Tag: Sex

First Overnight with My Master 12/5/20

Posted on by Avertas

“Details, Girl!”

Lol, it’s a lot 🙂

“Mmmmhmmm”

I was inspected, cuffed, collared, blindfolded, hogtied, flogged, paddled, bitten and marked repeatedly, pissed on and in, spit in my mouth, slapped, spanked, finger fucked, made to squirt, crawl, gag, beg, eat ass, suck toes and balls, worship him, every hole was used, command orgasms anyplace he wanted…

“WOW”

Also, washed by his hands, kissed, caressed, told I was beautiful and treasured, pampered, dressed in clothing of his choice, cuddled, eaten out and made to laugh and have fun

Pretty fucking amazing

And some pretty amazing fucking

A Dreamed of Spa Get Away Overnight with My Master: Part One

We had often joked about needing a weekend at a spa throughout the stressful and long months that we had been apart through quarantine, misunderstandings, volleyball and weightlifting injuries and so many other stressors. Despite my joy at your return, I had been feeling frustrated with the fact that we had not yet had sex nor had you been able to orgasm with your Slave despite being home for over a week. I had just assumed that since you had been without a sexual partner for almost a year you would be eager to fuck me and that our first few meetings would involve orgasms for both of us. The fact that this wasn’t happening was unsettling to me for multiple reasons. I wasn’t sure if you were having a sexual issue you had not disclosed and I was upset about that as I am already struggling with those problems in my primary relationship and expected this one to be free of such issues. I was also worried, of course, that you didn’t find me attractive enough or my sexual skills were lacking, although that has not been a complaint of previous partners. Still it was a worry now. You were also already beginning to look for new sexual partners which was hurtful as you didn’t seem too interested in moving forward with trying to have sex with me. It also seemed unfair that we were not having sex as you had told me that I was to end my sexual relationship with my play partner now that you had returned. Finally, I told you that you needed to fuck me to reassure me that you were interested in me as more than just emotional support and confirm that this relationship was going meet my needs. Sex is the backbone of BDSM for me, it is the best way for me to get into subspace and the energy from which everything else is fueled. If our sexual life didn’t work out, I knew I would not be happy in the dynamic. I am not interested in just being tied down and hurt. I want to fuck and experience sexual pleasure.

You expressed understanding of my concerns. You know your Slave very well and none of this is new information to you. We set up a plan to meet Saturday and drive together (through a nasty snow storm) to a local hotel and spa for massages, pedicures and our first overnight stay alone together in privacy. On the drive you were playful and silly, sexual and provocative, making me laugh and immediately beginning the command orgasms you relentlessly ordered throughout our time together, in public, in private, in restaurants, in the gym, in the shower. Sometimes staring into my eyes and harshly barking threats if I looked away, sometimes holding my hands, sometimes pressing my legs open while I moaned and writhed and dripped at your word.

We had a good talk on the way down about expectations for this relationship, how this was my first time having a Dom and about incorporating a new female submissive you had met online. As you know, it feels early to me to add a third person to our dynamic. I had asked you in the past to give me some time to adjust to you being here upon your return before we did so. I have been trying to accept that this was not going to be the case and trying not to feel hurt that you were in such a rush to add another woman. I am open to it and certainly see all the opportunities it presents but my feelings were and remain somewhat mixed. I am both excited and apprehensive. It was very helpful to be able to discuss such things frankly with you and for you to explain some of your actions that had seemed overly eager about this new sub and that had upset me. You did a good job making me feel safe, valued and providing reassurance. Overall throughout the weekend I felt like we had strong communication, increasing my trust in you and my comfort with your plans for adding more partners to our play.

Now for the fun part…I can’t possibly describe the weekend in chronological order as you have established essentially a 24/7 Master Slave dynamic for us (Thank you, My Master). I was spoiled rotten being your devoted, tortured, pampered, well fucked, three hole Playground the entire time we were together, with no break in dynamic necessary as we get along as well outside of play as we do during it. You are so handsome, sexy, intelligent, honest, charming, funny, devious, evil and naughty. You smothered me in attention, degradation, praise, PDA, kisses, forced orgasms and I know I was the happiest woman in the hotel, being on your arm and on my knees for you, My Lord. We also continued to have enjoyable and stimulating conversation about kink, the modern world, covid, food, wine, exercise, engineering and coffee. We ate our meals together, worked out together and bitched about inconsistent customer service together. And we also played and we fucked.

I will try to hit some of the highlights but, of course, I have a terrible memory for details of sex, and the better it is the more I am immersed in the experience and not “recording” it mentally. I apologize in advance as I know all these things happened but I am sure I will make errors in the order of events.

The first very exciting thing for me was my inspection. You sat comfortably on the couch and told me to strip naked. I took off the low cut, soft ribbed short grey dress, half cup hot pink bra and thong and knee high boots I had been wearing. You had me keep my black thigh high stockings on. You taught me to stand in the correct position in front of you with my legs spread slightly open, back strait, my hands clasped behind my neck, thrusting the breasts forward. You admired the view calmly, then told me to cum. Of course, your Property immediately responded with a strong orgasm, causing me to loosen and drop my arms. You instantly slapped my face and reminded me to obey your orders and leave my body in the position you had told me. I mutely nodded and turned around at your next command, displaying my round full ass, silver Slave plug in FC3 and fresh bite marks on each cheek as you had marked your peach as soon as we walked in the door. You reached a finger into your FC2, and smiled to feel how wet and slippery it already was, moving it slightly over my aching clit causing me to moan and writhe in pleasure. Your brought me quickly and easily to orgasm with your skilled fingers, sucked off the juices and told me my pussy was “a fine vintage” which made me smile. You dipped your finger in again and held it between our lips and we both kissed and licked my pussy juices off it, telling me you wanted us both to taste. You unbuckled your pants, taking out your hard thick cock for me to suck eagerly while you told me to hump your foot until I was begging to cum, which you allowed while you watched me with amused eyes. Later you told me that it was quite painful to have me hump your foot with my plug in but I never would have guessed it, My Master. Thank you for indulging me in pleasure at the sake of your discomfort. I am not sure, but I think it was during this play that you also spit in my mouth and had me swallow it for the first time and tenderly kissed along my surgical scar in loving acceptance of my flaws.

Following this inspection, you brought me over to the bed and told me that it was my turn. That I was allowed to have to freedom to explore and use your body as I wished. This was an unexpected treat and I smiled brightly with pleasure and kissed your mouth passionately. You were still dressed and I first removed your shirt, exposing a muscled, tan and hairy chest that I promptly buried my face against, kissing all over, licking and sucking your nipples, nibbling a bit, not sure if I could risk a little bite. The smell of your body, the feel of your skin. the REALITY of finally being with you filled my heart with such joy, I felt my eyes welling with tears. I had waited so very long for this very moment, to serve and worship you, My Lord. I began to softly cry in your arms. You were surprised at your tender hearted Slave and laughed lightly, asked if I was crying tears of happiness and when I nodded and buried my head back in your chest, you gently kissed my tears off my cheeks, tasting them with satisfaction. I gathered myself and smiled up at you again, then finished undressing you. I worked my way down, sucking your cock, lapping at your heavy balls and taking each one gently in my mouth to massage with my tongue. I massaged your buttocks firmly with my hands, spreading them open and licking your asshole and crack with my warm, firm, wet tongue. You seemed surprised but not displeased by my attentions. I kept working my way down your beautiful body. Once I got to your feet I was again filled with intense emotions. So many nights I had said good night to you over text, telling you I was kissing your feet when I sent a kiss emoji. I knelt in front of you, nude and plugged and put my forehead to the ground in worship, then wrapped my hands around your foot and kissed it with reverence, repeating it on the other side.

You sat on the bed to allow me more access to your feet and I began to suck your toes, licking between them and down the bottom of your foot. To my surprise this had a profound effect on you as you immediately released a deep groan of pleasure. I continued to suck and lick your feet, then kissed my way up your inner thighs to your crotch. You were lying on your stomach and spread your legs slightly in invitation and I gladly buried my face in your ass from behind, lapping your ass while you gently moaned and sighed. I reached around a hand and stroked your hard cock. This brought you up to your hands and knees so I could fully pleasure your ass with my mouth and stroke you at the same time. You enjoyed this for some time, then again used FC1 but did not cum. You had brought me to orgasm several times already through clit stim and command orgasms and we stoppped our play to clean up and enjoy a lovely dinner together.

After dinner and dessert we returned to our room where you had already laid out the impact tools. You did so early on in our stay and I wasn’t sure if it was a matter of convenience or to keep them in the front of my mind, but it certainly did distract me, seeing the many floggers, paddles, small whips and other sensory tools you had chosen with me and for me laid out on the coffee table the entire time. I was becoming increasingly scared about impact as you exposed me to more and more painful sensations through biting, slapping and pinching your Property. I am beginning (just beginning) to understand how painful things can become if your choose that experience for your Property. Some of your behavior in the recent past had been impulsive and I felt less trust and assurance in you than I expected. Yet you are my beloved Master and I knew I wanted to take this step with you. I had made a point of being clear with you that impact was something I both looked forward to and was anxious about. It turns out I had nothing to fear.

You handled my introduction to it masterfully. First I was told to strip completely naked except for my Slave plug and you fitted me with black leather cuffs on each wrist and ankle as I knelt before you. Then you put a light, pink play collar on my neck. It was the first time you had put any kind of collar on your Slave. You teased me about it being so cute and pink as you know I would prefer a very simple and thick black leather collar. Still it definitely gave me a thrill as you growled under your breath, “mine” while you fastened it around my neck. You ensured I was in a comfortable position so I would not be distracted by unneeded painful stimuli; I was kneeling on the padded back of a turned over chair and leaning forward onto a thick cushion. You did not restrain me but you did offer me a blindfold. I hesitated in taking it, but I felt that you wanted me to so I did. I am very visual but I understood your goal of using sensory deprivation to help me to focus on the physical sensations and let go of trying to observe you and being distracted by efforts to please you.

You were very gentle with your Property, My Master. You explained the thuddy vs stingy sensations you were causing and varied the intensity from pleasurable to neutral to just creeping into painful. You are clearly an expert at impact and able to give a wide variety of different impressions with the many tools at your disposal. I was flogged and paddled, lightly whipped and hit with the butt of the flogger, rubbed with fleece and smacked with a short rubber antennae. You covered my broad back and round ass as well as the backs of my legs, the soles of my feet and ran the throws of the various floggers over your FC2. As I was blindfolded I was extra aware of the sounds of the implements moving through the air, your voice and breathing, the feeling of them hitting my skin, your occasional touch and kiss. You had me kneel and I felt a soft and pleasurable brush moving over each hard nipple; you drew this out until I was moaning and pushing my breasts forward. You stopped and I moved my head about blindly trying to figure out what was happening, feeling vulnerable and slightly frightened, not knowing if you were going to hit me with something new, when you sternly ordered me to open my mouth and I felt your hard cock pushed between my hungry lips into FC1. I began sucking you enthusiastically and you moaned slightly, thrusting roughly into FC1 while you called me your slut, your whore, your pathetic Slave.

Shortly after you removed the blindfold and ordered me to get to the bed. I was uncertain if I should crawl or walk and I tentatively stood, causing you to growl in disapproval and grab the loop of the collar, abruptly pulling me to the ground in one swift movement. For the first time in my life, I crawled, naked, plugged and collared across the floor, heart beating fast with you close behind. You proceeded to attach the cuffs on all my limbs putting me into a hogtie, completely helpless and immobile. I later learned you took several pictures of me in this position while I was face down on the bed. You ordered me to move across the bed and laughed in amusement at my awkward attempts to follow your command. You began roughly using FC1 again for a long time, laying on your side and thrusting in and out, occasionally reaching down and spanking my ass, ordering me to cum, which I did while gagging and drooling on your hard cock. Finally you flipped me over and unclipped my legs, put on a condom and mounted me from behind and began pounding hard into FC2 while calling me your whore and slut, demanding I keep my ass up for you and alternating between gripping me firmly by my hair or hips. I had been moaning in a mix of pleasure and pain. Finally feeling My Master’s big cock filling FC2 completely, thrusting hard into me again and again, sliding in and out of my soaking wet FC2, slapping against my bruised ass. The pleasure overwhelmed me and I begged you to let me cum on your cock; you were so buried so deep in my wet FC2 it felt wonderful. You came in me then too, My Master, with an incredible animal sound of a snort and a roar like a bull. I collapsed under you and you pulled out, went to the bathroom briefly, then returned to find me still hogtied. You began playing with my pink, wet FC2 with your fingers and licked it while I watched you, quickly bringing me to orgasm yet again.

Finally you unclipped me and brought me into your arms to cuddle. After some gentle kissing and chatting, you suggested a shower and getting some sleep. You removed my collar and cuffs and I crawled to the shower after you. I asked for permission to bathe you, which you granted and I so enjoyed washing your buzz cut hair and lathering your body, massaging it while I kissed and licked and nibbled on you. The mood was initially playful and tender but as I kept sucking and playing with your cock, it grew hard again. You moved me in front of you and used your fingers to roughly stimulate my g spot while with your other hand you played with my clit. The sensation was unbelievable and I was writhing in your arms, calling out and moaning when you abruptly slid another finger into FC3. I wigged on your hand and began to have a huge orgasm so hard that I squired on you. You were called out in an amused tone, “Did you just squirt, you little whore?”. You released me and put me on my knees while you had me suck you again. Suddenly you took your cock out of FC1 and a strange expression crossed your face and you told me to sit still. A few seconds later I felt the warm stream of your piss flowing over my tits and stomach. I took your cock back in my mouth; I’m not sure if you ordered it or I did it myself and you pissed in my mouth as well. I held it for a few minutes and let it drool out again while I looked up at you in complete submission and humiliation. You brought me to my feet and whispered the foulest things to me while you rubbed your fingers ever so gently over my running eye make up to mess it up even more, telling me how much of a prettier piss drinking slut and worthless cunt I was for you now. You told me to get out of the shower and look at myself in the mirror. I was ruined and disgusting and shining like a candle with joy in that mirror, My Master. I got back in the shower and you bent your fuck toy over and abruptly entered and raw fucked FC3 while I moaned loudly and braced myself against the wall.

Shortly after you pulled out and looking at your Lamb, now used in every fuck cunt by her Wolf’s cock, truly your Owned and Treasured Property. You decided to wash me yourself and gently soaped me with your own hands, rinsing me clean and helping me out. Then I toweled you dry and then myself and crawled back to the bed, as tired and meek as a child. I bowed my head beneath your hands as you collared me again for the night, telling me to leave my plug out in case you wanted to use me again. Then after bouncing around the room a bit arranging things, you pulled me firmly into your arms and kissed me good night. You quickly dropped off and I lay there awake a few minutes, feeling the strange sensation of the collar around my neck and my opened and empty FC3 with no plug. Then I drifted off as well, your very happy and blissful Slave.

Update 11/22/20

Posted on by Avertas

“Thinking back, what 10 months

*Screenshot of our original conversation after Matching on an online dating site*

Did you think you would be here then?”

Never in a thousand years did I imagine a relationship as wonderful as this, My Master

I didn’t know anything

About myself

About what I was capable of

About serving a true Master

I’m so very lucky to have been chosen by you, My Lord

“True

And thank you for being open to such a relationship”

I think of all the boring, inexperienced Doms I could have ended up with

Yuck

“You would have Dominated him within a month

Or Less”

Yep 🙂 🙂 🙂

I feel safe with you, My Master

Your Dominance is natural to you and yet you have developed it and educated yourself

I think I present some challenges but that will just keep you interested, My Master

They are also opportunities

“Challenges are good

Plus your Huntress nature is just whip cream on an already yummy cake”

Homecoming

It has been a challenging month as we edge closer to the end of a challenging year…but as you say, challenges are good, My Master. I have not been writing the blog as I had an abrupt increase in my work responsibilities that required me to work longer hours and also be isolated from my family and friends. I also was working though a period of feeling distant from you, uncertain of your interest in me outside of as a trophy and a potential source of group sex, insecure about whether we were truly a good match and if either of us would be satisfied in our dynamic.

As I have observed many times over the past ten months, when there is tension in our relationship, the first thing to go for me are the command orgasms, followed by the desire to submit. Acts of submission are uncomfortable, unnatural and anxiety provoking when I don’t feel sure about being your Slave, like praying when your heart is full of doubt. I stopped praying when I was 12 because I hated that feeling of being fake. But I still went to church and sat politely in the pew, because that was expected of me and I knew my role. Similarly I have never stopped kneeling, following the rules and performing our Rituals everyday regardless if my heart is in them because I respect my role as your Slave which I have agreed to and in my opinion this is part of it. The discipline, consistency and dedication to keep getting on your knees for your Dom even when it isn’t easy, when you don’t feel connected, when you feel stupid and unhappy and lost.

Because we are adults and we have both worked hard on building communication in this relationship we were able to talk about what was going on. It is the same pattern we have seen multiple times now. You get stressed, bored, distracted, busy and withdraw your energy and attention. I notice immediately (like any good needy little sub), try to give you space, wait for you to come back, get panicky when you don’t, increase my acts of service hoping to gain your attention and praise. When that doesn’t work I feel rejected, hurt and angry, suspicious that you have found another sub who is more interesting, scared that I am going to get hurt even worse. So I then withdraw to protect myself, no longer feel safe, no longer able to submit with my whole heart because I am not sure of my place with you. This is all worsened a thousand fold by high stress in both our lives, lack of privacy limiting direct communication and a lot of uncertainty about what our relationship will even look like when we meet in real life. I freely admit that I am highly sensitive to feeling rejected right now as I am struggling with feeling undesired and rejected in my marriage.

We talked and we listened to each other. I asked you to please let me know when you need to step back because you are stressed and overwhelmed. That feels better for me and it is a normal thing to need a break. Being a Dom requires a lot of energy; it’s okay to not always have that. If I don’t know the reason for the changes in you, I will assume it is something wrong with me, that I am displeasing you in some way, that you are looking to replace me and that those feelings are damaging to the dynamic. Since that conversation things have improved immensely. You were reassuring that you don’t want to release me from your service. I explained why I was no longer orgasming on your command and my general lack of submissive feelings at that time. After few days of increased effort on both sides at attending to the relationship we had a good session where you re-established your dominance and control over me, calling me on video chat, putting me on my knees and then on my belly on the floor in obedience and worship of you, My Master. I had been waiting for you to do it as part of your duties as the Dominant and necessary to the healing of the breach in our dynamic. It was beautiful to feel that connection to you again, My Master. To kneel and obey My Master, safe in the knowledge that I am chosen to serve him. That he sees and values my dedication and the gift of my submission is not worthless.

Then both our worlds got crazy as you entered the last phases of preparing to return home and I was swept up in the stress of life. And suddenly it’s here, you’re on the doorstep, a few days away from being local. You have decided when and where we will meet, have told me in advance that you plan to use your FC1 at minimum and that all your FC should be available, with FC3 to be stuffed with the Hush. You have asked about my feelings and I am of course, nervous and preoccupied. I know you will like me, My Master, I am not worried about that. I know that the sex part will be fine and I’m fairly confident that I will feel submissive to you in real life. Although there is a tiny part that can’t help but think, what if I don’t feel it? What if I don’t have an urge to submit to this man in the flesh? Then what? I’m sure you are smiling now, My Master, at such a silly idea.

What I am more concerned about is everything outside the sexual aspect of our BDSM dynamic. The parts of you that you have not shared much but which you cannot hide if we are going to spend time together doing more that just kinky sex (and I am so much looking forward to the kinky sex!). We are sort of in a 24/7 thing, My Master, which is easy to maintain when we are just texting and exchanging sexy pics and nasty porn clips but how about when we spend four hours together having lunch and watching a movie? This is where I have no experience with how to act as your sub and also your friend and lover. I hope that you will be patient with me as we figure out that part, who we are to each other outside of the sex and kink and how we interact. It’s okay that we don’t have an answer to that and it will take some time because in that aspect of things we are just beginning, even though other parts of our relationship are so intense and well developed.

So meeting you is a strange and new thing for me, My Master. I have never been in a long distance relationship before and just that part, meeting someone I have been talking to for almost a year would be nerve wracking enough. But for it to be My Master, a man I have given so much power to, a man I have longed for, a man I have dreams and hopes about, a man that I respect and desire…well, of course, I am a mess. But also excited and hopeful. The only way out is through and I cannot wait for this week to go by. I long for the moment I can be with you, be claimed by you in the flesh and for everything to begin.

Weekly Update 6/29/20-7/5/20

Posted on by Avertas

Master, could I please cum

“Why, Pet?”

Your FC2 is so close, My Master

“Why?

Doesn’t she have any self control?”

You let me play with your cunt

“Of course”

Not it’s wet and aching

“I enjoy my slave on the edge”

Please let me cum, My Master

“This is where a Slave should live

Always ready to please”

Precious

It was raining and I had been walking the dog with the Lush vibrating in FC2 for 30 minutes after you had given me permission to turn it on. It was getting dark. I was desperate to cum. You ordered me to kneel in the grass and I did so in a neighbors yard where the lights were out in the house and I hoped they wouldn’t notice. When you told me to send you a picture I tried but the light was too low. I was in the process of moving to a spot under a street light when you grew impatient and called me. I didn’t have my headphones so I had to put you on speaker. I was alone and yet exposed. Kneeling in the wet grass, rain falling, mosquitos biting my flesh, My Masters loud voice degrading me where anyone who walked by could hear me being called a Slut and a Slave. A car parked about fifty feet away, casting bright light over me from their headlights and a squabbling couple got out and looked at me. But none of that mattered because you had taken over.

You just grabbed me, My Master. You snatched my mind up like a coin you wanted to flip. I can barely remember the words you said bc I fell so fast and deep into subspace. I remember your dark eyes and being told that I could not look away. I was made to cum there on my knees in public on my nice suburban street where my neighbors could see me. I remember you telling me that they would know what I was and that I was laid bare before you. The energy in your voice when you are in that space is ferocious, the force of it is irresistible. You kept me there, wet, humiliated, exposed, cumming in my panties until you were satisfied. And then you said something very special to me; you told me that I was precious to you, even though you may not always show it. I dropped my head and looked away as I thanked you. I felt like a 14 year old girl. I got off the call and slowly got up from the grass, looking around to see if anyone was watching me, reassuring my poor dog who had given up on her crazy owner at that point. I walked the rest of the way home slowly coming out of subspace, practically vibrating with happiness, a sly, satisfied smile flickering across my face as I thought of you. I composed myself before I went in the house, greeting my husband with a light tone and hiding the intensity of my feelings as I can do. But I felt so good, so safe, so connected, so proud. So happy.

This whole week you have been exploring using your Slave in the public space. Again and again you chose the Task “Public” which requires me to bring a suction cup dildo to a public bathroom and fuck one of your holes (of your choosing, of course) for a minimum of 60 seconds. Typically you allow an orgasm with this Task and photographs are required. This is a daring task and one that makes me nervous and excited. To my surprise I have no problem cumming and your FC2 is dripping wet by the time I am done. It is so naughty and fun, playful as you like to call me, to look like such a proper middle aged woman, dressed for her work in heels and hose and then secretly do something so obscene and unexpected. After I fucked FC3 in the bathroom of the pharmacy I had to do a little shopping and I could not stop the occasional giggle from escaping as I demurely wandered the aisles clenching your plug in carefully as it tried to slide out of your opened and lubed hole.

You also played with me in public in my car for the first time. I had called you after my therapy appointment and I mentioned that she was curious how you would react to the previous blog post. You began reading it while I was on the phone outloud and I cringed as you read my critical comments. Suddenly you stopped reading and told me to take off my bra and ordered me to start edging. I was in a very exposed situation, parked where people could not help but see me directly and you allowed me to move to a more discreet location. I teasingly chose the local church parking lot where you verbally degraded me while describing ways that you would like to use your Property and another Toy at the same time. The ways you would make us play with each other and service you. You had me shove more and more fingers in FC2 and pinch and rub your clit until I was begging to cum, which I did publicly and loudly at your command.

You have been amazing this week. Attentive, responsive, creative, fun and my Slave heart is enthralled by you, My Master. I feel so connected to you that I actually had a spontaneous orgasm while driving home after edging all day without an orgasm. I had been daydreaming, thinking about how you called me precious to you and how wonderful it felt to be used by you with such intensity and relish. I was scared when it happened because it was a no orgasm day and I did not have permission, but you were understanding when I explained what had happened and thought perhaps it was a sign of how highly I value your thoughts about me, which subconsciously triggered a command orgasm. I think that is likely true, My Master. Your opinion and feelings about me are extremely important to me. And, to be honest, they are quite opaque to me. I don’t know how you feel about me and that’s why it was very moving to learn that you do see me as something special in your life. Thank you for telling me that, My Wolf. I know you do see me laid bare, both physically and mentally. You know my weaknesses and try to help me correct them. You hold me to a high standard because you believe I can reach it. I am so honored by your attention, time and energy. I am honored to be your Slave, My Lord and it means the world to me that you are happy to be My Master.

Happy Birthday!

It has also been a celebratory week with your birthday and the holiday. I was so pleased that your present got to you on time and you seem to like it. I look forward to doing some naughty shopping with you at the sex store so you can chose some kinky toys to use on your Property. It was fun spending a few hours one night taking sexy pictures of your plugged Property in fishnets, heels, pigtails, tutus, thongs, cuffs, body suits, garter belts and a wide variety of sexy poses, then sending them to you throughout the day on your birthday. I hope they pleased and amused you, My Master. This is a special birthday and I know you are going to go through big changes this year. I am hopeful that my service is helpful to you and that you come through this challenging year stronger, wiser and excited about your future. You are a wonderful person and I am so glad you came into my life. Happy Birthday, My Lord and Master!

Weekly Update 6/8/20-6/14/20

Posted on by Avertas

Thank you for letting me have orgasms again, My Lord

I wish I could show you my gratitude with your property

“I know, you stupid cunt.

You are making an effort to improve.

Do not backslide.”

I am a weak willed, pathetic, whiny Slut

I want to be owned by you, My Master

I want to be your perfect Slave and give you my obedience and let you use this property as you desire

I am so glad you can see how I am trying hard to improve

“Nobody is perfect

One can only strive to improve towards perfection

Or at least not a weak willed, pathetic, whiny girl”

I feel scared now to be less than perfect for you tbh, My Master

“Cum”

Healing and Service through Tasks

This week started with me still feeling in a tenuous spot in terms of our connection and your claim on me. You again modified my Tasks and the list grew even longer, with multiple public and private tasks as well as my usual daily tasks of my plugging and unplugging rituals, symbols of owernership (plug and harness) and edging. Luckily I was off work for two days early in the week, which allowed me to focus my energy on completing several of these new Tasks. They are excellent Tasks, of course, as always. A great strength of yours as a Dominant is your creative, devious mind which boldly challenges my obedience, courage and the physical limits of your property through these Tasks. They are fun, naughty, exciting and make my life complicated and interesting. I am grateful for them as an experience in their own right but also as an important way that I show you my obedience, dedication and stamina, especially as I cannot serve you in person yet. I will admit that the volume and intensity of tasks currently is high which makes me anxious about completing all of them. I will continue to work to complete them all for you and I know we can discuss if I am having a hard time getting them done. I feel more confident this week that you will not see any difficulty completing them as laziness or disrespect but rather just struggling with balancing my Slave Tasks with the many other tasks I must do for others.

Because of you and your instructions this week I fucked your FC3 in a public bathroom while sucking your plug, a task which left FC2 dripping wet and my heart racing. I ran errands with your pussy and ass stuffed with vibes and had multiple orgasms standing in the public store, cumming in my panties, so grateful for the requirements to wear a mask to hide my contorted face as pleasure washed over me. I tied my legs up high and fucked all of your holes at once with clothespins on each nipple, then edged for five minutes alternating between the Satisfied and the wand, with your soaking FC2 and opened FH3 still stuffed full while I whispered my Mantras. I lined up three dildos and did over a hundred squats, filling different holes as you directed, at times deep throating one dildo while fucking your ass with another. And yesterday I did a new pain task for you requiring ripping off 12 clothespins while having five orgasms, which you had me post pics from on Fet. I have knelt again and again in submission and worship to you. You have helped me with setting up these tasks, refining how you want them done, combining them, taking over at times to direct me yourself in order to have your property abused in a certain manner. The intensity and demands of the new tasks has been good for both of us and I have felt our connection improving steadily.

I am proud of doing these Tasks and I have enjoyed talking about them with some of my online friends in the Lifestyle who all appreciate your creativity and boldness in the demands you make on me. As well, they are impressed that I am eager to meet these demands, despite risk, discomfort and time demands. Many of them have said that they have engaged in similar tasks but never to the levels that you have already brought me without hesitation. None of them have ever plugged a sub as aggressively as you have or requested such intense public play. I am proud that you push me harder than most Masters would dare and that I can rise to your challenges. I think we have a special connection, My Master. I feel we are well matched in our energy and depth of need for power dynamic, and that although some of our specific kinks are slightly different, we can both grow and adapt to meet those as well. I am so excited by what we have and hopeful and also nervous about the future, as I know you understand. There is great potential. You are so powerful, My Lord. I am in your hands and they are merciless and wonderful.

Sub Drop and Aftercare

Likely due to the increase in volume and intensity of my Tasks this week, as well as perhaps continued intense emotions following my failure and our struggles over the past two weeks, I experienced sub drop for the first time this week. It was after a combination experience of two tasks, “Full” and “Restrained”. You suggested I make a hybrid of the two and actively helped me with the complicated set up, as you had specific desires for how you wanted your Property positioned and what tools and toys to be used.

The task involved two phases, the first is a physically challenging task called Full, which requires me to have all your holes filled at the same time for 80 strokes with a strong emphasis lately on practicing deep throating with FC1, which tends to make me gag and sometimes even vomit. I used to orgasm with this task with your permission but the throat training has made it unpleasant and difficult and I have not been able to do so since you have increased that expectation. This task was completed with clothespins on your tits, Hush buzzing in your ass, dildo in FC2, legs restrained and sucking the dildo stuck to the mirror, meaning I had eye contact with myself throughout and could see your stuffed holes. Then I restrained my legs even higher and moved so that the one on the mirror was now in FC2 and began edging your clit, alternating between the Satisfier and the wand while running the Mantra of Identify through my mind as much as I could, given all the counting and timing required with the edging as well as managing the physical sensations. As well, I sent pictures before and after each phase of your Property. I was allowed to orgasm through the end of the task and had several with my legs tied high and your fuck cunts clenching and spasming around the toys.

After the task I rested a bit and then untied my tight and shaky legs. I physically felt cold and very tired. I usually feel pleased and proud after a task and closer to you but this time I felt alone and isolated. I experienced a sense of worthlessness, depression and rejection unusual for me. I started crying as I was cleaning up and had to stop and just lay down on the floor, still shaking and crying. I had never experience something like this before but recognized that it was probably sub drop from reading about it.

Not sure what to do, I reached out to you by text, asking where you were and telling you I needed you. Its very hard for me to say that, btw. That I need you. Admitting dependency and weakness makes me feel exposed and vulnerable. You did not respond at the time and I felt even more alone and uncertain. It felt like so many other times in my life when I was not helped when I was hurting. That is how I learned that I cannot rely on other people to help. I can only trust myself. I have to take care of myself, protect myself and be stronger than anything that happens to me in my life. I will not allow myself to fail. But then, of course, I am human and I fail all the time. Part of this journey has been admitting to myself that I am weak, that I do fail, that I need people and I need help and accepting that, allowing more honest connection, allowing loss of control over everything, allowing myself and others to see my weaknesses and forgive me for them.

Finally I stopped crying, regrouped, cleaned up and went to bed. I felt emotionally empty and numb and physically sore and fatigued. You texted me later that night and explained that you had lost internet and had fallen asleep. I understood with my rational mind and was not upset but still had lingering feelings of disappointment and detachment. Your tone was light and it felt like you were unconcerned and not really understanding how intense the experience had been to go through without you. To be fair, I did not disclose to you the full depth of what had happened. Because, of course, I did not want to seem needy or to ask you for more support that you might be unwilling or unable to give me.

The next morning I woke up depressed and with a terrible headache. I told you that morning that I was not feeling well but you did not explore it. I texted about the sub drop with a friend who expressed a lot of support and concern about my going through this without your help. He also normalized it for me and told me I was doing well, sending me some posts to lighten my mood. To be honest, I would have appreciated that kind of concern and support from you instead. As the day went on I gradually felt better and by the late afternoon my energy and mood was again at my usual high levels. I listened to a voice recording you had sent me telling me an erotic fantasy and it was so wonderful to hear your voice. I listened to it several times and it made me smile and remember how lucky I am to have you as my Master. I sent you my own voice message on the way home from work, letting you know that I had been thinking of you and how much I appreciated you.

The next few tasks I was worried about experiencing similar drop, but thankfully it did not occur. Yesterday however, we did the Pain and Pleasure task for the first time. You told me this task would likely push my limits for physical pain, which it did and that is one of the goals of the task. You helped me refine how you wanted it completed and knew when I had started it. Afterwards I was tired out, in subspace and started feeling a little needy. I was a bit regressed and began to get worried I would start feeling worse. I texted you that I was exhausted and wanted cuddles, something I don’t think I have ever said to you before. You responded with a single word “nap” and told me to get cuddles from someone else. I understood that you didn’t grasp where I was mentally from that response so I sent you more messages asking you to please give me praise and a few brief voice messages explaining that it would help me feel closer to you if you could use the time after an intense task to connect with me, even briefly. You have done so successfully in the past and its an extremely potent way to influence my mind. You did not respond to any of those messages.

I did not go into a more severe sub drop and was able to get up and move forward with the rest of my day but was troubled by your lack of response to my requests for aftercare. I do not believe I will generally need a lot of your time or attention for aftercare but praising me for completing the Task and reinforcing your ownership would help me a lot. An hour or so later you sent me some pornographic material off Reddit and I got annoyed as I thought you had gotten all the messages and were just ignoring them. So I decided to ask to talk to you about it. I have not done that in a long time. I texted you using your real name and you immediately called me. I told you what was going on and you explained that you had been having a busy day and had not had a chance to catch up on my messages. I felt much better and you graciously apologized which was appreciated and of course, accepted. You mentioned that you have a friend who doesn’t need much in the way of aftercare and I guess there are subs who don’t, but you are not lucky enough to have found that with me, My Master. I do need aftercare and feel it is a way for you to increase your control and power over me. It was a very good conversation. You grasped the situation immediately and handled it masterfully. By the end of the conversation I was on my knees, whimpering and cumming on your command, my heart full of thankfulness and my face smiling with joy to be your Slave.

Weekly Update 6/1/20-6/7/20

Posted on by Avertas

I have never been a Slave before, My Master

Please take pity on me

I am bound to make mistakes

This was a big one

Please help me

Indentify Mantra
I AM A WHINY WEAK-WILLED PATHETIC SLUT. I do NOT know what I WANT. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT I AM. I WANT TO: BE OWNED. Belong to My Master, My Lord, My Wolf. Be his Pathetic Slave Slut. But I AM: STUPID. DISOBEDIENT. Weak-willed. Whiny.

Tentative

This has been a strange week, My Master. I have put all my energy into recovering from the tumultuous events of last week when I broke your limits with my play partner and damaged your trust in my obedience and devotion to you. I had some time off this week and you have given me my new tasks. All of my new rituals and mantras feature criticism for my weak-willed, disobedient slut nature and emphasize that I could lose you if I am not careful. You have been changeable towards me this week, understandably so. At times you thaw, at other times you remain cold and distant. So I wait here in limbo, on my knees, practicing my patience. You know that is not my strength, My Master. My strengths seems to be evaporating in front of my eyes. Makes me wonder how real they ever were…

After you read the blog on Monday, I though you would soften towards me. I had laid out my counter argument beautifully, I thought. But in our text conversation you persisted in your anger at my disobedience, frustrating me with your high expectations for me and pointing out that I understood that a Slave should be obedient and that I am intelligent and well educated. Which in my experience, are fairly useless attributes when it comes to making good life decisions. With no other way to escape the heavy burden of guilt and regret I have settled into the long haul of earning back some of your faith in your useless, reckless Slave through careful obedience, continued honesty and making every effort to show you my appreciation for having you in my life.

The new tasks involve a lot of public play requiring creativity, planning extra effort, boldness and accepting some risk of discovery. I have found them interesting and challenging as I made my first efforts at them this week. These three public tasks are balanced by more private daily rituals around plugging and unplugging FC3 requiring me to kneel, look at myself in the mirror and reflect and reinforce my Slavehood and your ownership. Not suprisingly, I look forward to these daily moments very much as they make me feel close to you and at peace with myself. The most challenging task, Full, is a variant on the birthday task you made for me but you have modified it somewhat. I must fuck all three of your fuck cunts continuously for forty strokes within five minutes. Recently you added that I must lick your balls at the bottom of the stroke in FC1 which led to a great deal of spitting up and even a few strait up vomiting episodes during my last attempt at this task. I’m glad that you gave me the new tasks this week as they have given us something to work on together that is somewhat neutral and I have been able to demonstrate my service to you by completing them with enthusiasm.

My innermost feelings are mostly centered around anxiety this week as I still feel so uncertain about our bond. I feel like I am reaching, longing for you, begging you to bring your Lamb back into your care and control but I can feel your resistance to letting your guard down. That kills me, My Master and I feel so guilty and remorseful that I failed you. I don’t know what else I can do. I have been trying everything I can think of to show you how much I regret what I did. I never want to disrespect you or dishonor my Master. I want to serve you only and be worthy of your attention and use. I don’t believe in God, but I pray to you that you will forgive me whole heartedly someday once you feel that I have been adequately punished for my disobedience.

Slave Sister

Somewhat randomly I have begun communicating with one of your other subs, a woman on the other side of the world who also calls you Master. She is sweet at least on initial meeting and expresses excitement about having a Slave Sister. Immediately it was clear to me that I was alpha to her and she agreed and has spent the last few days sitting at my feet (symbolically) while I play with her hair and we chat of minor things. It has been a nice reminder of what I enjoy about having a submissive without the burden of the intense dependency and need for attention and support of truly having a committed sub. I don’t know if anything will come of it but I appreciate your permission for us to continue to explore that dynamic and the opportunity to again feel my own Dominant nature since I have been enjoying allowing myself to sink so deeply into the Submissive role with you.

I have recently been feeling an increasing interest in having a woman again. I was definitely not ready to be a domme in my last relationship with a woman and I learned a lot from that relationship, both about pitfalls in BDSM and poly. I have matched a few women on Tinder and OkCupid recently but after a few texts I’ve been shy about actually moving forward with meeting them. Women are often intense and emotional. They want another woman to be both best friends and lovers and expect lots of attention. My last girlfriend was fine with my husband but absolutely hated that I had other male lovers. I felt a lot of shame from her for my choices in my sexual and romantic relationships and it was frustrating to have to argue with her about it all the time. I guess I’m just worried that future relationships with women will be similarly demanding and distract me from serving you as a Slave which is my primary focus and goal right now. And with our recent difficulties with me taking on a play partner I have been shooing off potential connections, male or female, until things feel more settled between us.

I feel like I have already learned so much from you about how to be a good Dom. I know that time will be coming for me, when I am ready to commit to it someday, of taking my own sub, either male or female. I feel very lucky that you embrace my switch nature and are open to allowing me to explore that with your other subs under your guidance someday. I feel like that could be such a rich and exciting dynamic, personally. And even just in text and imagination I have found the idea of kneeling with another woman at your feet is exciting, especially if you let me use her as well. So many wonderful things you have brought into my life, My Master and I know you have so much more. You are the first person to ever really push my sexual limits and we have never even met! I can only imagine the incredible growth I will experience when we are together, My Lord.

Correspondence

Posted on by Avertas

Hello My Master,
Here are my tasks as I understand them. 


Weekly:  Motherhood:  any day of the week but must be completed once weekly.  Task as follows.  Edge 30 secondsx2, the add 3 clothespins to each tit, edge 60 seconds and orgasm.  Wait a bit, edge 30 seconds and remove a clothespin.  Continue until all clothespins are removed then permission to ride a dildo in FC3 while abusing clit and must abuse tits at orgasm.


Squats:  Can be completed all at once or split up into separate sets.  Suction cup dildo fixed to workout bench.  Strip naked and watch in mirror.  20 squats onto dildo full length in FC3 and then 20 squats half in and out of FC3.  Six sets total (120 squats).  No orgasm.


Weekly (or more) Blog Update regarding emotional responses and thoughts about relationship, sexual experiences, power dynamics, effects on personal and professional life etc.  Emphasis on expressing inner feelings.  Blog is published publicly and anonymously.  Both husband and Master may read it.  Must plug all holes when working on blog (vaginal weight or dildo in FC2, Njoy in FC3, lollypop in FC1).


Daily Tasks:

Greet Master before or by 6:20 on weekdays/workdays (can be later if ill or weekend).

FC3 plugged at all times when not at work (exceptions include for illness, if husband requests removal, can take out overnight if interfering with sleep but I rarely do so).

Allowed 2 orgasms daily using clit and FC2, FC3 only with permission.  Allowed to buzz Njoy with wand if grounding/soothing.

Elastic body harness to be worn under work clothing daily as not able to be plugged at work.  Send pic of harness daily in the morning.

No orgasm days on Sun/Tues/Thursday.  If compliant earn extra orgasm for the following day.

Edging in public bathroom for 45 sec two times, ideally with others present on M/Wed.

Edging to the cusp of orgasm and holding for slow 15 sec count Sun/Tues/Thursday/Sat.  Expect harsh punishment if you cum, bad slut.

Always use titles (My Master, My Wolf, My Lord) when speaking with Master. 

Playfulness and teasing may be tolerated.  Disrespect will not be.

Thank Master for any orgasms as he is the one who allows them.

Notify him if his holes are used by husband or other approved play partners.

Play partners do not have titles and P.S.S. does not accept tasks from anyone but her Master.

If Master commands an orgasm, allow it to occur if at all possible.

P.S.S. is allowed to send saucy pics with panties/bra/bikini on to friends but nothing more without Master’s permission.

Only allowed to have four online, casual sexting friends.

Express aversion or concern about new ideas/proposals by using the term “yet” rather than outright refusal.

In conversation (written or verbal) all holes and clit are referred to as “your” (as in belonging to Master) and use the abbreviation FC (Fuck Cunt) 1 (mouth), 2 (pussy), 3 (asshole).


During Play:

Only allowed to orgasm during play with Master with his direct permission. 

Do not touch your face, fix hair etc unless directly commanded.  Master may wish you to be ruined/a mess.  

If given instructions to perform a certain number of tasks count out loud for Master. 

Always answer Master promptly and correctly.  Obviously use proper titles throughout play.


If possible should be kneeling in submission when talking with Master.

Use safewords when necessary.

Not required but appreciated are sharing interesting content from social media (BDSM or otherwise), responding to similar from Master, assisting Master with personal tasks/work as he requests (edit papers, source things he needs), sending gifts and cards in the mail, listening to Master if he wants P.S.S. opinion on something happening in his life, sexy pictures in lingerie, swimsuits, shibari, explicit pictures of holes (plugged or otherwise), squirting evidence etc, body marks/injuries from play or tasks.  An attitude of curiosity and openness to new sexual or BDSM experiences is encouraged.


To my mind, Master is most insistent on honesty and willingness to try.  That is the most important element of being a Good Girl, Pet, Princess, Lamb and P.S.S. Breaking rules or neglecting tasks will lead to punishment which will be decided by Master and discussed.


Your Property,
P.S.S.

Weekly Update 5/11/20-5/18/20

Posted on by Avertas

Rationally, of course, I should not mind but the emotional process of being a submissive/slave is powerful

It is hard to feel like I am being asked to find you a better replacement for myself, (real name)

I am thinking about where my limit is on this and I will let you know

“Good girl

By the way, not a Replacement to you

I will still own you.”

Insecurity

For the first time this week I was unable to cum when you ordered me to do so. This occurred in the context of a few unsettling events in our relationship, at least to me. One, you had me help you with some practical writing tasks, which on one hand was flattering and appreciated as I like when you involve me in your day to day life (something I have been asking for) but also can feel a little exploitative, probably because of my own baggage. I have always been a nerdy academic overachiever and this has made me sensitive to people passing off their work for me to do. I have developed strong boundaries about this in other areas of my life. To be fair however, you did ask and I happily agreed to assist you and the work itself, although a little time consuming, was quite easy for me. I felt like you were truly appreciative of my assistance and I am honored to help you.

Likely more relevant to your Property’s lack of sexual response is that you started talking to me more recently about looking for a new sub/slave/cuckqueen to be your primary relationship. I have been through this before with having an open marriage and in other relationships so I wasn’t surprised to find myself feeling more insecure, anxious and preoccupied with the idea that you were rejecting me for some flaw. Rationally, of course, I completely understand that you desire and deserve to pursue your relationship goals. And I know I can’t meet those needs, nor do I particularly want to try to. But emotionally, it is another matter all together. The process of becoming your Slave has involved intentionally deepening and encouraging my emotional dependence on you, My Master. It has been very effective but it has also made me sensitive to what I perceive as rejection or loss of interest from you, which I think is typical in the submissive position but probably amplified by our relationship being new, long distance and my first time being a formal sub/slave.

You asked me to look over your profile from a dating site and that was the last straw. I have been asked to do similar things for lovers who were looking for primary relationships and even in less intense relationships, I found it painful and threatening. One thing I have learned from polyamory is that I just need to speak my truth and be okay with letting people know where my boundary is whether they understand and agree with it or not. Because things were complicated, my feelings were intense and I was not feeling very connected with you, I asked if we could talk on video chat. When we did, it was helpful although somewhat mixed initially. You seemed to be in a playful mood (perhaps a defense of yours?), which was frustrating as this was something serious to me and I was in my feelings. You also mixed up my real name for some reason, which certainly isn’t reassuring to a woman who is already feeling insecure about her importance to you! However, you did recover from these missteps and we had a good conversation and I felt better at being able to communicate directly with you, explain my problem and be heard. I also appreciated that you chose to have us do so outside the BDSM framework, allowing me to communicate more directly and firmly with you about my limits and needs. After that conversation I felt much calmer and connected. I appreciate that you understand why it is emotionally hard for me to help you find a new primary sub, that you are beginning to tell me about other secondary relationships you currently have and exploring how much information I can/should share with others about our connection to each other. In the future I will continue to seek more direct communication with you when I am feeling unsure about things because I repeatedly find that we do better when we are able to talk in person vs. trying to manage complicated topics over text. I hope that you will do the same, My Master.

As a result of this reassurance and clarification, I find your Property is responding better to your instructions. I also decided to approach you for more clear limits on my interactions with other men online and as I begin again seeking a male play partner. You helped me by letting me know what was acceptable to you in terms of my sexual behaviors (not sharing full nude photos/videos but otherwise able to amuse myself with sexting/saucy pics) and set a limit on the number of people I can engage with in this type of casual playful sexual activity. You also changed my status on Fet, announcing that I was owned by you, which was something I thought I felt neutral on, but I was surprised that it gave me a thrill to see it in “public”. It made it more real and like you were making more of a commitment to this being a true relationship between us.

You have asked me to have a potential play partner approach you first if I desire to make it a physical relationship and that has brought up a mixed feelings. On one hand, I’m nervous that you will scare off potential play partners, not intentionally, but who knows what you will get into your head, My Master. It’s been quite a long time since I had a sexual partner other than my husband and I really hope I can find someone who will be a good fit for my complicated situation. Of course, there’s a part of me that pushes back against your control and wants to be independent in making my own choices about my sex life. However, I felt intensely “owned” when you told me that this man would have to talk to you before he was allowed to fuck your Property. You know how much I like sexual objectification and this entire exchange, although somewhat nerve racking, has also been quite erotic for me. I’m looking forward to seeing what happens next, My Master.

Tasks

You have recently told me that you would like to revamp my Tasks and have asked for some feedback on what I like/dislike about my current daily and weekly Tasks.

Things I like in my Tasks: Being asked to think or say things out loud (Mantras), being called “Property” or anything referencing being owned or not in control of my body/mind, Doing tasks while looking in a mirror, Doing tasks in a submissive position (kneeling or lying flat on the ground), Semi public tasks (this one needs negotiating bc I understand it’s hard to know what is okay and what isn’t but I do like playing with this), Being told to wear certain things (daily body harnesses I love but also pearl panties, or no panties, or I have to wear thigh highs, high heels, etc), having to send explicit photographs or videos of my body to you, a brief ritual or mantra around plugging/unplugging FC3 would be nice as that is a daily private moment of submission, orgasm denial/control (demanding certain number of orgasms be completed or none at all), cumming on command (perhaps we can work on strengthening that through play again), detailed tasks (specific amounts of time/counts, multiple instructions, variety of toys), tasks that use all your FC (especially FC3), continued development of tolerance/interest in painful sensations during play, tasks using/involving nJoy plug, being granted reprieve from other tasks while working on special projects (Punishment or Reward tasks), extra challenging tasks for special occasions/events, perhaps some special rewards (like an explicit video of you cumming) for meeting new challenges, an occasional field trip task might be fun (go to the drug store and fuck yourself with a dildo in the bathroom for two minutes etc), I also like the weekly tasks to have titles (Squats, Motherhood etc)

Things I don’t like in my Tasks: Too rigid of a timeline for completion (which you are good about), tasks that take too long as this can become disruptive to my evening routines (understandable for punishment but weekly tasks can also get time consuming and interfere with exercise or time with my husband which is okay occasionally but not frequently), too simple of tasks (perhaps the basic edging task needs an upgrade), prolonged orgasm denial or very stimulating tasks without allowed release, tasks that require me to be unplugged for long periods of time outside of work, tasks that are excessively painful for my level, tasks requesting ATM without cleaning in between, overly frequent daily tasks that disrupt my work day (2-3 brief tasks a day seems good so far)

You gave me a lovely, dirty and challenging task for my birthday earlier this week which was amazing. You titled it “Birthday Gang Bang” which immediately got my interest. You told me to put two clothespins on each breast sandwiching each nipple in between. I was to put the Lush in FC2 and turn it to respond to sound and play music during the task. I was then to put a vibe in FC3 and a dildo in FC1. Then slide forwards and backwards, as if being fucked in a gang bang for forty strokes without orgasm allowed. This was followed by permission to bring myself to orgasm using any means and at climax, remove one clothespin, continuing to build to repeat orgasms until all clothespins were removed. My initial response was excited and pleased but then, of course, you upped the ante by telling me I had to complete this not once but three times (!) over the 24 hours of my birthday. You do demand so much and I love that. I love that your are strict and challenge me. This was a great task, if you look at what I like above, because it was detailed, used all three FC, developed pain tolerance, involved orgasm control but also release at the end and involved an erotic fantasy of mine (MFM threesome). I was feeling a little depressed about my birthday but having twelve kinky orgasms definitely cheered me up. I was so proud of this task I actually talked (bragged) about it to a few friends and they were impressed by the task and also told me that I seemed happy and fulfilled in this relationship with you. Thank you for a great birthday gift, My Master.

Weekly Update 5/4/20-5/10/20

Posted on by Avertas

I will not be able to reach that goal, My Master

“You have until WEDNESDAY Midnight to accomplish.

All freebies and tasks are cancelled until then”

I don’t accept this punishment, My Master

“I am Shocked.

You don’t have faith in yourself

Stating defeat without trying”

“It is fair that I be punished, My Master

But I don’t accept an impossible task as punishment”

Punishment Again

Sunday afternoon I broke a rule by accidentally having an orgasm while edging as part of my daily task. It was a no orgasm day. I was edging in my bathroom, using the satisfier on your clit and your plug in FC3 and watching a porn clip on my phone. I was supposed to bring myself almost to orgasm and then a slow count down from 15. I have been working on really pushing the edging right to the brink of orgasm the past week. The satisfier felt so good on your aching clit and I knew I was very close. I got to about ten and I lost control over it. As the pleasure washed over me, I groaned out loud, “Shiittt”, because I already was imagining having to tell you about it and whatever punishment I knew was coming my way. I remember looking at myself in the mirror and thinking, just for a second, “You could always not tell; He will never know”. Then shrugging that idea off because one, I have already decided to not play that kind of game with you because it cheats me more than anything. And two, I am so under your power now that it would be uncomfortable for me to lie to you about breaking a rule.

I immediately texted you, feeling annoyed that this had happened as I had been in a wonderful mood earlier in the day and now I knew something unpleasant was coming my way and nobody’s fault but my own. Sometimes you are quite generous and forgiving, so part of me was hoping you might take it easy on me as this was not disobedience, but rather error leading to breaking a rule. Also I thought you might reward me with a lighter punishment because I was so prompt and honest in telling you. I was wrong on both counts. And as I am writing this I can hear you saying, “Why should I reward you for what is EXPECTED of you, Slave Cunt”.

You responded to my announcement with displeasure as expected and gave me a punishment of being immediately unplugged for 24 hours and a new task for overstim and forced orgasms. While I agreed that I needed to be punished and that the overall theme of the punishment was appropriate to the mistake, the initial demand of 15 orgasms in two minutes annoyed me as it seemed ludicrous. I remember thinking, if you just want me to torture myself with overstim for two minutes strait, just ask for that. Don’t make me try for something I can’t achieve. I was sullen and pouty anyway since I had been hoping to be let off the hook and I didn’t like the idea of being set up for failure. You know I have a low tolerance for failure in myself or others. So I decided to reject the initial punishment.

This was my first time trying such a stunt and I had no idea how you would take it. Maybe I would be told to shut up and be a good Slave and do as Master demands or maybe the punishment would be dropped or maybe you would pull us out of our roles and talk to me as a person outside BSDM to see why I was refusing. What you did was respond in a calm and measured way and explore what I thought was unfair about the punishment. You negotiated with me an acceptable expectation (which I still thought was unachievable) of ten orgasms in five minutes with three attempts daily until I either achieved it or I hit the cut off. I was a little sulky at the time when I was feeling angry, childish and wanting to provoke you, although later I appreciated the opportunity to practice negotiating limits with you in a respectful way that did not take us out of our dynamic. You also cancelled all tasks for me until punishment was completed as you wanted punishment to be my focus.

That night, after my household had settled, I told my husband that I needed some time alone and went to my bedroom. I had charged all my toys. I stripped naked, put down a towel, took a deep breath and started. I brought myself to the first intense orgasm relatively quickly and the next two were fairly easy and still pleasurable but then your property started to respond less to the clit stim and the g spot glass dildo I was using. I switched to the wand and turned it up higher, resulting in two more orgasms that were painful spasming with no euphoria or release sensation. I was up to five and almost out of time. Your clit was so tender and sensitive that it was agony to even touch it. I grit my teeth and pushed the buzzing wand against it again, gasping and writhing at the sensation as my legs clamped together in an attempt to escape it. My timer went off and I dropped the wand, already exhausted from my first attempt. Fuck, this is going to suck, I thought as I realized what a task I had ahead of me.

I rested a few minutes and texted you the results of my first try. What I learned the first day of punishment is that the first try is the one where you are most likely to be successful because the second and third try are almost strait torture since your clit was already sensitized and tender. My second and third tries I got generally between five and seven orgasms but they were hard won. I sent you a brief video of me writhing and groaning in bed, panting, mouth open as I attempted to force yet another orgasm from your clit. I continued to update you on my progress by text every day of punishment. I also sent you pics of your soaking wet, swollen FC2, plugged FC3 and clit, or my hand slick with pussy juice. The second night you suggested I try tying my legs open to help, which I did, using scarves and a soft tie from an old dress tied to the legs of my bed. My first pathetic attempt at self restraint. It did help somewhat. This punishment was time consuming, and I often started my evening workouts late in the night with resulting late bedtimes. I was also on my second week of work in a row, meaning I was tired. I was on my cycle leading to some messy and time consuming clean up. All of these excuses meant nothing, I knew and I did not trouble with you them. Punishment is intended to be inconvenient and unpleasant after all.

As I did have to keep disappearing into my bedroom essentially every night, I had to explain to my husband that I was being punished for something. Initially he was satisfied with that vague excuse, although later he became more curious and requested more information. I explained to him that I had broken a rule and what the consequences were. He became anxious when he learned about the level of orgasm control and zero orgasm days, worried that meant you were instructing me about how to respond sexually with him. I gave him lots of reassurance that was not the case and that when we were having sex, I was free to respond naturally, which is true. One of his understandable worries is that our relationship and its power dynamics will interfere with our married sex life. This conversation led to me disclosing more to him about my daily tasks than he had known previously. He seemed surprised at the frequency and intensity of my responsibilities to you. Partly because of these conversations and issues, I approached you about the rest of my normal weekly tasks, Motherhood and Squats which would have to be completed on the remaining evenings of the week as I continued to fail at completing my punishment task. You were very gracious and waived all the rest of my tasks for the week which was deeply appreciated, My Master (although I did find myself missing the edging at work).

Finally Wednesday evening rolled around and I was determined to achieve the goal of ten orgasms in five minutes. I had hit nine a few times so I knew I was close. You gave me permission to use FC3 that night and I decided to try a new approach of going for a softer first orgasm and building up from there. Again I stripped naked, tied my legs to the bed frame, and had my toys to hand. I unplugged FC3 and slid a well lubed vibrator inside it then started the satisfier on your clit. The vibe was buzzing away as I moved it in and out, stretching your hole when the first orgasm hit and I started the timer. I kept going, changing the position of the toys to keep the sensations intense. The orgasms kept building to a large one at four, which had me pulling against the restraints. I checked the timer, still a few minutes left. I knew I could get there. I closed my eyes and put the satisfier on high and pushed it down on your clit. My legs strained against the ties and my mind went nearly blank as my body tried to escape the painfully intense feelings. I got up to seven, then stopped for a few seconds and resumed fucking your FC3 deeply for several strokes while I let your clit recover. Little over a minute left now, I grimaced and tentatively put the satisfied back on, a moan escaped me as I was thrown almost immediately into full body convulsions of agony. But I would not move the toy off your clit and I felt the last few painful spasms rip through me with relief. I went limp and stared at the ceiling. I had done it and I was completely exhausted. I thought about how much I had learned from this punishment; that I could negotiate with you, that you could be reasonable and help me achieve my goal, that I could persist in something and achieve it, even when I though it wasn’t possible, practical experience in self restraint and overstim, discovering an anxiety of my husband’s and addressing it and reinforcement of the importance of adhering to the rules and how seriously you expect me to take them. I felt proud of myself and also silly about that, because who feels proud of something like having ten orgasms while tied to the bed? I guess a Slave does, My Master.

Integration and Disappointments

Last night we were texting late and you brought up a change I have noticed you making lately. You have recently been pairing my true name with the title Slave. You had started with this weeks ago, during play, and it made me nervous right from the beginning. One reason is that I understand the use of my real name to indicate that we are stepping outside the BDSM framework to discuss something. When you pair my name with the title Slave I am unsure about where I am supposed to be responding from, which psychological position.

We have been exploring how and why I keep the separate aspects of my life/personality/personhood apart recently. This partly came up because we were talking about my starting a relationship with the man I had been communicating with throughout quarantine, who completely and unexpectedly ghosted me this week after offering to make and bring me lunch at work. This was a first experience for me and we’ve discussed how it is bringing up the expected feelings of disappointment, anger, embarrassment, insecurity and reluctance to trust others. I can’t help but think about our relationship as there are similarities. What if you did something similar to me after developing this intensity and reliance on you? That would be so painful but I have made myself vulnerable to such suffering by trusting you. I hope I am not making a mistake with you, like I did with this man who completely wasted my time. I will say that with you, even if we never meet, I have learned a lot from experiences with you and that will always have value to me.

So this possibility of a new sexual partner, although now a moot point was the trigger for discussing how to balance the Slut and Slave parts of my life with the other more conventional but equally important roles I play. I was talking about how I would like to work towards integrating some of these roles, although of course, there will always be boundaries and privacy. I want these aspects of myself to feel understood, accepted and internally integrated inside my mind. On some level they are all connected, but just by the deep roots. You asked if we should continue to use my name with the Slave title or if I found it too distressing and although I don’t like it (yet), its fine to continue. It may be even good. When I don’t like something you often push me to explore it more and we find out interesting things. I remain open to physically and emotionally painful experiences as a path toward knowledge. However, I would like us to agree on another way to indicate that we are setting aside the BSDM roles if and when we need to do so. I am not ready yet to give up completely the option to communicate with you as something other than your Slave, My Master.

Weekly Update 4/27/20-5/3/20

Posted on by Avertas

“Look in your review mirror

Stare into your eyes”

Yes, My Master

“Repeat, I am my Master’s Slave. His Property.

He is Respectful of my Limits.

I am his 3 Hole Fuck Slave

Repeat that 10 times, slowly”

Yes, My Master

I have done it my Master

“Is your mind at rest?”

Yes, My Master

Very calm

Hush

I had recently been feeling a little annoyed about a minor thing but I brought it up with you this week. You had me purchase two remote controlled vibrators, delivered several weeks ago and we have not really played with them much. You do like shopping and having lots of options for your creative and devious mind and I am happy to indulge My Master. However, these were somewhat expensive toys and they were sitting in my toy box barely used. I began to think about maybe using them with other lovers so I at least had some experiences with them if you were not interested. I brought this up with you and you took it into consideration. Generally you have asked me to reserve “our” toys from play with my husband and others. I understand and respect this limit. You decided that I could use the Lush (vaginal egg vibrator) with others but that the Hush (butt plug vibrator) was just for us.

This conversation led to you requesting me to be ready to use the Hush one morning before work. You have noticed how much I enjoy the juxtaposition of completing submissive tasks around the edges of my professional work schedule. You had me replace the Njoy with the Hush and once I got to work, you started buzzing it. I was ordered to find a bathroom, but the one I wanted to use was frustratingly occupied for a suspiciously long time. We joked that perhaps someone else was doing a service ritual in there. You kept the Hush buzzing while I wandered about the busy hallways, clacking my heels loudly to cover the possible faint sound of buzzing. Finally I found a private bathroom.

You quickly had me on my knees with my pants pulled down, following your instructions to edge your clit for thirty seconds, then enjoying making me beg to be granted another 30 seconds to play with it. Then you had me pull out the Hush, allowed me to wash it quickly and ordered me to put it in my mouth. It is longer than the Njoy and awkward to have in the mouth. As soon as I sent you the requested pic of it in FH1 you ordered me to cum, which I did, with my head leaning against the cold edge of the sink, your pussy aching, knees on the hard tile, half gagging on the warm butt plug in my mouth which you were still vibrating, making me drool. You reminded me that I was a nasty, plug sucker and when I asked to take it out of my mouth you asked me what I was. Which was (and is) your drooling Pathetic Slut Slave and your Property, of course. After which you ordered me to cum again. And then you asked me to look in the mirror and tell you what else I was. My thoughts at looking at myself in the mirror were so mixed, My Master. I felt strangely proud, of course excited by the risk and the novelty of the experience, flattered and pleased by your attention and creativity, concerned and anxious that I had chosen to get into situation like this. But mostly I fucking loved this outrageous situation and being your slave and doing crazy, fun, sexy things. I was beautifully dressed for work with full make up and heels and I was kneeling in a public bathroom, pants down, body harness in place with a vibrating butt plug in my mouth. I texted you back that I was a crazy motherfucker and you laughed and said “aren’t we all”. Then you reminded me that I’m also a pathetic ass plug sucker and made me cum yet again. Finally you released your slave to work.

The next time we played with the Hush you wanted to start before I went to work. I did request, and was granted, the ability to turn the Hush off while saying goodbye to my family for the day. You had me set it to respond to noise and as I did my makeup and hair I played Spotify playlists and felt the vibrations changing in your ass with each song. I absolutely love the physical sensation and found it so pleasurable I asked your permission to cum. As I had been obedient with my no orgasm day previous I had three “freebie” orgasms available and you told me I could do as I wished with them. I ended up fucking FH2 on the bathroom floor with my suction cup dildo while fingering your clit and with the Hush buzzing in your ass. It felt so fucking fantastic I blew through two of my three orgasms before I even left the house.

That morning I actually stopped at Dunkin Doughnuts to get a coffee and kept the Hush going, smiling sweetly at the lady giving me change; amused at her having no idea your pussy was dripping wet from the sex toy buzzing away inside FH3. The drive to work felt lovely with the Hush buzzing away in tune with the radio. When I pulled into the parking lot you asked me how much time I had left before I had to go into work. You took over control of the Hush at that point and also direct control of me. You had me repeat the above “Mantra” in the first quote out loud to myself ten times while you stimulated your slave’s hole and my colleagues walked past my car sitting in the lot. The look in my own eyes was surprisingly calm, proud and accepting as I repeated that I was your property and your three hole fuck slave. Initially I felt kind of stupid talking to myself but that quickly faded as I felt my mind sinking into a submissive state as I echoed your chosen words. You then had me imagine myself on a leash while I strolled around the block with the Hush buzzing and you reinforced my position as your property, reminding me to stand tall and own my role. You then had me cum standing in the parking lot while a strange man loaded a truck about thirty feet away. I tried to pretend I was looking at my phone while FH3 buzzed and your pussy clenched and dripped at your command. I loved every minute of it.

Playtimes

I enjoyed doing my tasks, both daily edgings and no orgasm days as well as my two more complicated tasks, fucking your Slave’s ass with dildo while doing 120 Squats and “Motherhood”, the task involving edging, mild breast pain with clothespins and ending again with fucking FH3 with clit stim until orgasm. I enjoyed that so much this week that I actually squirted, something rare for me. Saturday night you kindly granted my request for a more extended play session. You told me all the many things I needed, primarily a LOT of dildos and clothespins.

You chose to do voice only and it was so nice hearing your voice again for longer than a brief audio clip. I had changed into a purple crotchless, open cup teddy and lit candles. I had set myself up with towels, sex toys, lube and a large mirror to watch myself. It was a good session, with continued exploring of clothespins and adding more pain with them on the breasts and for the first time on your pussy (which was stuffed with the Lush and a dildo at the time). I did get some time in subspace, right after the first time you ordered me to cum. There was also a level of humor, intimacy and familiarity between us in this session that was pleasing to me. I do feel that you have opened up to me more and are letting me get to know you, sharing some of the things that are happening in your life and respectfully asking for my thoughts on them. This added warmth and connection in our relationship is welcomed and appreciated. You spent a lot of time and energy on me as well and that was deeply appreciated, My Master.

RG

I have decided to use initials for the other men and women in my life when I talk about them in this blog, My Master. You had suggested perhaps I should start a second blog about my “Slut” adventures but other than my dread of having to write even more diary entries I also want to keep my BDSM and other non monogamous sexual experiences less fractured. I consider all of this part of my sexual journey. I think it’s interesting that you suggested I write about them separately, perhaps an unconscious desire on your part to keep a boundary between your relationship with me as your Slave and my experiences and adventures outside of my time with you. But if this body is truly your Property, My Master then you must be at peace with allowing it to be pleasured in your absence. You must grant me that permission to explore and enjoy sex with another man, a dominant man. I don’t think that is easy for you, although you have not forbidden it. My husband is easier because you know our dynamic and our love is not a threat to you. But perhaps this new lover is.

We’re to meet this week and he seems quite interested in me, although he can blow hot and cold at times. Our relationship has been explicitly sexual since the beginning and I won’t lie to you My Master, I do want to have sex with him. I don’t know how much to tell you about it all. I don’t want you to give me too many restrictions, to sabotage this budding relationship with strange demands. But I do want to show you respect, to honor my bond and my obligations to you as your Property, to reassure you that you own me, mind, body and more and more, heart. I want you to feel confident that you can let your Slut play with her toys, mechanical and human, with impunity, just like you grant me freebie orgasms, to keep my hunger slated temporarily, until you can satisfy me completely yourself.

Weekly Update 4/20/20-4/26/20

Posted on by Avertas

It feels so good to me to obey and to be used, be mindless and controlled and open to anything you desire from me, My Master

To feel your hold on me

Both my mind and my body

Your plug is so familiar now, the secret touching of your clit and FH2 through the day as I edge

Wearing a harness beneath my pretty work clothes like the slut that I am, My Master

I am so happy to be in your service, My Lord

You are right that I never would have thought that I would feel it so deeply

That I would be transformed by a relationship like this, especially because you are so far away from me

I find myself longing for the time when I can kneel down to you in person, My Lord

Boundaries

This has been a relatively pleasant and more quiet week compared to last week, which was full of difficult revelations. I completed my tasks for you willingly. This week I was ovulating which makes my sex driving very high and you decided I could not use FH2 for pleasure, but only your clit and FH3. I had been on hormonal birth control in some form or another for my entire adult life as a woman prior to about two years ago. Off of it, I have have perfect cycles and I am much more aware of the changes in my mind and body with my fertility. During ovulation I feel like I could stay in bed and fuck about ten guys in a row, completely insatiable, which is frustrating, distracting and somewhat embarassing. To be so influenced by my body and its ancient commands to procreate. What is interesting is that I tend to get even more male attention when I am ovulating as well, perhaps because of my unconcious behavior and how I present myself, perhaps because they can smell it on me. We are all animals after all.

This week my body harnesses arrived and I began wearing them under my clothing at work. We did a lot of playful boundary pushing at work this week, perhaps as a result of me feeling your hand on me more in that setting than previously. Honestly, that is the environment where I am least comfortable accessing this part of my self and that is a healthy boundary, I think. My work calls for a clear and ready mind. The harnesses are beautiful and I enjoyed sending you pics of them all. I like feeling pretty and desirable. It feels delightfully secret wearing them under my clothes, which I had to pick out carefully to ensure that all the straps were covered and the lines not obvious to observers. I like secrets, they make me feel powerful. I texted you as I was walking into work one morning, your plug in my ass, the pull of the garters of your harness rubbing on my things, walking past my colleagues with a smirk. You responded by ordering me to cum, which I did of course. I happened to be alone in a public elevator at the time, which was a first, leaning against the wall and whimpering slightly in pleasure. You also had me go to the cafeteria during my lunch break and made me cum there with other people in the room. This playing at work feels pleasurable, fun, risky but contained. You are riding right up to the very edge of what I think is acceptable there, as you do with any boundary or limit. It has helped that work has been fairly light this week, giving me some extra time during the day that I won’t always have.

The harnesses are important symbols of my submission to you and I am trying to figure out my boundaries with them and my other relationships. For example, I often send a naughty pic of myself to my new male lover during the day, but I don’t want him to see the harnesses because he is very observant and will ask right away why I am wearing such a thing to work. He knows about you, but very little and has not asked for more information and I don’t want to give him more information either. I take them off when I get home although my husband has seen them and finds them sexy, I don’t like to wear them for him; they are not for him. I don’t wear them if I am helping him practice shibari or in the photographs for Fet that we have been taking of his rope work. I don’t send booty pics with them on to my various casual internet suitors/friends who I sometimes indulge with a saucy picture. I don’t know if this makes me a good or bad sub. I am hiding my submission even in anonymous spaces where it would be acceptable like Fet or online; I am protecting my other relationships from being impacted by this one. Generally I feel incredibly lucky to be able to participate in more than one relationship and have such great men in my life in their various roles to me but it gets complicated and tiring too, constantly thinking about what they need to know and understand about each other and about me. About what each of them needs and expects from me.

Kinky Dreams Vs. Realities

This morning you asked me if I would have a sex chair made and keep it in my house for us to use for play. I figured that was what you were going to ask and I already knew that I was going to say no. We discussed the reasons why already and I won’t go into that further. It was strange to say “No” to you but also kind of good, I think. I do have to consider more that just your wishes, as much as I would like to indulge you in all of them. You have never been married or had children or held a job with a public profile (that I am aware of anyway) so sometimes I wonder if you just think I’m being difficult or overly cautious. I know most of your subs were younger and had lower stakes than me. They were just finding their way in life while I come to you with a fully realized, complicated and successful life and ask you to fit into it and add to it without disrupting the rest of the house of cards. What a challenging request that is. And you have done it beautifully. The place where my slavehood is the most intrusive is obviously my marriage and I feel like that is going fairly well partly thanks to this blog and partly due to my commitment to maintain my primary relationship and my husband’s wonderful acceptance and love for me.

Sometimes you ask me to do things which sound amazingly fun, but are also impractical and would cause a lot of distress in the rest of my life; I have to say no. And that sucks. Right now it often feels like all we have left is dreaming about a better time when we can fulfill our fantasies because the reality is mundane and so restricted by current events, responsibilities and practical limitations. In my fantasies I can play with you in complete freedom, with the only restrictions being my own mind, but in reality, of course, we are bound by much more.

Thank you for respecting that I will sometimes need to say No. I don’t like to disappoint you. As your slave, I assure you that it is an unpleasant feeling for me, since I would much prefer to eagerly grant your requests as a sign of my submission. I did appreciate you respecting that limit and even telling me you won’t bring it up again. It makes me feel safe with you when you listen to me even when you don’t always understand or agree with my choices.