My legs strained against the ties and my mind went nearly blank as my body tried to escape the painfully intense feelings. I got up to seven, then stopped for a few seconds and resumed fucking your FC3 deeply for several strokes while I let your clit recover. Little over a minute left now, I grimaced and tentatively put the satisfied back on, a moan escaped me as I was thrown almost immediately into full body convulsions of agony. But I would not move the toy off your clit and I felt the last few painful spasms rip through me with relief. I went limp and stared at the ceiling. I had done it and I was completely exhausted. I thought about how much I had learned from this punishment; that I could negotiate with you, that you could be reasonable and help me achieve my goal, that I could persist in something and achieve it, even when I though it wasn’t possible, practical experience in self restraint and overstim, discovering an anxiety of my husband’s and addressing it and reinforcement of the importance of adhering to the rules and how seriously you expect me to take them. I felt proud of myself and also silly about that, because who feels proud of something like having ten orgasms while tied to the bed? I guess a Slave does, My Master.

Integration and Disappointments

Last night we were texting late and you brought up a change I have noticed you making lately. You have recently been pairing my true name with the title Slave. You had started with this weeks ago, during play, and it made me nervous right from the beginning. One reason is that I understand the use of my real name to indicate that we are stepping outside the BDSM framework to discuss something. When you pair my name with the title Slave I am unsure about where I am supposed to be responding from, which psychological position.

We have been exploring how and why I keep the separate aspects of my life/personality/personhood apart recently. This partly came up because we were talking about my starting a relationship with the man I had been communicating with throughout quarantine, who completely and unexpectedly ghosted me this week after offering to make and bring me lunch at work. This was a first experience for me and we’ve discussed how it is bringing up the expected feelings of disappointment, anger, embarrassment, insecurity and reluctance to trust others. I can’t help but think about our relationship as there are similarities. What if you did something similar to me after developing this intensity and reliance on you? That would be so painful but I have made myself vulnerable to such suffering by trusting you. I hope I am not making a mistake with you, like I did with this man who completely wasted my time. I will say that with you, even if we never meet, I have learned a lot from experiences with you and that will always have value to me.

So this possibility of a new sexual partner, although now a moot point was the trigger for discussing how to balance the Slut and Slave parts of my life with the other more conventional but equally important roles I play. I was talking about how I would like to work towards integrating some of these roles, although of course, there will always be boundaries and privacy. I want these aspects of myself to feel understood, accepted and internally integrated inside my mind. On some level they are all connected, but just by the deep roots. You asked if we should continue to use my name with the Slave title or if I found it too distressing and although I don’t like it (yet), its fine to continue. It may be even good. When I don’t like something you often push me to explore it more and we find out interesting things. I remain open to physically and emotionally painful experiences as a path toward knowledge. However, I would like us to agree on another way to indicate that we are setting aside the BSDM roles if and when we need to do so. I am not ready yet to give up completely the option to communicate with you as something other than your Slave, My Master.

Weekly Update 4/27/20-5/3/20

Posted on by Avertas

“Look in your review mirror

Stare into your eyes”

Yes, My Master

“Repeat, I am my Master’s Slave. His Property.

He is Respectful of my Limits.

I am his 3 Hole Fuck Slave

Repeat that 10 times, slowly”

Yes, My Master

I have done it my Master

“Is your mind at rest?”

Yes, My Master

Very calm

Hush

I had recently been feeling a little annoyed about a minor thing but I brought it up with you this week. You had me purchase two remote controlled vibrators, delivered several weeks ago and we have not really played with them much. You do like shopping and having lots of options for your creative and devious mind and I am happy to indulge My Master. However, these were somewhat expensive toys and they were sitting in my toy box barely used. I began to think about maybe using them with other lovers so I at least had some experiences with them if you were not interested. I brought this up with you and you took it into consideration. Generally you have asked me to reserve “our” toys from play with my husband and others. I understand and respect this limit. You decided that I could use the Lush (vaginal egg vibrator) with others but that the Hush (butt plug vibrator) was just for us.

This conversation led to you requesting me to be ready to use the Hush one morning before work. You have noticed how much I enjoy the juxtaposition of completing submissive tasks around the edges of my professional work schedule. You had me replace the Njoy with the Hush and once I got to work, you started buzzing it. I was ordered to find a bathroom, but the one I wanted to use was frustratingly occupied for a suspiciously long time. We joked that perhaps someone else was doing a service ritual in there. You kept the Hush buzzing while I wandered about the busy hallways, clacking my heels loudly to cover the possible faint sound of buzzing. Finally I found a private bathroom.

You quickly had me on my knees with my pants pulled down, following your instructions to edge your clit for thirty seconds, then enjoying making me beg to be granted another 30 seconds to play with it. Then you had me pull out the Hush, allowed me to wash it quickly and ordered me to put it in my mouth. It is longer than the Njoy and awkward to have in the mouth. As soon as I sent you the requested pic of it in FH1 you ordered me to cum, which I did, with my head leaning against the cold edge of the sink, your pussy aching, knees on the hard tile, half gagging on the warm butt plug in my mouth which you were still vibrating, making me drool. You reminded me that I was a nasty, plug sucker and when I asked to take it out of my mouth you asked me what I was. Which was (and is) your drooling Pathetic Slut Slave and your Property, of course. After which you ordered me to cum again. And then you asked me to look in the mirror and tell you what else I was. My thoughts at looking at myself in the mirror were so mixed, My Master. I felt strangely proud, of course excited by the risk and the novelty of the experience, flattered and pleased by your attention and creativity, concerned and anxious that I had chosen to get into situation like this. But mostly I fucking loved this outrageous situation and being your slave and doing crazy, fun, sexy things. I was beautifully dressed for work with full make up and heels and I was kneeling in a public bathroom, pants down, body harness in place with a vibrating butt plug in my mouth. I texted you back that I was a crazy motherfucker and you laughed and said “aren’t we all”. Then you reminded me that I’m also a pathetic ass plug sucker and made me cum yet again. Finally you released your slave to work.

The next time we played with the Hush you wanted to start before I went to work. I did request, and was granted, the ability to turn the Hush off while saying goodbye to my family for the day. You had me set it to respond to noise and as I did my makeup and hair I played Spotify playlists and felt the vibrations changing in your ass with each song. I absolutely love the physical sensation and found it so pleasurable I asked your permission to cum. As I had been obedient with my no orgasm day previous I had three “freebie” orgasms available and you told me I could do as I wished with them. I ended up fucking FH2 on the bathroom floor with my suction cup dildo while fingering your clit and with the Hush buzzing in your ass. It felt so fucking fantastic I blew through two of my three orgasms before I even left the house.

That morning I actually stopped at Dunkin Doughnuts to get a coffee and kept the Hush going, smiling sweetly at the lady giving me change; amused at her having no idea your pussy was dripping wet from the sex toy buzzing away inside FH3. The drive to work felt lovely with the Hush buzzing away in tune with the radio. When I pulled into the parking lot you asked me how much time I had left before I had to go into work. You took over control of the Hush at that point and also direct control of me. You had me repeat the above “Mantra” in the first quote out loud to myself ten times while you stimulated your slave’s hole and my colleagues walked past my car sitting in the lot. The look in my own eyes was surprisingly calm, proud and accepting as I repeated that I was your property and your three hole fuck slave. Initially I felt kind of stupid talking to myself but that quickly faded as I felt my mind sinking into a submissive state as I echoed your chosen words. You then had me imagine myself on a leash while I strolled around the block with the Hush buzzing and you reinforced my position as your property, reminding me to stand tall and own my role. You then had me cum standing in the parking lot while a strange man loaded a truck about thirty feet away. I tried to pretend I was looking at my phone while FH3 buzzed and your pussy clenched and dripped at your command. I loved every minute of it.

Playtimes

I enjoyed doing my tasks, both daily edgings and no orgasm days as well as my two more complicated tasks, fucking your Slave’s ass with dildo while doing 120 Squats and “Motherhood”, the task involving edging, mild breast pain with clothespins and ending again with fucking FH3 with clit stim until orgasm. I enjoyed that so much this week that I actually squirted, something rare for me. Saturday night you kindly granted my request for a more extended play session. You told me all the many things I needed, primarily a LOT of dildos and clothespins.

You chose to do voice only and it was so nice hearing your voice again for longer than a brief audio clip. I had changed into a purple crotchless, open cup teddy and lit candles. I had set myself up with towels, sex toys, lube and a large mirror to watch myself. It was a good session, with continued exploring of clothespins and adding more pain with them on the breasts and for the first time on your pussy (which was stuffed with the Lush and a dildo at the time). I did get some time in subspace, right after the first time you ordered me to cum. There was also a level of humor, intimacy and familiarity between us in this session that was pleasing to me. I do feel that you have opened up to me more and are letting me get to know you, sharing some of the things that are happening in your life and respectfully asking for my thoughts on them. This added warmth and connection in our relationship is welcomed and appreciated. You spent a lot of time and energy on me as well and that was deeply appreciated, My Master.

RG

I have decided to use initials for the other men and women in my life when I talk about them in this blog, My Master. You had suggested perhaps I should start a second blog about my “Slut” adventures but other than my dread of having to write even more diary entries I also want to keep my BDSM and other non monogamous sexual experiences less fractured. I consider all of this part of my sexual journey. I think it’s interesting that you suggested I write about them separately, perhaps an unconscious desire on your part to keep a boundary between your relationship with me as your Slave and my experiences and adventures outside of my time with you. But if this body is truly your Property, My Master then you must be at peace with allowing it to be pleasured in your absence. You must grant me that permission to explore and enjoy sex with another man, a dominant man. I don’t think that is easy for you, although you have not forbidden it. My husband is easier because you know our dynamic and our love is not a threat to you. But perhaps this new lover is.

We’re to meet this week and he seems quite interested in me, although he can blow hot and cold at times. Our relationship has been explicitly sexual since the beginning and I won’t lie to you My Master, I do want to have sex with him. I don’t know how much to tell you about it all. I don’t want you to give me too many restrictions, to sabotage this budding relationship with strange demands. But I do want to show you respect, to honor my bond and my obligations to you as your Property, to reassure you that you own me, mind, body and more and more, heart. I want you to feel confident that you can let your Slut play with her toys, mechanical and human, with impunity, just like you grant me freebie orgasms, to keep my hunger slated temporarily, until you can satisfy me completely yourself.

Addendum

Posted on by Avertas

“In your mouth with it”

My Master, you rightly pointed out today, after reading my update, that I neglected to include something that happened during our play on Friday night. I was honestly unconscious of omitting it, and even when you reminded me that it had happened, I still had to scroll back through our texts to be sure of what you were referencing. And then my heart sank when I realized what you wanted me to write about.

Because what you had asked me to do, and what I did is very hard for me to discuss. You had told me to unplug and scolded me for questioning you and I was crying. You reassured me I was not being punished and told me to finish my task and I sent you a picture of the njoy plug on the floor after I pulled it out of your FH3. As soon as I sent that picture I knew immediately what you were going to tell me to do next. I felt panic because I knew you were going to tell me to put it in my mouth and I just…can’t. And I was right, you told me to put it in my mouth.

I looked at the text and I looked at the plug and thought, if it’s clean I think I can do it. So I asked permission to wash it and you said yes (oh, thank you, My Master for that). So I washed it quickly with hot, soapy water in my bathroom and then I put it in my mouth. It was surprisingly heavy and hard to hold in my mouth. You told me to send you a picture and I did and you wanted to know what I was thinking. I felt angry and humiliated and excited and scared and proud and overwhelmed. I was thinking that you didn’t need to push me this hard but I knew you would. You had me face my mirror and watch myself play with your clit while I sucked on the butt plug until you commanded me to cum. Which I did, of course, writhing on the floor, still holding that fucking plug in my mouth.

Some of the things we will do are not “nice” BDSM, not aesthetic black and white, pretty lingerie and tidy shibari. I am ashamed to talk about the gross and nasty things that are part of my humiliation kink because I know people will judge and be disgusted by them. They are disgusting, that’s kind of the point. It’s very intimate and I feel so exposed talking about this here, but I have done so at your request.

The other thing, which you brought up as well, is that my husband can and does, read this blog. And this is something I would never want to share with him because I know he would never find this sexually exciting and he has made jokes etc about more extreme kinks in the past, as have I. He and I had discussed having a flag of some sort on blog posts I didn’t want him to read and I mentioned today that this might be one of them. This led to a very good discussion during which he openly acknowledged that he had been occasionally kink shaming in the past but felt that was changing as he watched and read about my journey. He also reassured me again that he loved me and that other than rejecting his love or lying to him, there was very little I could do that would change that. I guess we are going to find out if that’s true, but I feel pretty sure that it is. And there is no flag on this post because I am trying to be brave and let him see all the parts of me, even the ones I would rather hide.

Slave

You have had me repeatedly take the BSDM test over the past few months and the results have shifted a bit, although no surprise that “degradee” is always the top of the list, followed shortly by non monogamous, submissive, switch, masochist, rope bunny in close order. But its obvious from inside the dynamic of our relationship that we have moved firmly in the direction of Master and Slave, which has not been reflected, however, by the test results. When I first took the test in late Jan, 2020 I scored 53 on Slave. And after our last play, where I called you Lord, came on your command, sucked my butt plug and sent pictures to you and abased myself by lying face down on the floor because I wasn’t even worthy to kneel any more, my Slave rating went all the way up to…67.

You obviously noticed something was off and asked me about it. I knew right away what the issue was, which reflects a larger issue in my experiences with being a traditional BDSM slave. I score so low because all the questions asking about being a slave involve some variant of “would you give up everything else in your life to live out your BDSM dreams” etc. And while that is a fun fantasy for me, there is absolutely no way I would ever give up my other three major life roles as a working professional, a mother and a wife to focus solely on being a slave. When I explained that to you, you understood and agreed completely and encouraged me to take it again disregarding the other roles I play for the sake of the test, answering just based on my personal and sexual interests. I scored 98 on Slave when I took it a second time, “with the understanding that I know you are not abandoning those core roles”.

It is always going to be hard to balance all the things that I am. I am a really complicated person. I’m also a really lucky person, because I seem to draw great people towards me to help me, to mentor me, to love me, to fuck me and to forgive me for being such a weird, difficult, funny, moody, smart, slutty woman, who also is an obedient Slave to her Master.

Weekly Update 4/5/20-4/12/20

Posted on by Avertas

I will replug myself before I leave work if you wish, My Sir

It is not my place to do so without your permission

“My, my

My slut is sinking deeper into her slavehood

Yes, your owner wishes his Property is Plugged until further notice

Exceptions: when at work, when your husband requests it removed, medical reasons”

Ooooh boy

Yes, My Master

Connection

You replugged your ass, your FH3, which honestly it feels like you have fucked it at this point although you have never laid a finger on me in real life. I know you wondered if I felt better, felt closer to you, felt “grounded” as you say. Yes, that is true, which is embarrassing to admit to bc it seems like such a weird, gross way to feel connected to someone. When you asked me to stay plugged almost all the time outside of work I was not surprised. I had been waiting for that request for some time. I smiled and then I frowned, because it is a big request and it was very like you to launch it at me so casually. Hey, Slut, wear this butt plug for the forseeable future because I want you to. It bothers me a bit that you didn’t really acknowledge that it was a major act of service for me to accept. Maybe you don’t realize I see it that way. The crazy thing is that I did want to be told to do this, but still saying yes to that request felt like a big step.

It made me remember earlier in the relationship when you mentioned something about me wearing your plug 24/7 and at that time I reacted very negatively and with shock and scorn, really. Of course at the time I had no experience with plugs designed for long term wear but I don’t think that would have made much of difference in my feelings at the time. I remember being angry and that I would never humiliate myself like that. Obviously things keep changing. I keep changing. And that can be a scary. You told me this week that an image (frightened woman being held down by the neck with a leash and collar near a dog bowl while a man threatens her with a closed fist) was rated by me as a 2/5 in the past for initial appeal and this week I rated it 5/5. I have become so more aware of what I want and what arouses me, better understanding my kinks and open to new kinds since our relationship began.

Overall I think that is a good thing and exactly the sort of experience a new sub wants from his or her Dom. I do start to wonder where it will end. You once told me about watching a woman at a sex party get fucked by anyone who wanted her. And internally I was squirming because I have always had fantasies about being used by multiple men but the thought of actually living out that fantasy is scary. But if my mind can change about images and ideas then it can change about actions too. I guess it gets down to identity and values and “morals” and all kinds of deep messages we have all received our entire lives about sexuality and shame. It both troubles and excites me that I no longer know where I would draw the line because I am constantly redrawing them with you.

Who are you?

You had dropped hints in the past about wanting me to send you gifts as you are currently far away, isolated, bored and doing a difficult job. I am not a particularly good gift giver and I am busy so I conveniently ignored that until recently when you not so subtly told me to send you gifts. I felt guilty for neglecting you. So I went to one of the few stores still open and bought some treats and things for you. I would have like to go to the porn store and get you something naughty because I know you would have enjoyed that even more but I couldn’t due to the quarantine having closed almost all the stores.

It was strange buying you things because it really made it clear how little I know about you as a person. Our relationship is so artificial and we are limited in so many ways. It was a good opportunity for me to learn a little bit more about you and to just joke around with you a bit, which I enjoy. I still don’t really know if you like that. I feel like you are resistant to developing a friendship with me and I don’t know why. Of course, because I don’t think very highly of myself, my first thought is that you don’t really like my personality and find me annoying. Then I think maybe you just have firm boundaries with your subs and prefer to keep it very formal and just BDSM. Which I will accept although I think I would prefer a Dom who could make space for there to be casual, friendly connection as well. Then I think maybe you’re intimidated by ME and worry that you are hiding behind the BSDM roles and titles and rules etc so that I won’t know you as a person. Because then I can’t reject you as a person either. You have gone through several relationships ending in the past and this one is challenging and new, perhaps you are also keeping yourself safe.

Failures

We have had several fun and spontaneous sexual playdates this week and I enjoyed them so much and appreciate your creativity and skill in arousing and satisfying me both physically and mentally. But we have also had some failures and this has shown areas where we perhaps have different goals. For me, sexual pleasure and orgasm are an important driver of my participation in BDSM and our relationship as well. This week I have had some trouble orgasming with your instruction, mostly because of communication issues. I feel like we are always rushed and have no privacy, which is true because both of us work full time and have “roommates” with little control over the environment sometimes. I guess I need to be more patient but I am a greedy girl, especially when it comes to pleasure.

We had a spontaneous playdate in the basement when I was working out. You had told me I was going to get to play with FH3 later that night, sending me a picture of a woman fucking her ass with a dildo. I was excited and when I went down to workout I brought my suction cup dildo with me, hoping you would text me and maybe we could play. You did and had me strip naked and set up my workout bench so I could fuck myself on the dildo while looking in the mirror. You also watched me on video call which is something we had not done before.

This was not a particularly successful BDSM experience for me despite my being very excited about it and a lot of things happened that I enjoyed. I feel reluctant right now to talk about it because I don’t want to seem critical and I know how hard it is to top, especially long distance and on short notice. The signs of problems for me were that I was unable to feel that dreamy, subby, brainless feeling that I love from a BSDM scene and I wasn’t able to orgasm while I was with you despite a lot of anal and clit stim which I love and usually would be successful. I have been thinking about it and I also discussed it with a friend.

First the environment was difficult because my husband was upstairs and unaware that I was doing anything sexual much less buck naked fucking myself in the ass and pinching my clit in front of a giant mirror. I couldn’t secure the door so I just had to pray that he didn’t walk in on me, which wasn’t exactly relaxing. I could have told him that I needed privacy but I didn’t feel like having a long conversation explaining what I was doing and then having to process all his opinions and feelings about it later. So I just decided to risk getting walked in on and deal with the fall out if it happened. Secondly, I was insecure about my body because this was our first time doing video chat for sex and the lighting is atrocious in the basement, like department store changing room overhead flourescent and I did not feel pretty or sexy at all. Third, you didn’t have me lube up my dildo again at any point and it started to get uncomfortable and I felt stupid stopping you so I could do that although at one point I finally had to. Fourth, its hard for me to cum standing up because I lose control of my body when I orgasm hard and I will fall down. All of these are small things but combined it made the situation less comfortable and I was distracted and having a hard time getting into the right mindset.

The most important problem to my mind though is that you have recently been pursuing a line of thought about degrading me that doesn’t “work” for me. You were talking about me being ashamed of myself and making me look at myself in the mirror but I didn’t feel ashamed at all. I thought I looked pretty fucking hot taking that thick dildo up your FH3. You were contrasting my persona in the outside world, which is quite polished and confident and contrasting it with the image in the mirror, a naked woman pleasuring herself in an obscene way at the bidding of a strange man. But the thing is I feel like I am embracing that woman now and I value her.

In the moment it felt rude to stop you or say anything and I was definitely enjoying myself but I couldn’t help thinking that if you knew me better you would have known that some of the things you were saying were not going to work, because they are not true about me. I internally rolled my eyes and giggled when you used the term “prim and proper”, which no one would ever say about me as I strut around in high heels, make my friends laugh by twerking, drop the F bomb at work and have a darkly sarcastic sense of humor. Almost everyone who knows me would say that I am bold, funny, sexual and assertive. So this made me feel again like you don’t really know me as a person. The BDSM I like is personal in nature; you can’t successfully humiliate people with random statements. The key needs to fit the lock.

My friend advised me to talk to you about this and feels that in general we should talk more rather than just text about BDSM. So I requested and you granted me a chance to talk on video chat without playing. I feel like I’m forcing this communication on you. You agreed to a “meeting” once a week or so. We’ll see how that goes. I don’t like to force people to talk to me. I guess recently I am feeling the desire to connect with you as a person and as my Master. What do you get out of this? You never talk to me about these blogs you ordered me to write other than to tell me I’m somehow not doing them right. You never tell me if you are sexually aroused by our conversations or the images I send you. Do you masturbate to thoughts of our play or do you forget about it? You told me that a good submissive should be consumed by thoughts of her Master and I do think about you a lot. I’m sure it won’t be a surprise that my biggest question about you is how you feel about me.