“O.
I do take your thoughts into consideration, Pet
But I make the final decision, my Slave”
Thank you, My Master
That is how I humbly prefer it
“Of course
You are a worthless pathetic slave
You need to be on your belly
You need to crawl
You need to relax”
Thank you for understanding what I need so well, My Master
It is a challenge and a pleasure to serve you, My Lord
“Of course
Feel my hand slap your face when you challenge me
Feel it push you down on your belly, then the sting of the belt across your pathetic ass”
I always feel you in my mind and on my body, My Master
Your Property lies on the ground chastened and sore, My Master
“Cum
Pathetic worthless fuck toy”
Expanding Control
As we are slowly coming out of quarantine I have resumed my search for an appropriate play partner. Before our relationship I had been looking for a Dom, a need I no longer have. My emotional needs are well taken care of by my loving and attentive husband. So really all I am looking for is a fun, sexual relationship with a reasonable guy. In the past I have found partners off of normal dating sites (Tinder/OKC) but my Fet account has been more active recently and I have had several local Dom/Bulls approach me with compliments and offers to play. The benefits to me of finding a partner in this manner is that they will presumably be more familiar with BDSM and understanding of our unique relationship, something other vanilla men might find off putting.
I messaged two of these men, both in their early 30s and labeling themselves as Bulls and both responded with interest. When I made you aware of these potential play partners you immediately told me you would need to be in contact with them before I was allowed to have any physical contact. Although this was difficult for me, I decided to embrace an opportunity to practice submitting to you, not just sexually but in terms of allowing you to control more of my sex life outside of just between you and I. This has been both an erotic and frustrating experience for me. As I enjoy sexual objectification, the idea of you negotiating the terms in which another strange man might use your holes is arousing. However, being that you are both dominant males, coming from different generations, it has also been rather amusing and annoying to watch you both butt heads and swing cocks while quietly calming each of you down from the sidelines. Finally, after several messages, screen shots and a phone call between us, I had permission to meet the Bull. He was young, calm, open minded, respectful and expressed interest in seeing me again later this week. I am pleased as he is physically attractive to me and I think he would benefit from a relationship with an older woman as well.
This week we also established and negotiated new limits on my participation in more casual online sexual relationships. As you know I like a lot of attention, praise and sex so one way I get those needs filled is through occasional very casual sexting and lewd pic exchanges on the internet. Some of these relationships are slowly deepening into true friendships as well. However, I have been feeling increasingly uneasy as some of the men I talk with are dominants and a few are clearly attempting to recruit me as their sub despite my always being clear that I am a claimed Slave. I do not disclose your identity to anyone, although I have been asked (a practice which has led other Doms to criticize you as a fuckboy, BTW). I do not send full nudes, although there is one vanilla man that I have considered doing so, again something I felt I needed your guidance on. I don’t feel that I should send pictures of your holes to other men without your knowledge and approval.
You seemed slightly amused when I brought all this to your attention but once I explained why I was feeling uncomfortable you agreed with the need for limits and we agreed on four casual sexting partners and that I could only send pictures/videos with underwear/bikini level of exposure. You also pointed out that I was giving you more power over my sexual activity outside our relationship, but as you can see from my thought process, you already had that power. This just helps me feel reassured that nothing I am doing would displease you, My Master. It has been well accepted by the men I chat with that My Master has placed these limits on me. If anything, they admire your hold on me.
Doubt
One of the Doms I had been talking to online was increasingly relentless in his pursuit this week and although I am not interested in him as my Dom and I have stopped talking to him, he did successfully identify an area of insecurity in my feelings about you which I have been discussing with two trusted friends. I am insecure about how much you actually enjoy having me as a sub and if you find my body attractive.
Where does this come from? Well, first I personally have a ton of baggage about my desirability as a woman, which you are aware of and I need a lot of reassurance about this. This is part of what feeds my praise kink. So I fully acknowledge that a lot of this is my own shit. However, that being admitted there are patterns in your behaviors and our relationship which have increased my anxiety about this…
You don’t ask for images of me and if I send them you rarely comment or praise them. For example, I sent two very explicit video clips late one night, which I imaged you enjoying if you woke during the night, as I know you sometimes do. In the morning you never mentioned them or expressed any enjoyment in receiving them until I asked, which was a disappointment as I had hoped you would like them. I have no idea if this is an intentional “Dom” behavior to show that my body has no influence over you and to diminish my sense of power to manipulate you with it.
I observe the images you are drawn to online and I feel like I am not really your “type” which tends to a young girl with a thin build. I do think my body, while it has many flaws, is attractive and sensual but I worry that it doesn’t appeal to your aesthetic preferences. While I fully understand that we can be attracted to and enjoy relationships with people who are not our ideals this is something that causes me anxiety, heightened by the fact that you (intentionally or not) rarely compliment my physical body.
When we first started our relationship, you teased me about being in a frenzy as a newbie to the lifestyle but sometimes I feel that you are even more frenzied than me. You are searching for new relationships, contacts, opportunities for sexual experiences. You mock my sexual appetite but you have your own deep hunger that my own service will never sate. You are ravenous, My Wolf and I have at tendency to interpret that as meaning you don’t find me satisfying. I need to accept that it has nothing to do with me. I will be working on shifting my perspective on your hunting for more submissives from anxiety and feelings of rejection to appreciation for your openness, curiosity, energy and feeling grateful that you are willing to include me at times in your adventures with others. Because this is a currently a challenge for me, I am sensitive to small slips in attention such as forgetting a playdate you had made with me, delays in completing things I need (new tasks, communicating with the Bull). I want to feel that you think I am important while at the same time I understand that you have your own busy life and you will have other priorities.
I was hesitant to talk to you about this because I don’t like to criticize you in these small things since I find our relationship very pleasurable, exciting and valuable to me. You give me a lot of your time and attention already and I never want you to feel that I take that for granted or fail to appreciate it. I truly think you are an wonderful Dom, full of surprises, creativity, boldly but respectfully pushing my limits and constantly exposing me to new things. Also you bring me a level of sexual fulfillment I never expected in a long distance relationship.
I don’t want you to feel that I expect you to be at my beck and call or heaping praise and compliments on me all the time. You must lead and follow your tastes and instincts in this relationship. Artificial, manufactured praise is obvious to me and does not make me feel good. I did want you to have more insight into how your behavior effects me and some of the things going through my mind so you can help your Slave feel more treasured and secure in your ownership. I feel so very lucky to have been claimed by you and to be your Slave. I don’t think any of this will come as a surprise as you are quite attuned to me and I have noticed just recently that you did give me a compliment as well as incorporating more praise and use of terms such as “treasured” and “pretty” in our playtimes. I’m sure you understand that these anxieties are temporarily increased in conjunction with my deepening submission, dependence and devotion to you, My Master.