Tag: submission

Weekly Update 6/29/20-7/5/20

Posted on by Avertas

Master, could I please cum

“Why, Pet?”

Your FC2 is so close, My Master

“Why?

Doesn’t she have any self control?”

You let me play with your cunt

“Of course”

Not it’s wet and aching

“I enjoy my slave on the edge”

Please let me cum, My Master

“This is where a Slave should live

Always ready to please”

Precious

It was raining and I had been walking the dog with the Lush vibrating in FC2 for 30 minutes after you had given me permission to turn it on. It was getting dark. I was desperate to cum. You ordered me to kneel in the grass and I did so in a neighbors yard where the lights were out in the house and I hoped they wouldn’t notice. When you told me to send you a picture I tried but the light was too low. I was in the process of moving to a spot under a street light when you grew impatient and called me. I didn’t have my headphones so I had to put you on speaker. I was alone and yet exposed. Kneeling in the wet grass, rain falling, mosquitos biting my flesh, My Masters loud voice degrading me where anyone who walked by could hear me being called a Slut and a Slave. A car parked about fifty feet away, casting bright light over me from their headlights and a squabbling couple got out and looked at me. But none of that mattered because you had taken over.

You just grabbed me, My Master. You snatched my mind up like a coin you wanted to flip. I can barely remember the words you said bc I fell so fast and deep into subspace. I remember your dark eyes and being told that I could not look away. I was made to cum there on my knees in public on my nice suburban street where my neighbors could see me. I remember you telling me that they would know what I was and that I was laid bare before you. The energy in your voice when you are in that space is ferocious, the force of it is irresistible. You kept me there, wet, humiliated, exposed, cumming in my panties until you were satisfied. And then you said something very special to me; you told me that I was precious to you, even though you may not always show it. I dropped my head and looked away as I thanked you. I felt like a 14 year old girl. I got off the call and slowly got up from the grass, looking around to see if anyone was watching me, reassuring my poor dog who had given up on her crazy owner at that point. I walked the rest of the way home slowly coming out of subspace, practically vibrating with happiness, a sly, satisfied smile flickering across my face as I thought of you. I composed myself before I went in the house, greeting my husband with a light tone and hiding the intensity of my feelings as I can do. But I felt so good, so safe, so connected, so proud. So happy.

This whole week you have been exploring using your Slave in the public space. Again and again you chose the Task “Public” which requires me to bring a suction cup dildo to a public bathroom and fuck one of your holes (of your choosing, of course) for a minimum of 60 seconds. Typically you allow an orgasm with this Task and photographs are required. This is a daring task and one that makes me nervous and excited. To my surprise I have no problem cumming and your FC2 is dripping wet by the time I am done. It is so naughty and fun, playful as you like to call me, to look like such a proper middle aged woman, dressed for her work in heels and hose and then secretly do something so obscene and unexpected. After I fucked FC3 in the bathroom of the pharmacy I had to do a little shopping and I could not stop the occasional giggle from escaping as I demurely wandered the aisles clenching your plug in carefully as it tried to slide out of your opened and lubed hole.

You also played with me in public in my car for the first time. I had called you after my therapy appointment and I mentioned that she was curious how you would react to the previous blog post. You began reading it while I was on the phone outloud and I cringed as you read my critical comments. Suddenly you stopped reading and told me to take off my bra and ordered me to start edging. I was in a very exposed situation, parked where people could not help but see me directly and you allowed me to move to a more discreet location. I teasingly chose the local church parking lot where you verbally degraded me while describing ways that you would like to use your Property and another Toy at the same time. The ways you would make us play with each other and service you. You had me shove more and more fingers in FC2 and pinch and rub your clit until I was begging to cum, which I did publicly and loudly at your command.

You have been amazing this week. Attentive, responsive, creative, fun and my Slave heart is enthralled by you, My Master. I feel so connected to you that I actually had a spontaneous orgasm while driving home after edging all day without an orgasm. I had been daydreaming, thinking about how you called me precious to you and how wonderful it felt to be used by you with such intensity and relish. I was scared when it happened because it was a no orgasm day and I did not have permission, but you were understanding when I explained what had happened and thought perhaps it was a sign of how highly I value your thoughts about me, which subconsciously triggered a command orgasm. I think that is likely true, My Master. Your opinion and feelings about me are extremely important to me. And, to be honest, they are quite opaque to me. I don’t know how you feel about me and that’s why it was very moving to learn that you do see me as something special in your life. Thank you for telling me that, My Wolf. I know you do see me laid bare, both physically and mentally. You know my weaknesses and try to help me correct them. You hold me to a high standard because you believe I can reach it. I am so honored by your attention, time and energy. I am honored to be your Slave, My Lord and it means the world to me that you are happy to be My Master.

Happy Birthday!

It has also been a celebratory week with your birthday and the holiday. I was so pleased that your present got to you on time and you seem to like it. I look forward to doing some naughty shopping with you at the sex store so you can chose some kinky toys to use on your Property. It was fun spending a few hours one night taking sexy pictures of your plugged Property in fishnets, heels, pigtails, tutus, thongs, cuffs, body suits, garter belts and a wide variety of sexy poses, then sending them to you throughout the day on your birthday. I hope they pleased and amused you, My Master. This is a special birthday and I know you are going to go through big changes this year. I am hopeful that my service is helpful to you and that you come through this challenging year stronger, wiser and excited about your future. You are a wonderful person and I am so glad you came into my life. Happy Birthday, My Lord and Master!

Weekly Update 3/15/20-3/22/20

Posted on by Avertas

“Why is my Toy, “often angry”?

Cuz shit pisses me off, of course, My Sir

And then I get over it and move on

“Shit”

“What sort of Shit, Princess?”

Stupid men, stupid work, stupid me

“Ok”

“Which do you have control over, J–?”

I don’t really know how to organize this. I think you want a sort of detailed account of everything but there is just so much that is happening in every sphere of my life right now it all blurs together. My brain doesn’t really focus on the past. I am a creature of the present and the moment I care about is the one that comes next. This is not necessarily a strength.

This week I got mad at you. Work and my personal life have been intensely stressful as the world slowly crumbles a bit and I’m in a position to have to respond to that actively rather than run away and hide like most people. Which I like. I want to help and to be part of the rescue although I am anxious just like everyone else. You felt a bit distant and seemed busy or that was my perception anyway. Maybe I was just more needy and was projecting. Probably, since I hate to admit being needy and would much rather blame the other person for not being available. I feel vulnerable when I am needy. I much prefer to rely on myself than others.

Part of feeling neglected was that you weren’t plugging me very much. One day it seemed like all you were talking to me about was finding you other chicks to fuck with. I am bisexual and I am very open to fucking other women, both on my own or with men. The problem I have had, and it’s been in almost every single relationship other than the one with my husband, is that the man gets so damn focused on the excitement of me being willing to do a threesome that they start to ignore me and my feelings about it. I don’t take well to being ignored. I yelled at you on text and you handled it well. But I still feel my emotions on this topic are valid. I just didn’t want to keep arguing with you about it. Once I make a judgement based on my own experience, it is hard to convince me I am wrong. But I get bored with arguments that seem like a waste of time and will simply bow to another in order to move on. I was texting with a friend who I deeply trust about our fight and he helped me a lot, just validating and reassuring me that you had not lost interest in me.

Later that night you told me that you had left me unplugged on purpose, presumable to force me to feel that lack of connection to you and how much I missed it. And, of course, I did and that trick worked. I had considered that it was intentional already. I don’t actually know if I believe that it was but maybe. It feels manipulative, honestly, particularly as this is a really difficult time for me. I know that is part of my training as your submissive. I don’t know how supportive to expect you to be. How interested you are in my day to day life and problems and how I am handling them. It fluctuates. This is a strange, new relationship for me. You’re not my boyfriend or really even my lover. You’re my Dom. I don’t know how you define that relationship. You knew I was having a challenging week and yet you decided to add stress by reducing our connection to make a point to me about my dependency on you. The point was made successfully, but the timing wasn’t ideal. But then again, perhaps doing this during a time of stress (and really there is no end in sight for that) just amplified my reaction and in the long run deepened my submission to you.

Another thing that happened this week is that I continued my conversation with my husband about you, his limits and my being plugged. All of which was good and confirms that we have a strong relationship and he is an amazing person who is so radical in loving me enough to give me freedom to explore this relationship with you. I feel very thankful for him and his acceptance and understanding, which always feels like a gift. I find it hard to talk to him about this part of me but it is getting easier as I keep doing it and he doesn’t reject me.

We fucked me with your plug in my ass for the first time. He knew it was there, since he felt it when he pushed up against my ass in bed in the morning. You had asked me to remain plugged all night after our disagreement and I was happy to do so. Its odd, texting you with your plug heavy in my ass and feeling him reach over to snuggle me in the morning. Feeling pulled in different directions and like I’m doing something wrong sometimes. The sex was good and I came twice, enjoying the feeling of him in my pussy and your plug in my ass. I didn’t know if I should bring it up with him before we started but I didn’t want to ruin the moment and I figured, he knew it was there and was initiating it so… Afterwards, I was still sitting on his cock and I took his hand and pulled it around my ass, making him physically feel the steel handle of the plug. “How do you feel about this?” And he told me it wasn’t that big of a deal, either physically during sex or psychologically for him. I really hope that is true. I will keep asking him and be open to his feedback and comfort with this. He is not that interested in using my ass, so maybe that helps.

Yesterday the phone sex was wonderful. Hearing your voice made me so happy. I know you want my “inner thoughts” but I have a hard time remembering when I go into subspace. Really I am not thinking anymore in that place. I get to stop. That is such a joy. You told me that the plug is grounding me to you and that every time I feel it I will feel grounded to you. And I do feel it. I heard your voice in my mind later in the day repeating those words and it was strange and frightening and wonderful. I could hear my own voice change yesterday when you put me into that dark, dreamy space, begging you without even a scrap of shame left, nothing holding me back, reveling in calling you My Master. Sex is the doorway to submission for me.

At the end of the call, I said goodbye and I used your real name. It just fell out of my mouth. The interesting thing is I had an immediate stabbing fear that you heard me. I almost clapped my hand over my mouth, like a little girl who swears in front of her parents. You ended the call without giving me a punishment or reacting and I didn’t know if you had chosen to ignore it or didn’t hear me. I kept thinking about that fear. How obedient I have become, pathetic as we say. Because you are not even here to beat me! I would have to beat myself, as you have made me do and I would completely accept that punishment and inflict it without hesitation. Hence my fear is a manifestation of my level of submission. That just makes me feel like a crazy person and worried that I have given you so much power. Writing about it now though, I recognize that the power is GIVEN. I would accept the punishment because it is fair and I agreed to this relationship and your rules.

I brought this whole event to your attention and you considered it and offered that I told you because I am becoming your slave and I know that you want my honesty. You asked me to consider why it happened before you would forgive me. I think it happened because we ended the call quickly and I was still coming up from subspace and just starting to feel normal again. My brain scrambling for a foothold and using your real name rather than My Master was just a quick way to reassure myself, “We’re equals, this is just a game I am choosing to play”. An unconscious defense, rebuilding the walls. It was a surprise then, but it makes total sense to me now. It was not intentional insolence or disrespect and I do hope you accept that and forgive me.