Tag: Switch

9/14/20-9/20/20

Posted on by Avertas

Good morning, My Master

Thank you for these images

It doesn’t appear likely that my hook obsession will be reduced in the future, My Master

The only thing I am more obsessed with is My Master’s beautiful, hard cock

“Along with your Owner’s wishes”

Your wishes are my desires, My Master

“That’s my Slave and my Property

I told you, that you would love the Hook”

Of course you were right, My Master

You know my mind and body so well

Bc it is all your Property

You pay attention to it and now you know what pleases it, My Master

“It’s not always about pleasing my Property

It’s usually about using it and having my cum drip from it

Marking it.

With cane or bite marks”

Yes, of course, My Master

But you are correct that the Hook pleases me, My Master

And being Used and dripping My Master’s cum will too

“Mmmmm

Filling my FC3.

….

As I record the cum dripping as I spank, cane, flog my slave

Would you like that gift, Slave *real name*”

Yes, My Master

I am your three-hole, FC Playground

I am your Property, My Master

__________________________________________

I wasn’t sure if it ever got to you, My Wolf

And I like them to be surprises if possible

“I know

Which I also love”

I know; a good Slave also pays attention to what pleases her Master

And I am blessed with a wonderful Master

I always want you to know how much I appreciate your Ownership of me, My Master

You have given me so much, My Lord

“Cum, My Property

Cum, you worthless, pathetic, Wonderful Treasure”

An Evening with Friends

I have gradually but consistently been introduced to several of your friends now, which has done a lot to reassure me that you are sincere in your interest in keeping me in your life upon your return. It has also been reassuring to meet other normal people who like you and have known you for years. I have been enjoying chatting with a friend of yours who is a female sub and we went out to breakfast together a week or so ago and got along quite well.

This week you asked if I would be interested in meeting a friend who does therapeutic hypnosis. I have some experience with hypnosis and love having novel experiences, so I was happy to agree to see him for help with my “anxiety”. He invited me over to his house and I arrived bearing two boxes of wine, as a gift from you, My Master and a bottle of rum as a gift from myself. We hit it off immediately and your friend, who is social and extroverted, made me feel right at home. Unexpectedly another friend of yours, also a Dom, was at the house with his female Sub/girlfriend and we were introduced. It was very fun to hear your friends teasing you and reminiscing about things you had done in the past. I like to learn more about you and understand you better. It also felt validating that things I enjoy or get frustrated about with you are similar to the observations and experiences of others who know you well. This makes me feel like perhaps my perception of you is more accurate than I had thought.

I had my hypnosis and your friend had some trouble identifying a target to work on with me, which he said was quite unusual for him. He eventually decided to have me do a vivid visualization and visit myself as a child, speak to my child self and embrace her, bringing her innocence and hopefulness back into my adult self. It was a lovely hypnosis and I was easily induced as I have done self hypnosis in the past. It was amusing that as we were doing hypnosis, we could clearly hear your Dom friend doing an impact session with his sub upstairs. It made me feel a bit jealous, to be honest my Master, but it also made me feel like I was with people who understood me.

We all drank more wine, a fire was built and cookies were eaten and a lively conversation was underway. Your friends were funny, welcoming and interested in me and there was a general sense of my being somewhat unexpected or atypical, although not in a bad way. They seemed to particularly like that I am a Switch and have a professional career. Your friend said that you, My Master, were “mistaken about me”, a comment I do not fully understand, but it makes me a little nervous, wondering what you have told them about me, My Master and what you think I am like. The female sub was quite pretty and very quiet and submissive; very different from your Slave, My Master. I paid her several compliments, hopefully tastefully, and enjoyed watching her. I got a little buzzed from all the wine and hopefully didn’t say anything too stupid. I realized it was getting late and switched to water so I would be safe to drive home.

Your Dom friend was particularly interested in my experiences as a Switch and that I have had a female Sub in the past. I went to use the bathroom and when I came back, he intercepted me alone in the kitchen, taking me by the arm and asking me privately if I would be interested in spanking his Sub. I was, of course, very flattered. And, as I am sure you are not surprised, I would have liked to do it, because I was attracted to her and it has been a long time since I got to play with a sub woman. The first thing I asked him was if he had your permission. When he told me that you hadn’t responded to his text asking, I realized that as fun as it might be, it was a bad idea. One, it was late and time for me to leave. Two, I felt like I didn’t necessarily want to have that be my first impression with your friends. Three, I was pretty horny and didn’t want to put myself in a situation where I would make a mistake. Several times that night I wished you were there with me but most of all at that moment. I would have loved to look to you for approval and permission, for guidance. You weren’t there in person, but you have shaped my mind, heart and behavior such that I knew what you would want from me. You are always with me now.

So, I did what I knew was the right thing and declined the tempting offer, gathered my things, thanked the gracious host and drove home after a lovely evening spent with new friends. Thank you for giving me a chance to grow closer to you through incorporating me more and more into your life, My Master. Thank you for all your hard work instilling more sexual self control into me and improving me so that I may bring you honor as your obedient and respected Slave.

Adventures with FC3

Earlier this week I finally received the anal hook I had ordered a month or so ago. Along with it I had ordered my first inflatable dildo with the intention of using it for anal play, although right now you have it blown up in FC2 while FC3 is plugged and I write this blog; putting delicious pressure throughout your stuffed holes with just a thread of discomfort. The tubing is lying against my slick clit and rubbing everytime I shift my weight and this is making me so horny. You are also tormenting me this morning with images of your cock pre and post grooming, so that your smooth balls and thick shaft are on my mind but sadly not yet in my mouth, where I want them to be so badly. I cannot wait to lick and suck them, on my knees, perhaps with a Kitten or Toy to help make it even more fun, our tongues swirling together over your hardness while we smile and suck and kiss.

You had suggested the anal toys to me a long time ago but it took a while for them to come. When I told you I finally had the anal hook, you immediately asked me to put it in, tie a rope harness and wear it to the store, which was intimidating as I had never tried a hook or a self tie before. I requested permission to play with it privately first, which you graciously granted. I had thought you might offer to play with me when I asked and received permission to use FC3 and my new toys on Friday night but sadly you did not. I do so miss direct play, My Master. While I enjoy texting and exchanging pictures and videos, nothing compares to being under your direct verbal instruction and your quick and vigorous correction.

You did ask me to send you photos of my play, which I appreciated, since of course, I was excited and who else could I share my explorations with but my Dom? I did a thorough cleanout of FC3, arranged to have some privacy and set up my room with my large mirror, towels, lube and my new anal hook, inflatable and the satisfier. I put on a hot pink quarter cup bra that exposed my nipples and a pair of suspender fishnets with no panties. I admired myself in the mirror and sent you a picture of my set up, then pulled out my Slave plug. I was aroused already by setting up; I enjoy the preparation phase and you had been edging me throughout the day while having me stare at an image of a beautiful naked man, fully erect, kissing a white woman while getting his dick sucked by a black woman who was staring up at him adoringly. I was texting you on and off throughout this play and you were responding pretty quickly, which really increased the fun for me.

I started by lubing up and inserting the inflatable into FC3. It was a little tricky to get the soft, floppy, slippery balloon-like dildo in place and I giggled trying to slide it in there unsuccessfully, but eventually I seated it and began pumping it up. The sensation was unique in that it doesn’t stretch FC3 open but rather fills the rectum and puts pressure on it. I pumped it up pretty high to see what I could tolerate and explore the sensation. You gave me permission to play with my aching clit and try to orgasm with it in but it did start to get uncomfortable which was distracting to me and you suggested letting it deflate a bit, which made it more pleasureable to me again. I loved how it looked plugged in FC3, with the hose coming out and my pink, wet FC2 beneath. I watched myself in the mirror, on my hands and knees, ass stuffed and stretched full and my fingers stroking my slippery folds, dipping in and out of FC2. I sent you this image and you told me to fuck FC3. I smiled and retrieved the dildo you suggested I use, removed the inflatable, which slipped out easily once deflated and started fucking your Property in its open, lubed up FC3, pushing the dildo in and out rhythmically while watching myself in the mirror and moaning in pleasure. I love seeing a woman get fucked in the ass, including myself, My Master.

The dildo I chose has lots of texture and the sensation of FC3 being stretched open again and again, with all the little nubs and grooves running over the sensitive, tight hole were maddeningly pleasurable. I wanted to cum just from how well I was fucking your FC3 but you had not given permission. I sent you a message thanking you for letting me use your fuck cunt and asking permission to have an anal orgasm, along with video of my activities. You granted me permission to cum twice, the first orgasm ripped through me as soon as I read the message and the second not far behind as I put the dildo on the ground and bounced up and down on it, slamming it deeply inside as I rode it until I came again so hard, feeling FC2 clenching and spasming in response to the rough abuse of FC3. I laughed in delight as I reached down and felt how dripping wet FC2 was, pussy juice covering my hand like snail slime.

Next, it was time for the hook. I have been preoccupied with using an anal hook since you first showed me an image of one months ago. Something I never even knew existed before you and certainly never would have had the courage to try. Look how far you have taken me, My Master! Initially hooks frightened me and excited me with the brutal way they look. Now I am definitely more excited by them than frightened although there is an element of humiliation (meat hook imagery) I appreciated and enjoy. And you know I love anal use, so it is no surprise that this toy is something I have been looking forward to trying. This one is a cheap thing, aluminum and light and with two exchangable head sizes for the ball at the end of the hook. I had showed it to you with the balls in the palm of my hand for reference and we agreed that the small one would be manageable for your FC3.

After the previous rigorous use, FC3 was well opened and after applying a little more lube, the hook slipped right in easily. I loved seeing FC3 stretch open to accept it and how it looked snug in between my round buttocks. It felt so good and I loved the way it pulled at FC3 when I moved. I had my shibari rope and fashioned a sloppy harness with it to hold the hook against my waist. I sent you pics and you expressed approval, then had me kneel and recite my Loyalty Mantra while staring into my own eyes in the mirror. Then you led me through some questions, reminding me that I was your Slave Property, that I was only to be used by yourself, my husband and my approved play partner/s (approved by you) and making me cum while I watched myself, kneeling and hooked. I put some clothing on top, a pair of jean shorts and a loose open neck sweater you had recently chosen for me and took pictures which I posted online for my own amusement, with no mention of the fact that I was secretly wearing the hook and harness underneath. You know how I love to feel like a naughty girl with a dirty secret, My Master.

The next day I was preparing to go shopping, and as is my habit (? rule), I texted to let you know, in case you had any Task you wanted me to do on the trip. You often use these shopping trips as convenient times for Public play, by having your FC2 and/or 3 stuffed with vibes, weights or dildos and giving me public orgasms or other tasks (kneeling, touching myself subtly etc). I enjoy this immensely and was not surprised at all when you told me I was going to take a “hook stroll” that day. I pulled out my Slave plug, lubed and inserted the hook again, this time attaching it to a slim leather belt to avoid a bulky rope harness under my clothing. I threaded the belt through the front loops of my jeans and threw on a modest cardigan. I sent you a pic of my work and you approved, telling me to post a pic of your hooked FC3 on Fet as a show of obedience which I immediately did.

FC3 was a bit sore and I had the belt tight, pulling hard on it so that it became quite painful by the time I entered the store. I was grimacing and struggling to remember my shopping list while enduring the humiliation and discomfort. I was surprised because I had not found the hook very painful the night prior but I realized that if I loosened the belt a bit, it became far more tolerable and even pleasurable again at times although mixed with pain from my now sore and tender FC3. I started texting with you in the store and you immediately began giving me commands to cum. Again and again you ordered me to orgasm while I walked around the store, feeling the hook shifting and pulling inside me, feeling the wetness begin to drip out of FC2 and soaking into my thong. I tried to hide what was happening as the store was busy and crowded. Men were watching me, chatting with me, in my tight jeans and low cut peasant blouse despite the modest cardigan on top. I felt tortured as every time you made me cum, FC2 and 3 would clench down, thus increasing the pain. Yet I was so aroused that I wanted more orgasms despite it. I felt frantic and slipping into subspace. I texted you and you took me farther, reminding me of my position in life and contrasting it with my current situation of a pathetic fuck puppet, hooked and cumming in her panties in public at her Master’s command. You had me rub my hooked ass against my cart for a count of 15, which I did, while a middle aged man twenty feet away looked for vitamins, feeling it moving up and down, wiggling in the sore, abused, stretched hole, so sensitive now to even the tiniest sensations. When you texted that I was your Slave and always being trained by you, My Master, it just catapulted me right into subspace and I had an intense impulse to kneel in obedience and service. You had me do so, briefly but correctly, on the hard tiles of the store and you made me cum a final time like that, completely at your mercy and consumed. When I got home, I sent you a picture of my soaked through panties and you called me a Slut. The next morning you thoughtfully asked how FC3 was feeling and if I had slept well. You are so wonderful, My Master. I don’t want anyone or anything else. How can you know so well what I need? You are just right for me.

Weekly Update 7/19/20-7/26/20

Posted on by Avertas

“I just read a WONDERFUL TASK for you, Pet”

Oh boy

What do you have in mind, My Master

“Ready”

Yes, My Master

“This will test a few things”

I’m listening

“You will drink 1 gallon of water.

Wear panties.

Wait for 20-30 minutes…Until you have to pee.

I would prefer you go outside and

Then edgex3 Countdowns from 30.

On the last Countdown, you can cum at 15 and again at 0.

(You might want to bring a towel…)”

Shame

Lately I have been thinking a lot about shame. Specifically the shame that I feel not infrequently about my high sexual drive, my Slut nature, my Slave nature and my kinks and the problems these things cause for the people I love. The truth is that when I am able to indulge in these aspects of my self, it feels wonderful and true. I fall into them so naturally and easily when I allow myself to do so. The energy and the flow state I can enter is irresistible to me. I don’t know where it comes from, sometimes it feels like I am channeling the deep feminine sexual energy of the universe, raw and torrential. My partners can feel it too and they respond in a variety of ways depending on personality.

Recent events that have triggered shame in me include being rejected by my female friend after our date last week during which I disclosed that I had an open marriage and was a sub to you. She sent a cool and brief text which stated that she wanted us to remain platonic, followed by some banal, superficial conversation. Internally, I felt again the great divide between myself and the other women I know, who report that they “could never do” all the things that I do quite easily, that I love to do. This difference makes me feel like such a weirdo and a freak. I feel like I ruined that friendship by saying who I really was and sharing my true self. I always worry that once people really know me fully they will be horrified and reject me. To be frank, that’s pretty much what happened. It was so good to talk to you about it and thank you for helping me process these thoughts, My Master. It was great to be able to turn to you for emotional support and for guidance, which in the past I would have been reluctant to ask you for. I sometimes worry that you are so accustomed to kink and BDSM that you fail to realize how shocking many of the ideas and acts you take for granted still are to the vanilla world. You overstepped a few times with me early on and it pushed me away. I feel like that is what happened with my friend. Not to say that I think we ever would have ended up in a relationship, but I think there may have been less damage.

Another time I have felt shame this week was talking to a friend online who is in the Lifestyle. I was discussing my relationship with my husband and how I wish that I could be more “normal” in both my sexual drives and tastes as this would make me a better wife and partner for him. I teared up a bit as I related the struggles I have put us through as a couple that I know he would never have had to face if he had married someone else. My friend told me to celebrate what made me different from other women, to try to see it as a strength, to focus on the positive things it has brought to my marriage like more freedom and excitement for my husband compared to most men. My husband has reassured me multiple times himself that he loves me and accepts me. Maybe I just don’t love and accept myself. Because I don’t feel that way about these aspects of myself sometimes. There are times when I think about just going on some medication that would dull my drive and make me less interested in sex. Perhaps I am afraid of what will happen if I keep exploring and empowering these parts of me. They can be so powerful and destructive. I can hurt people; I have hurt you and I am worried that the things I enjoy in BDSM will hurt and disgust my husband, especially as you begin to expose me to new things.

The new task you gave me this week is the first time that we have explored piss play/watersports; a kink I have been curious about. I think it is likely something I will enjoy, particularly when in combination with verbal and physical degradation/humiliation under your control. I don’t recall how I scored piss play in the initial kink assessment you had me do when you were considering me as your sub but I am guessing it was in the “interested but don’t have to have it” category. Maybe it was even lower than that; my openness to kinks and new experiences has increased significantly under your guidance, My Wolf.

As instructed that night, I drank glass after glass of water while chatting online with a Lifestyle friend who knew about the task and was amused by my first attempt. Once I started feeling impulses to use the bathroom, I slipped out of my shorts and tiptoed outside into my suburban back yard. It was late and the neighborhood was peaceful and empty. I was wearing just briefs and a Tshirt. You had instructed me to wear something fuller coverage than my usual g string panty so that I would feel the wetness more on my skin. You instructed me later that if I didn’t wet myself cumming in my panties I was to either stand with my legs together or lay down in the grass and empty my bladder, then stay there for a count of 100, “going over your mantras”. I had brought the required toys out with me for the edging and I found a dark corner of the yard and started playing with your clit, first with my fingers, then with the Satisfier, then with the Focus which creates intense and pinpoint clit stimulation. My bladder was aching and full and with the first orgasm at count fifteen I felt a small splash of urine wetting FC2 and running down my bare legs into the grass. I took a deep breath and kept going…15-14-13-12-11-10-9-8…I was moaning softy and gently moving the focus over your sensitive clit again and again in circles, so close to cumming yet riding the edge as you have trained me to do so carefully. 7-6-5-4, I felt my pelvic muscles straining to hold my bladder while at the same time want to let go completely as the orgasm began to ripple beneath the surface. 3-2-1…a gush of urine as I stood there gasping and cumming harder and harder, feeling the warm liquid soaking into my panties and dripping down my legs. I fell to my knees in the dirty, piss covered grass and felt the mosquitoes begin to bite as the last waves of the orgasm faded. I looked up at the moon and listened to the quiet night, alone in the darkness. I remembered my Mantras and whispered quietly into the warm summer air that I was Slave *real name* and that was owned by Master *real name*. That I was his Property and his Playground. That pleasure and pain was your Right. That this pathetic Cunt belonged to you, regardless if plugged, harnessed or collared.

I felt very young, mildly regressed, a little silly but not upset or distressed by the experience. I cleaned up and changed into dry clothing. I wanted to send you a picture of my wet panties and my legs all covered in the grass marks pressed into them from kneeling but I remember that you told me not to send any pictures this time, to focus on the experience and write about it for you. I laid down and felt even more like a little girl, tired out after a long day but at peace. I curled up in a ball and felt your plug in FC3, always with me, so reassuring and wished I had my wand to vibe it as you allow me to do when I want to relax. Instead I hooked a finger through the loop of the handle and wiggled it gently. If you had been there I would have liked to suck your fingers then. I looked at a picture you had sent me of yourself earlier that day. It was taken at an extremely low angle and you filled the screen, looking down, looming large, the only thing filling the world with nothing but the blue sky behind you…My Lord. I kissed the picture on my phone, laughed a little at myself and went to sleep.

I didn’t feel ashamed while doing the task, but I do anticipate shame about it as people I know are able to read about it in this post, including my husband. I know these are things that confuse and repel most people and it is very hard for me to share them outside of my relationship with you and, of course, whomever you would choose for me to engage with. This kind of task is just the tip of the iceberg for me. I don’t know what I am capable of, but it is more than most. That makes me feel scared and like there is something wrong with me. I love it but I have doubts and trouble accepting it. I am grateful that I have you as my Owner to help me, step by step, in finding my way, showing me things slowly, enjoying and developing the very qualities I find frightening and teaching me how to better contain them so that they are less destructive. The energy you put into my training and discipline, the affection you show me when I have pleased you, the understanding you have of my needs, often better than my own, all bring me to my knees with my mind, heart and body eager to learn and open to your influence and power.

Weekly Update 7/12/20-7/19/20

Posted on by Avertas

“We are all set, love! I’m happy to see you!!”

“I am too 🙂

Thank you for setting this up

And one thing

No nonsense about me paying

Understand?

This is my treat”

“You’re silly. I’m just happy to spend time with you :)”

Good

Me too

But I don’t want to hear a word about the bill

And I’m not going to say it again”

__________________________________________

“Let me know when you arrive

Then keep up dated on the direction it’s going”

Yes, My Lord

“Good.

You will give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek when you meet”

Yes, My Master

—————————————————————–

I stopped myself from kissing her mult times, My Master

“Why?”

When I took the picture I had my hand around her waist and was rubbing her

The waiter totally thought we were girlfriends 🙂

BC she told me she would be tormented with guilt if she did anything

And he couldn’t handle it

And all kinds of other nonsense

“But why didn’t you”

While staring at me with lust in her yes and letting me do whatever I want

BC I’m a good fucking person

“My pathetic weak willed Slave

is A GOOD PERSON”

Well…fine

Thank you, My Master

“The rest is on Her”

Yes, it is

I told her to tell her husband everything

A Date

A woman I know as a friend has been increasingly flirtatious. She knows I am bisexual and she has always had a submissive attitude towards me. Over the past few weeks she has fairly transparently indicated an interest in me and eventually she asked me out to dinner. I haven’t been on a date for a long time, as I only see my play partner sporadically and we do not date. I mentioned it to you and you told me that you would have a task for me that night. In my texting with this woman, I intentionally took on a dominant tone. I wanted to see how she would respond to that and also how I would feel about it. I enjoyed it very much and it felt good to be in the position of authority and control, rather than the needy, insecure feeling I often have as a Sub.

The night of the date, I texted you that I was getting ready to go and asked about the task. You told me to put in the Hush and I raised an eyebrow. However, I am ever your obedient Slave and I am always up for your kinky adventures so I complied, heavily lubing it up and replacing the nJoy which usually fills your FC3. The Hush is much less comfortable for long term wear although I have developed some tolerance for it and knew it wouldn’t be too bad. I was aroused and nervous, which is how you often make me feel, My Master. And curious, of course, to see what you were up to.

You started to give me directions about how to behave on the date. How to greet her, what to tell her about my lifestyle. I will be honest that I initially balked. The first image that sprung to my mind was that of a puppet. You have never directly controlled me in my interactions with others before and it was a new level of submission for me that was both uncomfortable and erotic. I also felt like it presumed that you would have influence and control over my relationship with this woman and/or other potential subs and I’m not sure about where my limits are with that yet. On one hand I absolutely appreciate your support and advice as an experienced Dom to help me. I am also your devoted and obedient Slave and pleased to follow your will and commands. On the other hand, I want to develop my own sub and honor whatever dynamic develops between us, which will be different, of course, than our own. I know that this conversation is premature, but it is something simmering in my mind and it will come up again as we both explore what it means for me to move outside of only the submissive role and for you to use me as a Switch.

The date was interesting. She continued to flirt, stare at me longingly and use pet names. I continued to look as hot as humanly possible, boss her gently around and generally seduce her. Which was, of course, effective. I stroked her hair, I ordered her drink, I posed provocative questions and gave genuine compliments. I made her laugh, I took her picture and rubbed the side of her body. She loved all of it. Finally I called her out and asked her to tell me how she was feeling about me. She admitted that she was very attracted to me and I was not misreading her signals. I reminded her that I was bisexual, explained that I had an open marriage and, per your request, told her that I was in the lifestyle and served a Dom. I questioned her situation and she explained that she had always thought she was strait until she started developing feelings for me and that she felt strongly that her husband would not tolerate her having a sexual relationship with me. She had not discussed it with him directly but he knew that she was interested, essentially warning her to behave while on this date. She said she would be tortured with guilt if she did something that he wouldn’t like and that he was an insecure person who wouldn’t want her to have a side relationship with a woman. I listened to her and supported her dedication and commitment to her marriage, feeling thankful that my own husband is a much braver and mature man.

This information about her husband put me in a difficult position about moving forward. I texted you updates and you gave me feedback. You also told me to turn on the Hush…and tell her that it was on. Oh, My Master. You have no idea how uncomfortable and humiliating that was. Here I am, trying to Domme and you make me admit that I have a plug buzzing in my ass (which felt incredible btw)! I tried to figure out how to casually work that into conversation, which I did on the ride home, where I had my hand on her thigh, gently circling my thumb and desperately resisting the urge to slide it higher, press it against her crotch and hear her moan. I told her about the Hush and that it was at your command and the poor thing was so overwhelmed I don’t think it even registered. I dropped her off at home and did not kiss her good night, respecting her limits, even as she paused and looked at me, wanting me to do it.

Afterwards you and I texted and I felt a little strange. I felt shame about my level of sexual need and being a “freak”. This comes up for me sometimes, as you know. It was probable triggered by comparing myself to this “normal” woman who was so innocent and simple in her life. Many times I wish I could be more like the other women around me but then I would never trade my exciting, crazy life for theirs, would I? You reassured me and you also explored with me why I had restrained myself from fully pursuing this woman after she told me about her restrictions due to her marriage. You know I have trouble with sexual boundaries. This is an area you are working to help me improve. You praised me for not taking what I could have and for being a good person. Then you made me cum so hard and so many times, sitting in the dark car on the side of the road as you turned the Hush higher and higher until I was trembling with need and FC2 was soaking wet, my legs wide open, moaning in pleasure, clutching my breasts.

Thank you , My Lord for such an interesting and challenging evening. You treat me so differently than anyone else I have ever met. You push me and I feel uncomfortable at times but I am feeling more and more that I can put myself in your hands and trust the experience. I still have that moment of wanting to fight for control but now I see it and I intentionally release it, bow my head and follow you.

Plugged Slave

Recently my husband and I have been discussing the impact of my being plugged on him. I have been sensitive to this since you first told me that I would remain plugged essentially at all times outside of work. My husband initially expressed little concern about it and even told me he didn’t mind it during sex. However, over time, his feeling have grown more mixed. I have been trying to get him to explain his thoughts and feelings about it to me and bringing the topic up more often to encourage him. The plug is a very important symbol of my Slave status. It is essentially my collar right now. Last night we went on a date, which he had expressed really looking forward to, although, interestingly he was too distracted by work this week to remember to get a babysitter or reservations. However we did discuss that and he apologized and confirmed he did really want to go out with me. He got a sitter set up and I found a romantic restaurant and a place for drinks afterwards down on the water.

I texted him the locations as well as telling him that I wouldn’t wear panties. This is something I don’t normally do but I thought it would be playful and sexy. He has been expressing more and more of an interest in wanting to do more kinky things with me and I am trying to introduce elements that I think would work well in our current loving and vanilla relationship. Like many men, he expresses a desire to “try anything” but it is clear to me that some of the things I have him try do not really appeal to him or excite him. Which is totally fine and valid but it is a process of trial and error to see what might excite him. Sometimes I feel disappointed when I see the confirmation that he doesn’t really enjoy a lot of the kinks that I do.

I showered and shaved my entire body and wore a sexy, short, off the shoulder dress and high heels. When I was getting ready, I considered not putting in my plug as it was a special night with my husband, but I felt that I wanted to wear it (as I always do). I found it very naughty and arousing to be both bare bottomed and with the plug in place. I bent over and looked in the mirror at your bare FC2 and the silver handle in FC3 with my long tan legs in heels and knew that view would drive most men insane. I imagined what would happen if I got a little tipsy and wasn’t careful with my legs or if I stumbled and flashed everyone. Of course, those thoughts of being exposed, humiliated and yet sexually objectified were very exciting for me. You had also been edging me aggressively all through the day and I was generally in a very sexual frame of mind.

The date was great and we had a lively, honest and deep conversation as we always do. We are wonderful companions and he is a man of intelligence, taste and humor. He also looked hot and I kept hoping he would take advantage of the situation and run his hand up under my dress and make me cum but he did not. That his not his style and sometimes I struggle to accept that. After we left the last place, having had cocktails and delicious desserts in a beautiful room full of beautiful people right on the water, I began kissing him aggresively and pulled his hands onto my ass. In the car he finally began rubbing my pussy and I was moaning and asked him what he wanted, which was to go home and have sex.

It was on the way home that he told me he was having mixed and fluctuating feelings about my wearing the plug. That it was intrusive and distracting mentally for him and he wished I had not worn it that night. He freely admitted that he had given mixed signals and I expressed understanding of why that might be. I asked specifically what I could change that would make him more comfortable with it and he said for now, just not to wear it on dates with him or, if possible, during sex, which of course I agreed. I again encouraged him to tell me directly to take it out when he wants me to. I did explain that I like to wear the plug, which surprised him as he felt it was being done out of obedience only. I again confirmed that I could take it out easily any time he requested and that it would not be a problem.

I spent a lot of time reinforcing that our marriage is precious and important and that I love him deeply and want us to continue to have an open conversation about how my participation in the lifestyle effects him. I also reinforced how deeply you respect our marriage and told him how you always take time to check on how things are going for us and never try to change or direct me in my interactions with him. He is struggling with me and my needs and I will continue to be attentive and careful. I feel guilty that as his partner I am not a better fit for him and that because he is with me he is often pushed outside his comfort zone and into challenging emotional spaces. I worry that my behaviors and sexual preferences makes him feel stressed and inadequate. He is a rare and brave man for staying with me despite what I ask of him.

Weekly Update 6/1/20-6/7/20

Posted on by Avertas

I have never been a Slave before, My Master

Please take pity on me

I am bound to make mistakes

This was a big one

Please help me

Indentify Mantra
I AM A WHINY WEAK-WILLED PATHETIC SLUT. I do NOT know what I WANT. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT I AM. I WANT TO: BE OWNED. Belong to My Master, My Lord, My Wolf. Be his Pathetic Slave Slut. But I AM: STUPID. DISOBEDIENT. Weak-willed. Whiny.

Tentative

This has been a strange week, My Master. I have put all my energy into recovering from the tumultuous events of last week when I broke your limits with my play partner and damaged your trust in my obedience and devotion to you. I had some time off this week and you have given me my new tasks. All of my new rituals and mantras feature criticism for my weak-willed, disobedient slut nature and emphasize that I could lose you if I am not careful. You have been changeable towards me this week, understandably so. At times you thaw, at other times you remain cold and distant. So I wait here in limbo, on my knees, practicing my patience. You know that is not my strength, My Master. My strengths seems to be evaporating in front of my eyes. Makes me wonder how real they ever were…

After you read the blog on Monday, I though you would soften towards me. I had laid out my counter argument beautifully, I thought. But in our text conversation you persisted in your anger at my disobedience, frustrating me with your high expectations for me and pointing out that I understood that a Slave should be obedient and that I am intelligent and well educated. Which in my experience, are fairly useless attributes when it comes to making good life decisions. With no other way to escape the heavy burden of guilt and regret I have settled into the long haul of earning back some of your faith in your useless, reckless Slave through careful obedience, continued honesty and making every effort to show you my appreciation for having you in my life.

The new tasks involve a lot of public play requiring creativity, planning extra effort, boldness and accepting some risk of discovery. I have found them interesting and challenging as I made my first efforts at them this week. These three public tasks are balanced by more private daily rituals around plugging and unplugging FC3 requiring me to kneel, look at myself in the mirror and reflect and reinforce my Slavehood and your ownership. Not suprisingly, I look forward to these daily moments very much as they make me feel close to you and at peace with myself. The most challenging task, Full, is a variant on the birthday task you made for me but you have modified it somewhat. I must fuck all three of your fuck cunts continuously for forty strokes within five minutes. Recently you added that I must lick your balls at the bottom of the stroke in FC1 which led to a great deal of spitting up and even a few strait up vomiting episodes during my last attempt at this task. I’m glad that you gave me the new tasks this week as they have given us something to work on together that is somewhat neutral and I have been able to demonstrate my service to you by completing them with enthusiasm.

My innermost feelings are mostly centered around anxiety this week as I still feel so uncertain about our bond. I feel like I am reaching, longing for you, begging you to bring your Lamb back into your care and control but I can feel your resistance to letting your guard down. That kills me, My Master and I feel so guilty and remorseful that I failed you. I don’t know what else I can do. I have been trying everything I can think of to show you how much I regret what I did. I never want to disrespect you or dishonor my Master. I want to serve you only and be worthy of your attention and use. I don’t believe in God, but I pray to you that you will forgive me whole heartedly someday once you feel that I have been adequately punished for my disobedience.

Slave Sister

Somewhat randomly I have begun communicating with one of your other subs, a woman on the other side of the world who also calls you Master. She is sweet at least on initial meeting and expresses excitement about having a Slave Sister. Immediately it was clear to me that I was alpha to her and she agreed and has spent the last few days sitting at my feet (symbolically) while I play with her hair and we chat of minor things. It has been a nice reminder of what I enjoy about having a submissive without the burden of the intense dependency and need for attention and support of truly having a committed sub. I don’t know if anything will come of it but I appreciate your permission for us to continue to explore that dynamic and the opportunity to again feel my own Dominant nature since I have been enjoying allowing myself to sink so deeply into the Submissive role with you.

I have recently been feeling an increasing interest in having a woman again. I was definitely not ready to be a domme in my last relationship with a woman and I learned a lot from that relationship, both about pitfalls in BDSM and poly. I have matched a few women on Tinder and OkCupid recently but after a few texts I’ve been shy about actually moving forward with meeting them. Women are often intense and emotional. They want another woman to be both best friends and lovers and expect lots of attention. My last girlfriend was fine with my husband but absolutely hated that I had other male lovers. I felt a lot of shame from her for my choices in my sexual and romantic relationships and it was frustrating to have to argue with her about it all the time. I guess I’m just worried that future relationships with women will be similarly demanding and distract me from serving you as a Slave which is my primary focus and goal right now. And with our recent difficulties with me taking on a play partner I have been shooing off potential connections, male or female, until things feel more settled between us.

I feel like I have already learned so much from you about how to be a good Dom. I know that time will be coming for me, when I am ready to commit to it someday, of taking my own sub, either male or female. I feel very lucky that you embrace my switch nature and are open to allowing me to explore that with your other subs under your guidance someday. I feel like that could be such a rich and exciting dynamic, personally. And even just in text and imagination I have found the idea of kneeling with another woman at your feet is exciting, especially if you let me use her as well. So many wonderful things you have brought into my life, My Master and I know you have so much more. You are the first person to ever really push my sexual limits and we have never even met! I can only imagine the incredible growth I will experience when we are together, My Lord.

Slave

Posted on by Avertas

March 7th, 2020

I am enjoying talking with you, learning from you and yes,

being under your control at times with my agreement

You said last night that when I was talking and engaged with you directly that I was owned by you

Including my body and the experiences of my body

And I both agreed to and enjoyed that immensely

This is one of the hard things to admit to.  Because it would shock everyone to know, everyone who knows me in “the real world”, as if this isn’t real.  You began so slyly with this, I see now how you have been preparing and I did see it coming.  I even told my friend that you were going to ask to be called Master soon.  I could feel it. 

During sex, during chats, you became increasingly more clear in your language of ownership.  When I went to meet another Dom, it was clear you were unhappy despite allowing it because you understood why I wanted to explore that option.   I can’t forget you telling me, firmly, strongly, as I was on the cusp of cumming that you put your collar around my neck. Telling me to feel it there.  Because I was owned.  Not just my clit and my holes, which I gave you relatively easily, but my whole person.  That was the most subbed out you have made me yet, after that orgasm, after that abuse.  I was floating, my mind scrubbed clean.  I felt like a child, drowsy and safe. 

So…I have let you be master and I have fallen into the pit.  Oh I want to be here and that is the most confusing part of all.  You say it is natural to me.  That it is the counterweight to all the power and responsibility of the rest of my life.  That you are just responding to me.  That I want to be the slave.

The thing is my feelings are so fluid and sometimes I am horrified by this, by what I am, by what I am doing.  Where does this end?  What is wrong with me?  Why can’t I stop?  I don’t even want to stop.  Stopping is the last thing I want.  Is this an addiction?  A friend, who knows a little about this relationship, looked frightened when I told her about this, when I nervously laughed and said “slave”.  Asked me if this was a good idea, if I was safe.  I don’t know what to tell her.   It’s not safe or normal to be a slave.  Sometimes it scares me and sometimes it pleases me immensely and I even feel proud to be your slave.  It is easy though.  If I let it be, if I don’t fight against it, it is so easy to obey, to kneel, to open, to suck, to endure.  I still don’t know what that means or how to live with it.

Sex

Posted on by Avertas

March 5th, 2020

Good night, my slave slut

Good night, Sir, thank you very much for that experience

Something that has completely taken me by surprise has been the quality of the sexual experiences I have had with you.  Our first full experience was incredibly intense and novel for me.  You had already made me send you a picture of all my sex toys and obviously the majority of our conversations have been sexual.  So I thought I knew what to expect.

I was home alone and you had me prepare my body by putting my plug in at 8:30 pm.  I loved the strict time given, the sense of anticipation and control of it.  Control over me.  You told me to have ready my wand, my glass butt plugs, nipple clamps, wearing my njoy plug.  I chose to wear a black lace bra, g string and garter belt and black heels.  You told me to have a bowl of ice water and a bowl of warm water ready. 

I remember you were late for some reason, an exercise class went over or something distracted you.  I was kneeling at the end of my bed, towel spread with all the toys waiting, staring at my phone like a devotee at a shrine.  I was a toy waiting as well.  The water went cold and I got bored and started texting my friends.  Amused that they had no idea of what I was actually doing and wearing while we chatted about their day. 

Finally you called me and we began.  Your voice is perfect for this play.  Dry and calm and masculine.  I had placed my large mirror so I could watch myself throughout.  Your directions were clear and specific.  You had me vibrate my plug with the wand, feeling that amazing sensation through my ass and pelvis for the first time, then switch between rubbing the wand up and down my already wet slit and vibrating the plug.  You had me caress my body, something I rarely do while masturbating, pinch and twist my nipples.  All the time asking me who I belong to, who owns this cunt, does it feel good, slut?  And always, Yes, Sir.  Yes, Sir. 

You had me cool the glass plugs and fuck my own ass with them, the sensation completely new and exciting, then had me shove them all the way in, I remember wincing a bit as I was tight from lack of use.  You taught me to count as I slapped my pussy, always remembering to add your title.  I fucked my pussy, fingered my clit, stimulated my g spot all at your direction, all on my knees, all tied up.  Not yet in cuffs, in collar but in your words and demands.   For the first time I was not able to cum at my own leisure but when you said I could.  For the first time, I begged you for something with true sincerity, with desperation in my voice.  Despair when you started at twenty, joy when you practically shouted, “CUM, my slave slut”.

I know you want to know how it feels to me.  My emotions, not just my pleasure, not just how my body responded to your expert manipulation of my clit and my holes.   I felt anxious and eager when we started.  Surprisingly, or perhaps not, during sex my obedience weighs lighter on me.  Perhaps when my thinking mind is overwhelmed by pleasure and pain I can struggle less against my pride and my fear.  I don’t remember having an urge to resist you at all.  I wanted to see where you would take me.  I wanted to know if you could make me feel connected to you and disconnected from everything else.  I wanted to know if you could fulfill me and sate my hunger.  And you did.

The orgasms that night were intense.  Both times I came so hard I pushed out the plugs, much to your amusement and delight.  Rolling waves that had me literally writhing on the ground in my lingerie, gasping in air and moaning.  I felt immense gratitude towards you afterwards, respect for your skill, honored that you took the time with me and hope.  Hope that we could have something better than I ever thought possible despite the limitations.

The Struggle

Posted on by Avertas

February 25th, 2020

TBH, I’m still on the fence about engaging with you, Sir But apparently I’ve decided to give you another chance

Right from the start I felt the pull of it.  The desire to be on my knees, the urge to call you “Sir”, the premonition that you would eventually ask for “Master”.  I sent you a picture of myself on my knees fairly early on.  You didn’t even ask for it and my position was technically incorrect but you didn’t correct me, just praised me and I’m sure smiled, seeing how naturally I followed my instincts.  I also introduced titles early, as I complimented you on the names you were using for me, “Pet”, “Little Girl”, “Kitten”.   You allowed me to title you “Sir” and then trained me to use it to speak to you with respect.

But there were many times where I balked.  The first time you asked me who was a submissive slut I left it unanswered by text.   Your interest in more public displays of power over me terrified me as I need great discretion from my lovers.  Sometimes it seemed that you didn’t appreciate that, despite my insistence.   You spoke about the future and my participation and obedience in a variety of extreme sexual acts with total confidence that I would agree.

About a week in I almost ended it.  I told you it wasn’t going to work for me and thanked you for your time.  You had sent me an image of hard bondage with the woman fully immobilized, gagged, clothespins on her nipples and a vibrator strapped to her clit.   I told you it looked scary and that I was claustrophobic.  You told me it was wonderful and that if I was in that position you would make me worship your ass.   I didn’t respond to you but I messaged my friend that I felt you were not listening to me, that you were not tuned into my responses and it felt like a red flag.  He agreed that I should be careful and consider pulling back.   When I talked to you again, you were rational and reassuring.  You apologized and sent me more pictures of yourself and told me more about you as a person.   Once I engaged with you again, you quickly reminded me to use titles and I felt the grip of you on my mind once more. 

The Beginning

Posted on by Avertas

February 21st, 2020

During sex, if I’m with a dominant male, I’m compliant and obedient

and I enjoy that very much

Especially if I trust him and feel connected It’s kind of like being high

As I write this, ass plugged and a bobbie pin on my clit per your instructions, it has been just shy of a month since we began.  And it feels both ridiculous and perfect that I am here now, arriving of my own free will at a destination I would never have anticipated, guided by your hand, but every step taken on my own. 

We met by chance and your handsome, smirking face.  My side relationships were drying up and I went fishing on OkCupid for a new lover.  I had been pondering exploring BDSM , something I had always been interested in but never had the guts to really try.  And a few recent sexual experiences had confirmed that I did enjoy power play, both as a submissive and sometimes as a dominant.  You clearly identified yourself as a Dom and we began talking.

“The good news and the bad news” as you put it, was that you were away, far away and would be for a long time.  I have never accepted a long distance relationship.  I want flesh and touch and chemistry.  But….I didn’t have anything else to do and you were interesting, compelling and I decided it would do no harm to keep talking to you.  Maybe I would even learn something.

In the beginning you made several missteps with me.  Reading our texts, I understand now why you asked about my sexual preferences so early, but at the time it felt abrupt and intrusive.  You almost immediately began sending me obscene sexual images and having me rate them in terms of desire from zero to five.  I playfully accused you of data gathering and making a file on me.  I also consented, telling you “I will play your game”.  Of course, now I know you don’t need a file because you used all of that information immediately to begin training me.  And I would grow to love your game.