Tag: long distance relationhip

Meeting My Master 11/25/20

Posted on by Avertas

Voicemails between My Master and Property

On the topic of being your tasty little Slut, My Master, do you have any preferences on what you want me to wear or not wear…Or just go with my gut, My Master?

Other than my Slave Plug, of course, My Master

“Since this will be an evening of firsts for you…Dealer’s choice, go with your gut…casual yet sexy. And then this weekend I will require more easy access. Tonight, not so much. I would like to relax you before I consume you”.

Thank you, My Master. It will be as you wish

____________________________________________________

I am home safe, My Master

Thank you for a wonderful evening and for accepting me as your Slave, My Lord

“Thank you, My Slave.

I hope you enjoyed yourself tonight

I did.”

Immensely, My Master

“O.

Why?”

I am going to be quite distracted now thinking about Saturday and an opportunity to serve you further, My Master

Because you are just what I hoped you would be, My Master

I can’t explain what a relief it was to be in your arms

And to be allowed to kneel for you, My Lord

I did not make a mistake in choosing to give myself to you

You came home on Tuesday and I was dying of anticipation, giving girlish squeals of happiness every time you were able to send me a quick update on your journey back; a selfie and brief text from the airport sending a thrill through me. You were finally here, less than half an hour drive away. I was ecstatic. You had planned for us to meet this weekend for a hike and perhaps lunch, but I knew I would be losing my mind waiting for so long. To my relief, with some gentle nudging and sweet begging, you agreed to let us meet earlier. I was pleased to be able to take you out for a homecoming dinner and we chose my favorite steakhouse restaurant to meet on Wednesday at 7 pm.

I had a strange day; work wasn’t too busy and I had several appointments to get lab work drawn. I was distracted by all the running around, but always in the back of my mind was the constant awareness that I was getting closer and closer to finally meeting you, My Master. I was nervous that the date would fall through so it wasn’t until you left me a voice message confirming and letting me know what to wear that it fully hit me that we would finally really meet today. I hurried home from my errands and started trying to figure out WHAT TO WEAR… You had instructed “casual yet sexy” but I know your taste is women’s clothing runs firmly in the “sexy” category. I immediately nixed all jeans and sweater combinations. I sent pics of various options to my friend who helped me chose a decidedly sexy outfit of a bright red halter style top with mesh neckline over a black fitted skirt which I work with nude thigh high stockings and black heels. I was torn about wearing heels since I am tall and I knew we would be about the same height in heels. However, I know you love my legs and they looked too good in heels for me to switch to flats. I was starting to run out of time as it took so long to figure out my outfit. I freshened up my makeup, put on some perfume and ran to my car already feeling the nerves start to build.

I was getting more and more nervous as I drove the twenty mintues to the restaurant. I am not generally an anxious person so I was surprised at the intensity of my feelings. I tried playing music loudly to try and distract myself and giving myself little pep talks that if you were weird or you didn’t seem to like me that I would be okay. Although in my heart, of course, I knew that it would be devastating to me if we were not a good fit for each other after months of dedicated service and the close bond I feel with you. I remember checking my hand to see if it was shaking before I got out of the car; I didn’t want you to see how anxious I really was. As I was pulling in you texted me saying you would be a few minutes late and I breathed a sigh of relief. I was pleased to arrive first as it would put me more in control of the situation. As I walked to the restaurant I smiled as the men walking out to their cars turned their heads to watch me or smiled and greeted me pointedly. At least I knew my outfit was effective.

I was waiting to be taken to a table and you texted again saying you were almost there. A few minutes later a heavy set man with short greying hair came in with his face turned away and for a second I thought maybe it was you. My heart started pounding until he turned toward me, immediately scanned down to look at my legs, then finally looked up to what must have been a very confusing expression on my face as I thankfully realized it wasn’t you. They came to seat me then and I sat down alone, phone next to me, wondering what was going to happen when I first saw you. I truly didn’t know how to act when I met you. You had said I could ask for a hug. I had never had to ask men for permission to do anything to them before. Should I just say “Hi” and not touch you? Should I shake your hand? I was still ruminating on these thoughts when I saw you. And literally the next thing I knew I was in your arms.

I am blushing now typing this, My Master. That was so completely unplanned and there was not even any conscious thought behind it I swear. It just happened. I don’t even remember getting up. You were surprised, of course but not for long. You just let me feel your body and then gave me a strong firm hug back, after which I sheepishly slipped away and sat back down, blushing and beaming like a child. As I’m sure you know, I have an expressive face and my feelings are easy to read. You kindly made some pleasant small talk to calm me and smooth things over. I couldn’t help staring at you and you smirked, knowing that I was devouring you with my eyes as you took off your winter gear and sat down.

You are a very handsome man, My Master, which I already knew, but what a pleasure and relief to have it confirmed in real life. Your silver hair, strong features, dark, piercing eyes and deep yet dry, masculine voice would be enough to make any woman notice and desire you. You were relaxed, in control and polite. You were also dominant and in the best possible way. Not clumsy, heavy handed, awkward or excessive. There was no play acting although some actions were calculated. Others felt spontaneous as you allowed yourself to respond to your reading of me. You were firm, but graceful and slowly explored you hold on me over the course of the evening. It was very much the feeling of being hunted by a seasoned Wolf, who knows the prey is weak and will fall to him and therefor takes his time, enjoying the process. You touched me a lot, even right from the beginning. It felt strange at first to be handled like that, like your object but also erotic. You played with my hands, turning them over and running your fingers over my callouses from weight lifting and the life and love lines on my palm. You placed them gently palm down on the table and told me not to move. You looked deep into my eyes and then you ordered me to cum. Of course, your Property responded immediately in such a situation and you smiled slightly with pleasure, keeping your eyes locked on mine as you watched my panting response to your order in the middle of the restaurant.

All through dinner (which was excellent) we had a lovely, easy conversation, with lots of laughter. We have been talking for so long and you have allowed me to meet so many of your friends it made it easy for us to feel connected. Easier than I had even anticipated which pleased me. You were surprisingly romantic and attentive to me and I enjoyed that so much, My Master. You sent back my wine when I didn’t care for it and cut up the steak we shared, carefully choosing for me. You fed me some of the dessert with your own hand, amusing yourself by giving me orders to open and close my mouth. You played and teased and tested me gently. You made me cum again, correcting me sternly when I tried to close my eyes or look away. The third time you made me cum in public I did it perfectly, ignoring all the rest of the world as I looked at My Master’s eyes and felt the pleasure he allowed me to wash over his Property.

I excused myself to use the bathroom and enjoyed your gaze on me as I stood up for the first time and you took in a full view of your Slave. On my return you had me pause in the aisle in front of you and turn in a full circle in one direction and then another; the action commanded with just a gesture of your hand. As I rotated for your viewing in front of the entire restaurant, I caught the eye of an older man seated a few tables away who was watching the display and gave me a slightly surprised scowl of disapproval. I only blushed, smiled and sat down when I was ordered. A few minutes later you got up to go to the bathroom yourself. You told me to put my hands on the table again, palms down and not move until you came back. Then you reached over, grabbed me firmly but subtly by the back of my hair, pulled my neck back and gave it a small but sharp bite. It was the first time your lips touched my skin. I sat there in shock and joy, not moving an inch, smiling from ear to ear until you came back and asked me how it had felt to wait. And I told you the truth… it felt wonderful to wait for My Master, to be obedient to your command, my mind filled only with thoughts of you. Because by that point, I knew I wanted you to be My Master, without a shadow of a doubt on my heart any longer.

Our meal ended with cappuccino and a shared dessert and you put me on your arm as we walked to our cars. You had recognized my car and parked next to me, which made me smile. Of course by that point I was extremely aroused and desperately wanted to kiss you, smell you, lick you, suck your fingers and your cock. I knew you could feel that energy which must have been coming off me in waves. You seemed amused and yet also affected by me. You allowed me to kiss your neck and I did so with hungry lips, nibbling, licking, caressing you with my mouth, moaning slightly under my breath. I kissed your mouth and you sternly reprimanded me and explained that I had not asked permission first and I apologized immediately and sincerely in a desperate tone, just wanting more of you.

We were standing in the almost empty parking lot, arms wrapped around eachother, kissing. Your felt your Property’s round ass and reached around and began tugging gently on my Slave plug through my silky panties. I don’t know if you intended to pull it out or not, but you did, which was an interesting conundrum. The situation got immediately more interesting as I then looked over your shoulder and saw a police cruiser driving past us as it circled the lot. We both giggled at the situation, still holding eachother as we waited for the police to drive off. Then you simply bent me over in the parking lot, pulled up my skirt and stuck my plug back in FC3 while I moaned and pushed FC3 against the pressure, sighing as I felt it slide into place…certainly a first for this Slave. You carefully pulled my skirt down, then held me with my back against you as you squeezed my tits. My ass was rubbing against you and I could feel your rock-hard, thick cock through your pants. I wanted to suck it so badly, My Master, more than anything. I ground my ass firmly against your cock and you allowed me to for a few seconds before turning me around and kissing me deeply again, biting my tongue as I moaned in pleasure.

I apologize as now I started to get subby and I don’t remember the order of events as clearly. We were still in the parking lot. I have no idea if other people were around, I could only focus on you, you filled my mind. You opened my car door and had me sit on the seat facing you with my legs open; you thrust your knee against my crotch and told me to hump it while I recited my Morning Prayer Mantra, which reminds me that I am a worthless cunt owned by you no matter if I am plugged, harnessed or collared. I shamelessly and eagerly bucked my hips and rubbed your wet FC2 against your hard knee, which you pressed more and more firmly against my sensitive clit while I proclaimed myself to be your cunt more and more loudly until you told me to cum and I did gasping and calling for you to come closer to me, to hold me. In response you pulled me into your arms again and kissed me, then slapped me gently across my right cheek, kissed me again, hit me again. This made me gasp with surprise and then melt in joy, smiling into your eyes after every hit, loving the mix of violence and tenderness. You told me to kneel and without a thought I did so, in the cold, dark parking lot on the rough asphalt, I knelt without hesitation or delay for the man I now knew was My Master. You offered your hand and I was honored to kiss it in submission and devotion.

You stood me back up and told me I was pretty and funny and sluttier than you expected. You wanted me to be your Slave. I breathed a sigh of relief and joy and buried my head into your chest. You gave me a few more cuddles, told me to text you when I got home and popped me into my car. You drove away, leaving behind your blissed out Pathetic Anal Slut Slave, FC3 plugged by your hand, FC2 wet and hungry, FC1 longing for the taste of your cock. A Slave at peace and in awe of her luck at being chosen to be Owned by you, My Lord.

Update 11/22/20

Posted on by Avertas

“Thinking back, what 10 months

*Screenshot of our original conversation after Matching on an online dating site*

Did you think you would be here then?”

Never in a thousand years did I imagine a relationship as wonderful as this, My Master

I didn’t know anything

About myself

About what I was capable of

About serving a true Master

I’m so very lucky to have been chosen by you, My Lord

“True

And thank you for being open to such a relationship”

I think of all the boring, inexperienced Doms I could have ended up with

Yuck

“You would have Dominated him within a month

Or Less”

Yep 🙂 🙂 🙂

I feel safe with you, My Master

Your Dominance is natural to you and yet you have developed it and educated yourself

I think I present some challenges but that will just keep you interested, My Master

They are also opportunities

“Challenges are good

Plus your Huntress nature is just whip cream on an already yummy cake”

Homecoming

It has been a challenging month as we edge closer to the end of a challenging year…but as you say, challenges are good, My Master. I have not been writing the blog as I had an abrupt increase in my work responsibilities that required me to work longer hours and also be isolated from my family and friends. I also was working though a period of feeling distant from you, uncertain of your interest in me outside of as a trophy and a potential source of group sex, insecure about whether we were truly a good match and if either of us would be satisfied in our dynamic.

As I have observed many times over the past ten months, when there is tension in our relationship, the first thing to go for me are the command orgasms, followed by the desire to submit. Acts of submission are uncomfortable, unnatural and anxiety provoking when I don’t feel sure about being your Slave, like praying when your heart is full of doubt. I stopped praying when I was 12 because I hated that feeling of being fake. But I still went to church and sat politely in the pew, because that was expected of me and I knew my role. Similarly I have never stopped kneeling, following the rules and performing our Rituals everyday regardless if my heart is in them because I respect my role as your Slave which I have agreed to and in my opinion this is part of it. The discipline, consistency and dedication to keep getting on your knees for your Dom even when it isn’t easy, when you don’t feel connected, when you feel stupid and unhappy and lost.

Because we are adults and we have both worked hard on building communication in this relationship we were able to talk about what was going on. It is the same pattern we have seen multiple times now. You get stressed, bored, distracted, busy and withdraw your energy and attention. I notice immediately (like any good needy little sub), try to give you space, wait for you to come back, get panicky when you don’t, increase my acts of service hoping to gain your attention and praise. When that doesn’t work I feel rejected, hurt and angry, suspicious that you have found another sub who is more interesting, scared that I am going to get hurt even worse. So I then withdraw to protect myself, no longer feel safe, no longer able to submit with my whole heart because I am not sure of my place with you. This is all worsened a thousand fold by high stress in both our lives, lack of privacy limiting direct communication and a lot of uncertainty about what our relationship will even look like when we meet in real life. I freely admit that I am highly sensitive to feeling rejected right now as I am struggling with feeling undesired and rejected in my marriage.

We talked and we listened to each other. I asked you to please let me know when you need to step back because you are stressed and overwhelmed. That feels better for me and it is a normal thing to need a break. Being a Dom requires a lot of energy; it’s okay to not always have that. If I don’t know the reason for the changes in you, I will assume it is something wrong with me, that I am displeasing you in some way, that you are looking to replace me and that those feelings are damaging to the dynamic. Since that conversation things have improved immensely. You were reassuring that you don’t want to release me from your service. I explained why I was no longer orgasming on your command and my general lack of submissive feelings at that time. After few days of increased effort on both sides at attending to the relationship we had a good session where you re-established your dominance and control over me, calling me on video chat, putting me on my knees and then on my belly on the floor in obedience and worship of you, My Master. I had been waiting for you to do it as part of your duties as the Dominant and necessary to the healing of the breach in our dynamic. It was beautiful to feel that connection to you again, My Master. To kneel and obey My Master, safe in the knowledge that I am chosen to serve him. That he sees and values my dedication and the gift of my submission is not worthless.

Then both our worlds got crazy as you entered the last phases of preparing to return home and I was swept up in the stress of life. And suddenly it’s here, you’re on the doorstep, a few days away from being local. You have decided when and where we will meet, have told me in advance that you plan to use your FC1 at minimum and that all your FC should be available, with FC3 to be stuffed with the Hush. You have asked about my feelings and I am of course, nervous and preoccupied. I know you will like me, My Master, I am not worried about that. I know that the sex part will be fine and I’m fairly confident that I will feel submissive to you in real life. Although there is a tiny part that can’t help but think, what if I don’t feel it? What if I don’t have an urge to submit to this man in the flesh? Then what? I’m sure you are smiling now, My Master, at such a silly idea.

What I am more concerned about is everything outside the sexual aspect of our BDSM dynamic. The parts of you that you have not shared much but which you cannot hide if we are going to spend time together doing more that just kinky sex (and I am so much looking forward to the kinky sex!). We are sort of in a 24/7 thing, My Master, which is easy to maintain when we are just texting and exchanging sexy pics and nasty porn clips but how about when we spend four hours together having lunch and watching a movie? This is where I have no experience with how to act as your sub and also your friend and lover. I hope that you will be patient with me as we figure out that part, who we are to each other outside of the sex and kink and how we interact. It’s okay that we don’t have an answer to that and it will take some time because in that aspect of things we are just beginning, even though other parts of our relationship are so intense and well developed.

So meeting you is a strange and new thing for me, My Master. I have never been in a long distance relationship before and just that part, meeting someone I have been talking to for almost a year would be nerve wracking enough. But for it to be My Master, a man I have given so much power to, a man I have longed for, a man I have dreams and hopes about, a man that I respect and desire…well, of course, I am a mess. But also excited and hopeful. The only way out is through and I cannot wait for this week to go by. I long for the moment I can be with you, be claimed by you in the flesh and for everything to begin.

Weekly Update 10/11/20-10/18/20

Posted on by Avertas

Thank you, My Master

I am out of the shower

Thank you for the orgasms, My Lord

“You just become more and more responsive

How are you feeling?

Besides surface clean”

So, so happy, My Master

A teensy bit shocked but not bad right now, My Master

I really enjoyed that interaction with you, My Master

Hearing your voice and being able to look in your eyes was incredibly powerful

There aren’t enough words for me to say Thank You, My Lord

“It was my Pleasure

Trust me.

Muahahahaha

My piss puppy”

😀 😀 😀

“Lapping at your bowl until it was dry and clean”

I enjoy being your good girl and My Wolf’s little piss pup”

Yay

New Fetish….Awoken?

Or

Jury still out”

(Photo sent to Master of Slave plug back in clean, stretched out FC3)

Oh it’s definitely a new kink, My Master

“Your slave plug is begging for a tail”

And you approached it perfectly, My Master

Allowing myself to be degraded to give My Master amusement and show my obedience is completely in line with what I enjoy so much, My Master

“Yum”

And I really like you watching and me not being able to talk was surprisingly a positive, My Master

(Slave sends pic of herself, half smiling, bundled in a terrycloth bathrobe with wet hair)

“Perhaps….we will use hand signals

Since you are such a smarty…giving you limited options to respond will slow your mind

Cutie”

Yes, gags will be good, My Master

I like drooling, My Master

I can’t believe I rinsed my mouth out with my own pee, My Master

“I did command it

But you did do it.

You just didn’t hold it for very long”

I chose to follow My Master’s command

You know what the best thing is, My Master?

I’ve always been very sexual and when I learned about kink I was always excited and drawn to it

But also scared

“What is the best thing”

You are

You are the best thing, My Master

You don’t just accept those dark, “wrong” parts of me

You actually WANT them, My Master

You have no idea how freeing that is, My Lord

In my bondage to you I have become free to explore my full self

That is why I have so much gratitude in my heart for you, My Lord

“You are welcome”

Cam Girl Piss Pup

This week, after a grueling session at the gym during which we had been texting off and on, you suggested that I hold off on showering until later and drink a lot of water about 15 minutes before hand because you wanted to video call me. I was thrilled and excited to be approached by you for play and that you scheduled play, which is something I very much appreciate. Given the instructions, I knew it would be something to do with watersports, a new kink for me we have been actively exploring over the past few weeks. I was particularly pleased that you wanted to video call, because I look forward to being under your direct instruction, I like for you to see you Property when we play and it helps me feel much more connected to you than texting during play.

The house was empty, I stripped naked and took all the clutter out of the shower. There was no way to “dress up” for you, as I would be nude throughout but I put on some red lipstick. I pulled out my Slave plug from your tight FC3 and grabbed a suction cup dildo, as instructed. I felt aroused, excited, flattered that you were making time for me and ready to explore my limits. I saw the video call come through and I jumped into my empty tub, immediately kneeling and looking up into your dark eyes, immediately smiling with happiness at seeing My Master. It was dark where you were, outside somewhere for privacy but your face and eyes would come in and out of visibility as we played. My Lord appearing and disappearing from the darkness of the night. Right away you asked me if I was ready to have some limits pushed. I smiled nervously and shrugged, giving you a small nod. I know now that you are not exaggerating when you say such things. I have never said “no” to that question though, have I, My Master?

You started by explaining how you wanted me to communicate, as I would not be speaking. You had previously informed on how I could safeword (by sending you an “ok” hand signal), which I was thankful you had considered. You then immediately had me warm up your holes by having me suck the dildo for ten strokes, then stuff the it in FC3 which I easily did and followed your instructions to give it deep strokes to counts of ten. You seemed pleased at how well trained your holes have become as I took the dildo easily all the way to the base in FC1 and without any need for warm up in FC3. You also commented on approving of the upgrades of your tits, which made me feel good. You asked me to assume the position I had before, when you asked me to piss on myself lying on my back so it ran over my breasts and face. We laughed as I tried to do the same in this shower with much awkwardness. I appreciate that we are both open to humor even in play, My Master, it would be hard for me to have a Master that couldn’t see the funny side of kink at times.

Unfortunately for some reason I was not able to release my pee in that position this time, despite my aching and full bladder. You asked if I felt “stage fright” but it wasn’t that. I feel very comfortable doing anything in front of you now, My Master. I feel like this is your Property, inside and out. There is nothing to hide from you. I think it was just the position, maybe. You suggested plan B, which was to find a container. I did so and you had me piss into it while kneeling. You had me keep FC3 stuffed full with the dildo as much as possible, although at some point I pushed it out while cumming and it was forgotten. You continued to order me to cum, casually dropping the command and watching with eager, hungry eyes as your Slave Property responded immediately. I don’t watch myself cum often, My Master, but it was sexy to see my own mouth drop open and my eyes dilate, my tits push forward and legs automatically spread open as my body responded to your words alone.

You had me lift up the container of hot piss and started by having me pour it over my tits and stomach. I did so, feeling it run over my naked body with a mix of excitement and disgust. You made me cum, then piss again and hold it over my head. I continued to follow your instructions, feeling nervous, pleased and extremely aroused. I hesistantly poured the piss on my head, streaming through my blond hair and dripping onto my shoulders. It wasn’t enough for you and you had me do it again, over my face this time, which elicited a gasp of shock from me as I realized what I had just done. You heard it and took a minute to remind me verbally what I was doing, how I was being an obedient, pathetic piss covered Slave. You made me cum again, dripping with piss and kneeling it and told me to rub your clit. When I did so, FC2 was absolutely soaking wet and slippery. I came hard at your instruction, writhing in my own waste while you watched me in delight, my mouth open, wet hair now clinging to my face and neck, desperate eyes seeking you, panting in esctasy. You had me look deep in your eyes and pound FC3 again and I slipped down into the dark space, the deep ocean where I feel and think about nothing but what it happening NOW, while only emptiness and wildness are left; my raw self. You saw it, holding me with your eyes as I ravaged your Property and recognition and satisfaction flickered across your handsome face as you purred out, “Oh, we are going to have fun together, My Slave”.

You let me come up a bit and asked me again if I was ready to push limits. At this point I was completely in the palm of your hand, but still this new kink and being on camera was intense. I felt safe and connected with you, so I agreed, filling the container once again and holding it on my lap, kneeling patiently and obediently while I looked at you for guidance. You warned me that “this will be a big one” and I nodded silently. I knew what you were going to ask for next, a natural progression but still…it is a big one. You suggested I drink it, watching me carefully and seeing my hesitation, you softened your command, telling me to pour my piss in your FC1 and let it run out over my tits. I paused and thoughts of disbelief and confusion ran through my head. This was far from subspace, but still part of my development. Deciding to obey. You did not bark orders or try to persuade. You just watched me and gave me time, knowing that your Slave wants to please and obey you always. I held the container up, biting my lip then thought, fuck it, let’s go and opened my mouth and poured it in, immediately letting it fall out again, the salty, watery taste barely registering but the shocking obscenity of the act hitting me like a train. Then you had me lick the container clean. I believe I moaned out loud at that point and you knew to stop. You rewarded me with praise and had me fuck FC3 for your view a few more times as you know I love that, then released me. You gave me 15 minutes to shower and told me I had unlimited orgasms in that 15 minutes, then to message you.

In the shower I washed the piss off my body, shampooed and conditioned my hair and thought about you and everything I had just done for you, My Master. It all felt natural and right and nothing was forced. I felt a little bit shocked and surprised that I had gone that far, but also part of me knows that I want to go that far and even farther to be perfectly honest, My Master. It’s not that I think it is wrong, its just so different and I can’t help but consider what other people would think and how I would be judged. These thoughts swirled around in my head for a few minutes and then I remember that I had unlimited orgasms, so I washed my dildo and pleasured FC2 and your clit, thinking about everything we had just done and imagining the future, with you pissing on me, in me and having me piss on and be pissed on by others. Needless to say several orgasms were the result and I emerged with clean skin, hair, holes and a lovely glow from such hard use of all your fuck cunts as well as your Slave’s depraved mind.

I chose the text exchange we had immediately following this intense and wonderful play because it shows well how deeply appreciated your acceptance and leadership has been to me as we explore this new kink for me together. As you know, one of the things that drew me to you and keeps me eagerly in your service is your deep kinkiness, adventurous spirit and natural dominance. Your killer good looks are a bonus feature as well, My Wolf. Not a day goes by that I am not thankful to be your Slave, but this was a very special day. Thank you for helping me become your fuck cunt dripping, ass stuffed, drooling, crawling, piss soaked Pathetic Slut Slave, My Master.

Weekly Update 9/6/20-9/13/20

Posted on by Avertas

I think it is becoming too strong, My Master

You need space and freedom

“No such thing, My Pet.”

I need to not make myself vulnerable to too much emotional suffering in response to your normal and healthy needs

I am being unrealistic, which is unlike me, My Master

And I apologize for that

“I have too much space…..Freedom is also not a reality for the next few months”

I am not asking to leave your service, My Master

It is not time for that

Your happiness is my goal, My Master

***Master attempts to call***

I can’t talk to you right now, My Master

Please just consider it, My Lord

…..

Do you feel that you understand why I am asking for this, My Master?

“Yes.

Personal and emotional self-protetion.

As I have become something that you never intended but hoped for”

Yes, My Master

“What are you”

I am your Property, My Master

“Good girl

And…

….”

I don’t know what you want me to say, My Master

I am just stuck and I see no way out

Hard Truths

This has been a difficult week for your Slave, My Master. I have been supporting various friends emotionally through crisis, working my busy, full time job, followed up with my surgeon who cleared me for more intense exercise, which I have begun and of course, my responsibilities for my household and my family. These are the normal responsibilities I carry along with my service to you. I am an energetic and strong person and can usually meet the needs of everyone consistently if not gracefully, but this week there were added emotional struggles that overwhelmed me at times. At least two days this week I struggled with significant depressed mood, frequent tearfulness, irritability, and urges to flee from and avoid you, my Tasks and my other duties to work, husband and family. I fantasized about living alone, doing as I pleased, having a freedom I will never have in this life to seek amusement, pleasure, connection, knowledge in my own way and with whomever I chose. Of course, I would never act on such dreams. I am so loved and needed by everyone. I have made myself such beautiful golden chains, My Master.

In response to my mood, I reached out to my friend/former lover, who has been chatting with me quite a bit recently, asking to meet me again, which you did give permission for us to see each other platonically. He agreed to that, however did text me yesterday morning that he was horny and thinking of me drinking his cum, so I’m less confident that he will adhere to the “platonic” aspect of resuming contact. In any case, I told I was feeling depressed and he launched into a long and supportive text conversation reminding me that I have the perfect life. That I’m well off and beautiful with a loving family and a rewarding job. That he has met very few people like me etc etc, blah blah blah. Of course you know that this did absolutely nothing other than add feeling guilty to being depressed, My Master. Guilty that I dare to be less than content and fulfilled with such an abundance around me. But even it is greedy and selfish of me, the truth is that I am not fulfilled. I often do not feel cherished and loved. I am suspicious that others use me for their own purposes. I don’t think that anyone really understands me or cares about me. I don’t trust others and don’t want to share with them my emotional suffering.

Some of what has made me more insecure this week is that you began discussing taking on a 24/7 submissive upon return to home. Intellectually and rationally I am fully in support of you having a girl friend and primary sub. You are single and it is natural and normal for you to want to have a companion and lover to be with every day. It cannot be me because I have other roles to play at this time in my life. So I am left in limbo, knowing that I long to serve you, to explore with you, to deepen our connection even further, but also knowing that I am unlikely to have that opportunity as obviously, anyone who is lucky enough to be in that role will demand the position of first for your attention, affection, time and connection, as they should. And that is said without a hint of anger or resentment, My Master. I truly want you to be happy. You are an amazing Dom and man and should have a primary submissive who can be what you need and deserve. You should be free to explore that dynamic and grow without me in the way complicating things for you.

My feelings are intense and conflicted at this point, My Master. I don’t want to leave you, I want every second I can have at your feet. But I am not a robot or made of stone. Quite the contrary, I am an emotional person, empathic and responsive. I have thought of perhaps taking another play partner as a way to distract myself and perhaps lessen my dependence on you. I thought of pulling back in my frequency of communication to you, sort of cooling off and giving you more space, but I doubt I could follow through with it. The second you asked for me, I will be at your command. The second you say, kneel, I drop to my knees. The second you say, cum, I feel waves of pleasure spreading from your clit. I am your Property, My Master.

I am troubled and anxious and uncertain of the future. I do not like feeling like this and these are not emotions I have much experience with. My natural instinct is always toward action, but there is no action for me here other than to wait and see and hope and try to believe you when you say that you have chosen me and we will find a way. You know I am preparing myself to lose you. I have been preparing myself for that from the beginning, I suppose. The more I care for you, the more I let you in, the more I submit to you and rest under your authority and control, the greater the pain that awaits me. I am chiseling away at the boulder that will crush me someday. It doesn’t matter though, My Master. Probably in the long run it will be good for me to be crushed and hardened. I am such a stupid Mutt to ruin things with useless feelings, My Wolf. I will strive to get myself under control, stay in the moment, learn from you and enjoy the time you are able to give me, My Master. That is one of the hard lessons I need to learn. I am not going to be able to have everything I want and that is okay. It is also okay for me to privately mourn for that which is not possible but for which I will always long.

Weekly Update 8/8/20-8/15/20

Posted on by Avertas

“Where do you think you would be when with me?”

I think it would depend on many things, My Master

Most importantly where YOU want me to be

“Such as….”

The situation and location, your mood, your wishes and goals for me at the time

“All true

Under…

Kneeling next to….

Under massaging and licking my feet…”

But in my heart I am always at your feet, My Lord

“As is proper.”

“Or melted and adrift if I am unforgiving”

Everything you do effects me, My Master

In one way or another

I am a sensitive person

“And…How much does that scare the crap out of you?

People who feel deeply experience great joy

And also deep hurt

My feelings make me vulnerable and I don’t like that, My Master

So the answer to your question is…a lot, My Master

Healing and Plugged

This week has been quiet, necessitated by my continued semi-invalid state as I recover from surgery. However, as I have slowly healed and my energy has improved I have missed more and more my usual tasks and rituals. You have responded by gradually but gently increasing the simple tasks you have been giving me this week, typically edging or Identify a certain number of times with you telling me in the morning if orgasms are allowed and when. As my orgasms all belong to you, I am used to asking for them, and you have given me a no orgasm day or two this week as well. The last few days I have been wanting more orgasms as I near ovulation and my drive is rising despite the stress of surgery. I was unsure if I had access to my usual “freebies” of two orgasms (unless it is a scheduled no orgasm day of M/W/F). When I asked you today, you told me I did not get any freebies until I returned to work. Its so funny now, that I don’t even think that it is strange to ask you if and when I can orgasm. It has become my “new normal” as you like to say, just like being plugged.

I unplugged right before the surgery. It was strange being unplugged for so long. As I healed I began hoping that you would tell me to plug FC3 again but you were silent on the subject until I finally had to ask when you thought I might be able to be plugged again. You told me noon on Wednesday which ended up being lovely as you were edging me with alternating orgasms on the hour throughout the day. I was home alone at the time and was able to kneel in my quiet, darkened room looking in the mirror. I removed the Njoy from its box, where it had been waiting since the surgery. It is so cold and heavy, such a lovely object. Without hesitation I placed it in my mouth and a shiver of pleasure washed over me. I felt my body sink heavily into Nadu as I sucked gently at your plug, such dirty and regressive act that I find unbelievable soothing and erotic. The smooth surface of the plug and the weight in my mouth felt so familiar and so right, warming quickly in the hot, wetness of FC1.

Finally I pulled it out and holding it at eye level I recited my “Grounding” mantra twice, reminding myself of the importance of always being aware of your feelings, My Master and never acting in a way that harms you or endangers your Ownership of me. Then I dipped the plug in your slippery FC2 for a moment to wet it again and pushed it firmly into your tight FC3. As I had been unplugged for so long, it didn’t pop in as smoothly as it usually does, and I was amused that I had to make a bit of effort to encourage FC3 to spread open and accept your plug. Once it was in place, a deep sense of calm washed over me and I smiled at my reflection in peace and joy. I was plugged again and all was right with the world. I had never felt that I wasn’t Owned this week despite being unplugged so long, but it is a wonderful thing to have the physical sensation as a reminder of my connection to you.

Immediately following the Ritual I remembered I had your permission to have an orgasm. It was perfect timing as I was home alone and already aroused and subby, I pulled out my biggest dildo and the satisfier and went back to the mirror where I put the dildo on the ground and knelt over it while I lowered myself down, filling your FC2 completely. I moaned in pleasure feeling both your holes stuffed at once. I clicked on the satisfier and put it on your clit, the incredible sensations immediately making FC2 even wetter as I began riding up and down the dildo, imagining serving you with another Toy, being allowed by you to kiss her, stroke her hair and breasts, lick and suck her nipples while you watched us play until both of us were dripping with need. I imagined you walking towards us, both kneeling before you and taking your cock out which we would eagerly suck. Imagining our tongues intertwined around your hard cock, I frantically fucked your FC2, bouncing up and down the full length until I came so hard I yelled out loud with pleasure.

You don’t know how badly I want you to be real, My Master. Not perfect, not even the image that I know I have made of you, which is not who you are, I understand that. But I am on my knees to whatever karmic force will listen, begging that the two of us as Master and Slave in real life can be a tenth of what we have imagined together. It has been interesting this week, as you begin discussing buying a property and we talk about birth control requirements and other practical aspects of your return. It is beginning to feel more real, although it is a reality I have trouble trusting. A part of me is still waiting for you to ditch me at the last second which would be devastating. Everything feels so nebulous right now, but I will try to have faith that someday I will feel your heavy hand on my actual flesh and will kneel not to an image, my reflection, a voice on the phone but a real man, My Master, My Lord, My Wolf.

Capture

Posted on by Avertas 
Doubt fills me like a well
I watch my own eyes darkening in the mirror
My heart twisting between the hooks of
yearning and fear

I slip around the corner of your eye, 
the flutter of my pulse, 
the flutter of my hem,
Little panicked lamb
You knew what was in your reach
I let you feel it for one moment
And then I deftly shifted, 
sleight of hand, trick of light, I disappear
Frightened to be caught 
Frightened to be held in your grasp
Yet all I long for
Is my capture

Weekly Update 6/15/20-6/21/20

Posted on by Avertas

Well, you can’t fuck it, slap it, piss on it, cum in it, tie it up just yet, My Master

But at least you can see it

Make it cum

Make it kneel

Make it cry

Make it think of you all day long

Like a Pathetic Slut Slave should, My Lord

“Like an OWNED Pathetic Slut Slave you meant, right my Whore?”

Yes, Owned by my beloved Master

Freely given and fully claimed

Distant

For the first time I feel I don’t have too much to say in this weekly blog. It has been a relatively quiet week. You have continued to assign me my tasks in the mornings rather than have me complete them on my own because you have not filled my tasks in on the app. Many days you just have me do my regular assignments of my plugging and unplugging rituals and edging. I did not complete all the big tasks this week but you seem unconcerned. Probably you didn’t notice. You have been distracted this week which I mentioned to you and you said it was busy at work. I have no idea if you are telling the truth. It has crossed my mind that perhaps you are preoccupied with a new sub, but there is no way for me to know.

I spend a fair amount of time talking with other Doms myself, several of whom have befriended me and enjoy hearing about my adventures with you and in other parts of my life. Sometimes this week it felt like other men were interested in me both sexually and as a friend than you are, to be honest. I don’t know. I’m very sensitive to changes in your attention. And it’s your attention that I want. It’s your voice I want to hear. It’s your commands I want to follow. It’s your cock I want to suck. It’s you I want to worship and obey. I have chosen you for my Dom. I have given myself to you.

But I do want things in return. I want to feel connected and desired. I want to be remembered and the things I need attended to. I want you to open up to me. I want to understand you so I can serve you better. I want you to make time for me. I want you to enjoy the time that you make for me. I feel like I’m always chasing you and you like it that way. I run and I run, always trying to appeal, always trying to please. Sometimes I do, I suppose. But just as often I end up feeling like a fool, alone and crying on the floor. Do you know that I have moments when I do my rituals and I look at myself and think what a fucking idiot I am for engaging in this. And other times I am so enthralled by you, so consumed by you that I am horrified by the idea of losing you and everything you bring to my life.

Round and round I go in my feelings about you and it can be exhausting. I can’t give you up, even though there are other Doms I could serve. But I admit to feeling jealous of the subs who have Doms who want to talk to them, video chat them, ask them for things, want to play with them, praise them, enjoy them. You give me tasks but if the connection is not there, then tasks are just worksheets. Just checklists and not meaningful acts of service and worship.

I will believe that you have been busy with work and with your friends. I will believe that you are not ignoring me or sending your energies elsewhere. I am hoping that you will have more time and we will be able to connect in the coming week. I am sure that I will feel secure and reassured that you are enjoying our relationship if we are able to talk or even play together again. I hope it is easy to make me a priority because having me as your Slave brings you pride and pleasure. If there is anything more that I can do to serve you or please you, you must only say the word, My Master. I am on my knees waiting for you always, in my mind and in my heart, with your fuck cunts open and eager for your use, My Lord

Weekly Update 5/18/20-5/24/20

Posted on by Avertas

“O.

I do take your thoughts into consideration, Pet

But I make the final decision, my Slave”

Thank you, My Master

That is how I humbly prefer it

“Of course

You are a worthless pathetic slave

You need to be on your belly

You need to crawl

You need to relax”

Thank you for understanding what I need so well, My Master

It is a challenge and a pleasure to serve you, My Lord

“Of course

Feel my hand slap your face when you challenge me

Feel it push you down on your belly, then the sting of the belt across your pathetic ass”

I always feel you in my mind and on my body, My Master

Your Property lies on the ground chastened and sore, My Master

“Cum

Pathetic worthless fuck toy”

Expanding Control

As we are slowly coming out of quarantine I have resumed my search for an appropriate play partner. Before our relationship I had been looking for a Dom, a need I no longer have. My emotional needs are well taken care of by my loving and attentive husband. So really all I am looking for is a fun, sexual relationship with a reasonable guy. In the past I have found partners off of normal dating sites (Tinder/OKC) but my Fet account has been more active recently and I have had several local Dom/Bulls approach me with compliments and offers to play. The benefits to me of finding a partner in this manner is that they will presumably be more familiar with BDSM and understanding of our unique relationship, something other vanilla men might find off putting.

I messaged two of these men, both in their early 30s and labeling themselves as Bulls and both responded with interest. When I made you aware of these potential play partners you immediately told me you would need to be in contact with them before I was allowed to have any physical contact. Although this was difficult for me, I decided to embrace an opportunity to practice submitting to you, not just sexually but in terms of allowing you to control more of my sex life outside of just between you and I. This has been both an erotic and frustrating experience for me. As I enjoy sexual objectification, the idea of you negotiating the terms in which another strange man might use your holes is arousing. However, being that you are both dominant males, coming from different generations, it has also been rather amusing and annoying to watch you both butt heads and swing cocks while quietly calming each of you down from the sidelines. Finally, after several messages, screen shots and a phone call between us, I had permission to meet the Bull. He was young, calm, open minded, respectful and expressed interest in seeing me again later this week. I am pleased as he is physically attractive to me and I think he would benefit from a relationship with an older woman as well.

This week we also established and negotiated new limits on my participation in more casual online sexual relationships. As you know I like a lot of attention, praise and sex so one way I get those needs filled is through occasional very casual sexting and lewd pic exchanges on the internet. Some of these relationships are slowly deepening into true friendships as well. However, I have been feeling increasingly uneasy as some of the men I talk with are dominants and a few are clearly attempting to recruit me as their sub despite my always being clear that I am a claimed Slave. I do not disclose your identity to anyone, although I have been asked (a practice which has led other Doms to criticize you as a fuckboy, BTW). I do not send full nudes, although there is one vanilla man that I have considered doing so, again something I felt I needed your guidance on. I don’t feel that I should send pictures of your holes to other men without your knowledge and approval.

You seemed slightly amused when I brought all this to your attention but once I explained why I was feeling uncomfortable you agreed with the need for limits and we agreed on four casual sexting partners and that I could only send pictures/videos with underwear/bikini level of exposure. You also pointed out that I was giving you more power over my sexual activity outside our relationship, but as you can see from my thought process, you already had that power. This just helps me feel reassured that nothing I am doing would displease you, My Master. It has been well accepted by the men I chat with that My Master has placed these limits on me. If anything, they admire your hold on me.

Doubt

One of the Doms I had been talking to online was increasingly relentless in his pursuit this week and although I am not interested in him as my Dom and I have stopped talking to him, he did successfully identify an area of insecurity in my feelings about you which I have been discussing with two trusted friends. I am insecure about how much you actually enjoy having me as a sub and if you find my body attractive.

Where does this come from? Well, first I personally have a ton of baggage about my desirability as a woman, which you are aware of and I need a lot of reassurance about this. This is part of what feeds my praise kink. So I fully acknowledge that a lot of this is my own shit. However, that being admitted there are patterns in your behaviors and our relationship which have increased my anxiety about this…

You don’t ask for images of me and if I send them you rarely comment or praise them. For example, I sent two very explicit video clips late one night, which I imaged you enjoying if you woke during the night, as I know you sometimes do. In the morning you never mentioned them or expressed any enjoyment in receiving them until I asked, which was a disappointment as I had hoped you would like them. I have no idea if this is an intentional “Dom” behavior to show that my body has no influence over you and to diminish my sense of power to manipulate you with it.

I observe the images you are drawn to online and I feel like I am not really your “type” which tends to a young girl with a thin build. I do think my body, while it has many flaws, is attractive and sensual but I worry that it doesn’t appeal to your aesthetic preferences. While I fully understand that we can be attracted to and enjoy relationships with people who are not our ideals this is something that causes me anxiety, heightened by the fact that you (intentionally or not) rarely compliment my physical body.

When we first started our relationship, you teased me about being in a frenzy as a newbie to the lifestyle but sometimes I feel that you are even more frenzied than me. You are searching for new relationships, contacts, opportunities for sexual experiences. You mock my sexual appetite but you have your own deep hunger that my own service will never sate. You are ravenous, My Wolf and I have at tendency to interpret that as meaning you don’t find me satisfying. I need to accept that it has nothing to do with me. I will be working on shifting my perspective on your hunting for more submissives from anxiety and feelings of rejection to appreciation for your openness, curiosity, energy and feeling grateful that you are willing to include me at times in your adventures with others. Because this is a currently a challenge for me, I am sensitive to small slips in attention such as forgetting a playdate you had made with me, delays in completing things I need (new tasks, communicating with the Bull). I want to feel that you think I am important while at the same time I understand that you have your own busy life and you will have other priorities.

I was hesitant to talk to you about this because I don’t like to criticize you in these small things since I find our relationship very pleasurable, exciting and valuable to me. You give me a lot of your time and attention already and I never want you to feel that I take that for granted or fail to appreciate it. I truly think you are an wonderful Dom, full of surprises, creativity, boldly but respectfully pushing my limits and constantly exposing me to new things. Also you bring me a level of sexual fulfillment I never expected in a long distance relationship.

I don’t want you to feel that I expect you to be at my beck and call or heaping praise and compliments on me all the time. You must lead and follow your tastes and instincts in this relationship. Artificial, manufactured praise is obvious to me and does not make me feel good. I did want you to have more insight into how your behavior effects me and some of the things going through my mind so you can help your Slave feel more treasured and secure in your ownership. I feel so very lucky to have been claimed by you and to be your Slave. I don’t think any of this will come as a surprise as you are quite attuned to me and I have noticed just recently that you did give me a compliment as well as incorporating more praise and use of terms such as “treasured” and “pretty” in our playtimes. I’m sure you understand that these anxieties are temporarily increased in conjunction with my deepening submission, dependence and devotion to you, My Master.